The speaker's stories, if you sit up front and listen hard, are basically all alike. It is very easy to "identify". Again, "identify" means "empathize".
1.Fun with substance.
2.Gradually less fun with substance.
3.Significantly less fun with substance.
4.Increasing physical need for substance.
5.Complete loss of voluntary fun with substance.
6.Suddenly just very little fun of any sort at all
7.Dread
8.Anxiety
9.Irrational phobias
10.Dim,...
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1.Fun with substance.
2.Gradually less fun with substance.
3.Significantly less fun with substance.
4.Increasing physical need for substance.
5.Complete loss of voluntary fun with substance.
6.Suddenly just very little fun of any sort at all
7.Dread
8.Anxiety
9.Irrational phobias
10.Dim,...
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trixxie:
What is your PERSONAL experience with substances? Were you a "club kid" back in the day or what?!?!? I would really really like to know something about you Jim. I very much want to know at least one REAL thing about you, what you do , Who you are, Who you were...aNYTHING that doesn't read like I just picked upa random novel and flipped open o a page and started reading halfway through a chapter...give me something..what did you do today? Trix
trixxie:
I was just rereading this and now I see..I stopped at 7...with some minor relapses ..I don't think of myself as an addict or exaddict whatever...maybe I was just a "functionong addict" because I rarely broke my own rules, like missing work( instead I just went high hahah) and I never lost any personal relationships either..although now maybe I see because all my friends were in the same boat as me and my then boyfriend, now husband, is the most forgiving person I know....
But...
It wasn't her crazy thick Chinese accent of a dialect that even the Chinese guys that all stand around smoking outside the grim cheap 2nd floor electronics stores and awful lighting wholesalers that are way down on Bowery, near Canal, by the bridge, couldn't begin to even attempt to understand and how she all but mangled every sentence when attempting things in English, but instead,...
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The thing is though, when I finally decided to head home and go inside, as I walked up the driveway, I sensed something was up. Something just was off. All the lights were on in my house and I just knew someone was over. The lights in my house were always off. They honestly were. For some reason, they were always, regardless of whether it...
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...
But once I rolled down the hill and turned onto C Street, where it got all dark and empty along the woods, I spotted something in the road. Right smack dab in the middle of the road, right in my headlights in front of the car, was the CABBIT again. Holy cow. You cant imagine. You see, the cabbit had become somewhat of an obsession...
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I was in fact, just trying to get the fuck out of there and had failed to notice a small hole by the sidewalk out front and took a nasty spill onto the concrete. I had been hustling so fast to just get out of there that I really hit the concrete pretty hard. The way I hit my knee and elbow, both on the...
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A week later, we were cutting across Grand, heading south on Eldridge and making our way to that little coffee place our friend worked and showed canvas' at from time to time. She was explaining how the dreaded "two slots, everything stops!" announcement meant you probably were not eating at all that night no matter what anyone said and that also no one in any...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
trixxie:
ok, ok...I read your journal-esq entries like a crack head checks the door and phone constantly.
trixxie:
I'm officially stalking now I think. Found you tonight to check your entries and you were not on the member search only found you through my comments thingy..are u not even here anymore either???????? 
Sitting on the beach the next afternoon, a little ways down from Kynas house, I began to get kind of melancholy and thoughtful again. I mean, my gosh, Kynas house obliterates Sinces house. No contest. Forever, as long as I can remember, Sinces house was the standard. You couldnt have a better house, with the hill and the woods and that huge fireplace that we...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
vikingmetaler:
Yes she has met Drew and it is all so terribly confusing.
This is so out of character for the individuals involved, she was with that group because they WOULD NEVER do something like this.
She was attracted to their strength of character and now this almost complete clinical breakdown, with this extreme alternative behavior.
She is in disbelief, she always thought that these were people with loving caring compassionate souls and one day , like a movie , all of her reality shifted, like giant tectonic plates and and what was once up is now done and what was down is up.
Shocked, she scrambles to understand this transition which is akin to a psychotic break, all the human genuiness that she valued in these individuals now gone.
This is so out of character for the individuals involved, she was with that group because they WOULD NEVER do something like this.
She was attracted to their strength of character and now this almost complete clinical breakdown, with this extreme alternative behavior.
She is in disbelief, she always thought that these were people with loving caring compassionate souls and one day , like a movie , all of her reality shifted, like giant tectonic plates and and what was once up is now done and what was down is up.
Shocked, she scrambles to understand this transition which is akin to a psychotic break, all the human genuiness that she valued in these individuals now gone.
vikingmetaler:
Check out Pandora's journal for Saturday June 18, I could not resist.
I must have looked completely out of my mind, but I just about lost my marbles there, in the back of the #7 train. I literally had to fight, essentially alone at that hour, to not come unglued. Or at least not to look that way.
But...
vikingmetaler:
I read you every day , Tracey asks how we are doing here, I like how you use this as a journal of sorts , I should probably do the same , I think I would write that as a STATE CHAMPION cross country runner, not a "member" but a scoring state champion, who was the fifth finisher for my school and they count 5 in the score , I WON a state championship, neither of my parents EVER attended a meet.
vikingmetaler:
Tracey expired I sent her a renewal yesterday
So they were always right there, in my hair, so to speak. They ate, slept, and did everything right smack dab in the living room. I couldnt enter or leave the house without walking practically right in front of them. But thankfully most of the time they were just so engrossed in the T.V. that ran 24 hours a day, droning on, that they didnt...
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