WRITTEN AGES AGO...
I am so scared. All I want is love and I am so scared to fall in love that I fear it will never happen. I am too caught up thinking about it, my mind obsessing about it, I cant enjoy anything because my mind wont shut up. Overanalyze, wonder about everything, instead of being ok with anything I am not ok with everything. I feel more and love more than anyone could possibly love me, so I will know always that I am in unbalanced relationships, too vulnerable, too open, exposed and raw like a piece of my insides sitting in a kitchen ready to be cooked like a piece of meat. How can I ever expose myself that much, how am I going to keep myself from me, and how am I going to quiet my mind enough to hear another persons moans. How am I going to calm my nerves enough to enjoy anything in life. My mind wont shut up, wont let me live in the moment but only thinks of other moments that havent happened, or painful ones past. When something sticks it sticks until it is over and it just doesnt end, my mind drives me crazy. Do other people feel like this? Do others only want passion and fear that passion in its most passionate is too vulnerable to handle? I dont see how I could trust someone else that much, to know that they feel the same way, does anyone feel as much as I do? Does anyone feel the intensity that I feel, do you want your incessant mind to shut off and sit on a shelf, powerless, pull down the zipper along my spine and slip out of my skin, because it is crawling and tiring my soul. I just want someone to love, who loves me just as much, so that I feel safe, so that I know they need me like I need them, so I can feel completely comfortable laying with my insides exposed and vulnerable to the very essence that comes from anothers skin. I dont think my mind could handle the passion of real love, I am scared of that intensity, because sometimes I feel crazy just dreaming about it
I am so scared. All I want is love and I am so scared to fall in love that I fear it will never happen. I am too caught up thinking about it, my mind obsessing about it, I cant enjoy anything because my mind wont shut up. Overanalyze, wonder about everything, instead of being ok with anything I am not ok with everything. I feel more and love more than anyone could possibly love me, so I will know always that I am in unbalanced relationships, too vulnerable, too open, exposed and raw like a piece of my insides sitting in a kitchen ready to be cooked like a piece of meat. How can I ever expose myself that much, how am I going to keep myself from me, and how am I going to quiet my mind enough to hear another persons moans. How am I going to calm my nerves enough to enjoy anything in life. My mind wont shut up, wont let me live in the moment but only thinks of other moments that havent happened, or painful ones past. When something sticks it sticks until it is over and it just doesnt end, my mind drives me crazy. Do other people feel like this? Do others only want passion and fear that passion in its most passionate is too vulnerable to handle? I dont see how I could trust someone else that much, to know that they feel the same way, does anyone feel as much as I do? Does anyone feel the intensity that I feel, do you want your incessant mind to shut off and sit on a shelf, powerless, pull down the zipper along my spine and slip out of my skin, because it is crawling and tiring my soul. I just want someone to love, who loves me just as much, so that I feel safe, so that I know they need me like I need them, so I can feel completely comfortable laying with my insides exposed and vulnerable to the very essence that comes from anothers skin. I dont think my mind could handle the passion of real love, I am scared of that intensity, because sometimes I feel crazy just dreaming about it
orli:
wow. that reads almost exactly how i feel at times. most times. i just usually don't admit it to anyone. 