It's simply because I remember everything. I can't forget anything that's good, that's why.
The meeting I kind of didn't absolutely dread going to was unfortunately out by all the apocalyptic tenements, east of that strange triangular intersection where canal actually crosses essex, the one where, besides no more than one or two stone silent wild-eyed Vietnam veterans in fatigue jackets de-sleeved to make vests or the drastically old one or two Korea vets, who pretty much are now...
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I have to admit talking about any of this makes me extremely uncomfortable to say the least. I would much, much rather just jump to the relatively interesting part, which, at this point Im afraid isnt all that interesting at all anyway but does shed some feeble light on the crazy turn of events that, at the time, brought me closer to a bunch of...
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I believe I could have curbed the criminal urge at the crucial moment, but one must painfully remember that a vein of unstability runs through me quite like some turbulent river; this cannot be overlooked; I have left this troublesome instability uncorrected to my folly and disgust; it will not be corrected by friendly, cheerful prayer either. It can only be corrected by dogged effort...
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I remember last year I just had on my hoodie and no gloves. Somebody had swiped my Carhart the week before, and my gloves were in the pocket. Boy, honestly, I was cold. Only a crazy bastard would have stood there. But I had to stand there to feel the goodbye to the youngness of the place, as though I were an old man. The...
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I lay awake for a pretty long time, feeling lousy. I knew, most likely, everybody was not ok . I knew that I wasn't going to one of those guys, that I was never going to be like Edward Gonzales or Theodore Fisher or Lawrence Meyer. I knew that when my father said that I was an asshole he meant it. That I honestly wasn't...
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trixxie:
I really like reading your "yarns"..I have trouble every night falling asleep. Its funny how the quiet of the night and the stillnes of my being is the enemy of peacefullness for me. I lay there thinking about how easily others fall asleep. I watch as my husband, every goddamned night, lays his head down, takes a long labourus breath and instantly falls into slumber. Makes my blood boil. I seem to run from one chore to another from 6 AM till around 9 or 10, so there isn't much time for introspection. When I lay my head evrything floods in..from childhood anxieties, memories too terrible to speak of, to current ongoing secrets that eat away at me nightly. I am beginning to loathe that hour when I want to go to sleep..what makes it worse is I am SO fucking tired but I know that as soon as I get in there, my new bed, dark room, I will just lay there listening to Karl breathe and dwell on all the shitty things that I have done, or that have been done to me.
trixxie:
"they" won't let me join the gay girls club here on SG unless I have a pic up...fucking nazi dykes hahaha
When the last dog finally left, needless to say with its owner, and the park was just about empty, I stood up for some reason. I really didnt want to leave, I honestly didnt, but for some reason I felt compelled to get up and ask if she was going to Kevvys this weekend. Every Saturday night, Kevvy would have this party at some club...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
trixxie:
Got the new Juxtapoz today...now it's near impossable to read without seeing some NY graff and thinking..."did he take pics of that? Was he there today? Is it still on that wall to see or is it coveed up fairly quickly?" I've been trying to see who is tattooing in NY that I like...seems odd that NY banned tattooing for so long..I wonder if the art was better when it was still underground and illegal?
Trix
Trix
trixxie:
What girls do you like on here..you DO look at the SGS right?
trixxie:
OMG!!! This is way cool..I have been offline forever it seems..I got in a huff with AOL and cancelled it then it took me three weeks to rehook up..Im an ass. Could you tell me if you have seen any of PINKS oil paintings.. I read in Juxtapoz that she had some at a gallery in East villiage? I think I wanna keep scanning her work to gt some inspiration for a large tattoo..I stare at your photo I have on my livingroom wall every day and wish I could see more.
Thanks for finally giving me a little peice of you in the comment on my page..
Thanks for finally giving me a little peice of you in the comment on my page..
But...
trixxie:
more stories please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lets just say that when I finally worked up the mental strength to leave my bedroom and take the two or three steps to the bathroom, I saw my dad coming up from the basement wearing these awful, big yellow rubber boots and thick pink rubber gloves, holding what looked exactly like the ornate curvy silver soup ladle my mother would ceremoniously dig out and...
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He went to the massive penitentiary like public high school in the middle of this barren field. It was practically ringed with razor wire. It wasnt obviously, but at night, with all the squat windowless buildings sprawled over this huge treeless area, all lit up by these most unsettling yellowy flood lights, you would have sworn you saw at least some razor wire ringing that...
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