nataleigh

oh man. i am so fucking tired right now. getting up at 7:30 in the morning is not so key. but one of the girls i work with lives in ajax and has offered to give me a lift whenever we work together. and this is one of the chicks that i thought hated me. clearly not, just me being all paranoid. work was good tho. lots of fun for once. uhhhhh. forming sentences is difficult right now so you must forgive me.

so now i am at home and wanting to go to sleep. but that would make no sense and i still have dishes adn shit to do tonight. but i talked to adrian for a bit which was really nice. he is all excited about seeing me tomorrow and he can't stop talkign about it. i love it when he says stuff like that. it let's me knwo that he does care about me. so the plan is to drink beer and just chill out watching tv. and then once hte family has gone to sleep he is going to draw me in teh nude for a triptic that he wants to do for my bday. so i am really excited to do that. i think he is going to draw my hips, my shoulders/collarbone and my eyes i think. those are his 3 fav parts of my body. and then he is going to paint them and its goign to be so exciting.

in other news, i had a really bizarre and upsetting dream last night. i was at some weird ass bar/night club with a whole bunch of my friends and this guy dan that i am sort of friends with/had a huge crush on and slept with and nothing became of it, was there. (i never quite got over the fact that nothing became of our little love/hate/crushing on you friendship) so anyways. his gf was there too, the one that he started to date about 2 weeks after we slept together. but anyways, in teh dream he is holding me hand and kissing me whenever she is not around and that's really weird for dan cuz he would never cheat on anyone. and i go inside the bar to get a beer and then i go to the washroom and run back outside to make sure that dan hasn't left yet. and he hasn't. he tells me that he has to go to whitby that night so i tell him that i will take the bus with him since i live in ajax. then a couple minutes later he tells me that he now has to go to peterboro. but he still has to transfer buses in ajax. (i would just liek to state that NO buses go to peterboro after 7 and since we are at a bar at night, it makes no sense that he would have any way of getting there, but it's a dream and that doesn't matter)

but suddenly i am trapped inside of this cell inside of a house. someone in a mask is trying to inject me with something. i dont really remember much of this part, but somehow i get out of the room and manage to get the evil person in it. but its as if they trusted me not to. so i lock them in and then realize that it's 12am and i must get back to meet up with dan. i manage to do that and we head to ajax. but we don't get off the bus. suddenly i am in front of some house and his gf is walkign up the driveway. she asks to speak to me and then hands me an envelop with a gift certificate for money off at whatever store she works at. suddenly it's night time again and we are back at the bus stop. dan is no where in sight and it's just me and jess the gf. i can tell she is a little bit suspicious as to why i am waiting with dan. but i point across the street to my apartment adn then suddenly she disapears and dan is back again. and he starts to kiss me and tells me that he has always loved me adn that he wants to be with me.

i wake up with this sick feelign in my stomache. i hate thinking about him. i guess since i never got my closure i never really got over what happened. it was a truly amazing night that i spent with him and our friendship sort of disapated after that. oh well. it's nothign to worry about as i think about him every 3-6 months. but i just hate having that "what if?" feeling.

i am so happy to see adrian tomorrow. his kisses will make things all better.