"Malice"
Down the rabbit hole I've stumbled,
Bound and broken, ever humbled.
Down the rabbit hole I've stumbled,
And I may never return.
Where the darkness so invading,
Claustrophobic, suffocating.
There's a darkness so invading,
What lies below, I can't discern.
How'd I get here, curse that rabbit,
Followed it, just out of habit.
Curious, I had to have it.
Shattered psyche no longer whole.
Tightened chest, my heart is pounding,
Deafening, my screams are sounding.
I am afraid, the fear surrounding,
Every part mind, body, soul.
Am I mad? Who me? No, never.
Though I'd argue, all too clever.
Falling for what seems forever,
Could this all be in my mind?
Current state by far surreal,
My lips like ice, my fingers steel.
Haven't forgotten how to feel,
But feelings are seldom kind.
Its clear I've thrown it all away.
My friends, my loves, the night, the day.
The cost of admonition too high to pay,
A lifetime of regret.
Can't pinpoint where things went wrong,
Perhaps it's lived here all along.
A hatter no hat, a singer no song,
A gambler buried in debt.
Try to fight it, strength depleting,
Sense of self is slowly fleeting.
Can't deny the self-defeating
Behaviors that are soon forgot.
A Jekyll, a Hyde, a somber elation,
Scratching the surface of desperation.
An existential castration,
A gnawed off limb left to rot.
A twist of fate, a slice of dread,
Served with thoughts jammed in my head.
Unraveling like sweaters and thread,
Uncertain tea appalling.
A slow decay, crippling cancer,
Damned to be Heart's private dancer.
Only more questions, never an answer,
Like "why the hell am I still falling?"
To endure such pain, oh how much longer,
The doubt, the decay is getting stronger.
The cards fall where they lie among her.
Entered the flames and came out burned.
Down the rabbit hole I've stumbled
Body broken, spirit crumbled
Game of life, ball is fumbled.
And yet nothing new have I learned.