Well, I'm free, and it never felt so good.
So, now that I'm back in the game (and still poor for all you charitable souls out there that might want to keep hearing from me on SG...) I've got a little story.
THE "PAT GETS STABBED" (WELL, NOT REALLY) RANT:
I got cut in the second act of the last night of the show, and I dont know whether it was kharma or bad timing. My romantic opposite (I know, who would've thought I'd play the romantic) has more driftwood up her ass than washes ashore in South Jersey. She's just...not a good actress. She's inexperienced, granted, but she's onstage with people that have been acting their whole lives, and through this process she hasn't improved at all. Her emotions, her gesturing (which is exactly the same on every word, each night)...its all plastic. So its very frustrating to work with. Worst of all, she's got a huge ego, which, given the above, is competely unfounded. So needless to say working with her has been a challenge. On to the stabbing.
There is a point in the show where she kisses me for a long period of time and I melt in front of her. In this slouched possition, I try to jump for her lips while she backs me in a circle, saying "no no" and keeping me at arms length with her pointer finger (the "just a second" gesture). Except Alla (yes, so named after the risen lord...) doesn't know the difference between putting your pointer finger out and making an "L" shape with your pointer and thumb. So every night, I would play "dodge the thumb" when trying to kiss Alla, because if I didn't, her nails would catch me in the jaw. The second night of the show, it happened just as I thought it would. I wasn't bleeding, but I had to apply cover-up over the red mark and it went into the rehearsal report. She was talked to about it after the show, she wrote it down...the thinking here is that if you almost cut someone on stage, you'd be cautious not to do it twice.
Last night, she did it again, except this time, she drew so much blood from my cheek that it was all over my costume. I was luckily already exiting, and the lights were dim so no one really saw, but it hurt. And my mind was racing, "I have to be on stage again in 2 minutes, how the hell do I stop the bleeding?!?" So I put a damp tissue over it, and powdered the hell over that. Thankfully, I had just enough time to switch shirts because the other one looked like I went three rounds with Tyson. I went back onstage, and no one (except me) knew it had happened.
Now here's my problem, as I explained it to Alla the Little Wooden Girl. Its one thing to cut someone, accidents happen, in theatre its unavoidable and usually kind of exciting. Second, I don't mind blood. Maybe its the fight club in me, or the adrenaline rush, but I'm not vein enough to really give two shits. But when you can't take a note as simple as "tuck your thumb into your fist and just point with one finger", EVEN AFTER YOU'VE ALREADY HURT A PERSON ONCE ONSTAGE, you have no business in the professional theatre. I told this to her, and she didn't take it well. We both yelled, she eventually recanted (she always has to have the last word) and pretty much, she spoiled my last show.
So now, I sit here, with a swollen jaw, unable to really talk because when I do the cut (and it is surprisingly massive, for you girls with long nails...) opens back up, writing this down. Now, my talking shit about Alla's lack of talent could have warrented the cut to my face, but I still can't help but wonder if I'm not justified in being pissed. I take my theatre very seriously, and for people that want to work onstage beside me, its shit or get off the pot. I can't stand folks that don't learn their lines or arent aware of how bad they are (and while I have my moments too, needless to say) there's just no place for it. All in all, I couldn't help but be filled with a sense of irony as I left the show. Now anytime another actor asks me how it was working onstage with Alla, I genuinely say, "it was a scarring experience."
THE END
So, now that I'm back in the game (and still poor for all you charitable souls out there that might want to keep hearing from me on SG...) I've got a little story.
THE "PAT GETS STABBED" (WELL, NOT REALLY) RANT:
I got cut in the second act of the last night of the show, and I dont know whether it was kharma or bad timing. My romantic opposite (I know, who would've thought I'd play the romantic) has more driftwood up her ass than washes ashore in South Jersey. She's just...not a good actress. She's inexperienced, granted, but she's onstage with people that have been acting their whole lives, and through this process she hasn't improved at all. Her emotions, her gesturing (which is exactly the same on every word, each night)...its all plastic. So its very frustrating to work with. Worst of all, she's got a huge ego, which, given the above, is competely unfounded. So needless to say working with her has been a challenge. On to the stabbing.
There is a point in the show where she kisses me for a long period of time and I melt in front of her. In this slouched possition, I try to jump for her lips while she backs me in a circle, saying "no no" and keeping me at arms length with her pointer finger (the "just a second" gesture). Except Alla (yes, so named after the risen lord...) doesn't know the difference between putting your pointer finger out and making an "L" shape with your pointer and thumb. So every night, I would play "dodge the thumb" when trying to kiss Alla, because if I didn't, her nails would catch me in the jaw. The second night of the show, it happened just as I thought it would. I wasn't bleeding, but I had to apply cover-up over the red mark and it went into the rehearsal report. She was talked to about it after the show, she wrote it down...the thinking here is that if you almost cut someone on stage, you'd be cautious not to do it twice.
Last night, she did it again, except this time, she drew so much blood from my cheek that it was all over my costume. I was luckily already exiting, and the lights were dim so no one really saw, but it hurt. And my mind was racing, "I have to be on stage again in 2 minutes, how the hell do I stop the bleeding?!?" So I put a damp tissue over it, and powdered the hell over that. Thankfully, I had just enough time to switch shirts because the other one looked like I went three rounds with Tyson. I went back onstage, and no one (except me) knew it had happened.
Now here's my problem, as I explained it to Alla the Little Wooden Girl. Its one thing to cut someone, accidents happen, in theatre its unavoidable and usually kind of exciting. Second, I don't mind blood. Maybe its the fight club in me, or the adrenaline rush, but I'm not vein enough to really give two shits. But when you can't take a note as simple as "tuck your thumb into your fist and just point with one finger", EVEN AFTER YOU'VE ALREADY HURT A PERSON ONCE ONSTAGE, you have no business in the professional theatre. I told this to her, and she didn't take it well. We both yelled, she eventually recanted (she always has to have the last word) and pretty much, she spoiled my last show.
So now, I sit here, with a swollen jaw, unable to really talk because when I do the cut (and it is surprisingly massive, for you girls with long nails...) opens back up, writing this down. Now, my talking shit about Alla's lack of talent could have warrented the cut to my face, but I still can't help but wonder if I'm not justified in being pissed. I take my theatre very seriously, and for people that want to work onstage beside me, its shit or get off the pot. I can't stand folks that don't learn their lines or arent aware of how bad they are (and while I have my moments too, needless to say) there's just no place for it. All in all, I couldn't help but be filled with a sense of irony as I left the show. Now anytime another actor asks me how it was working onstage with Alla, I genuinely say, "it was a scarring experience."
THE END
veganvixen:
um, that is crazy. i wwish people were no so dumb. after she did it once, you would think she would have learned, but i guese not.