OK I need to vent.
I may kill my roomate...and I dont know if it's his fault or mine. I came back to school this year, and as youngblooded as I am (college kid, not yet in the "real world", et cetera) I feel like the best years of my life already went by. No, scratch that. They haven't happened yet. But college isn't the experience I want. I sit at a party like I did tonight, watching my roomate on a drunken (and I mean DRUNKEN) rampage, playing "Rape Me" on accoustic while simultaneously attempting to dance as Jim, even MORE drunk and stoned, slams out a slightly out of tempo jembe beat and I feel like I'm stuck in the movie Garden State. Is this it? Is this college? Cause I feel like I could've left this scene two years ago. Maybe its true what my friend Dion told me when I was 16: I was "born prematurely 30." Its kinda depressing or...I dunno what, but GOOD in a way too. Bittersweet is the closest word for it. When I was a teenager, my friends were all late 20s. Now, I'd rather hang out with my friends Stephen and Pa (just passing 40) than get drunk and socially awkward in some dorm room somewhere talking about life, the universe, and french impressionism (which, by the way, was the pseudo-intellectual topic of choice for our token "I swear I'm witty at parties" girl tonight...I wanted to choke on my impressionist vomit and die, but I knew she would've seen it as some sort of political statement so I just hung out and nodded my head...)
So what's going on? Am I beyond ready for graduation? No longer scared so much of the real world as I am indulging in this fake and fleeting "college for college's sake"? Is it wrong that I'd rather sit alone in a room watching good films, working out, or psychoanalyzing? Or should I just cut my loses, drink more beer and "go with the flow" as the roomate would say? I'm tired of cleaning up his shit, watching him party till 5 and stumble in every night, and go to parties I secretly wish I was the musician at, but still hate to be the wallflower for. I don't even know if I'm looking for an answer so much as an escape, but I feel my REAL LIFE calling to me from somewhere distant. I don't know exactly where that place is, but I know one thing for certain, it isn't behind the closed doors of academia any more, and beer and Nirvana do not a fullfilled Pat make.
Anyway. That was my night. Feel free to comment...Peace bitches.
I may kill my roomate...and I dont know if it's his fault or mine. I came back to school this year, and as youngblooded as I am (college kid, not yet in the "real world", et cetera) I feel like the best years of my life already went by. No, scratch that. They haven't happened yet. But college isn't the experience I want. I sit at a party like I did tonight, watching my roomate on a drunken (and I mean DRUNKEN) rampage, playing "Rape Me" on accoustic while simultaneously attempting to dance as Jim, even MORE drunk and stoned, slams out a slightly out of tempo jembe beat and I feel like I'm stuck in the movie Garden State. Is this it? Is this college? Cause I feel like I could've left this scene two years ago. Maybe its true what my friend Dion told me when I was 16: I was "born prematurely 30." Its kinda depressing or...I dunno what, but GOOD in a way too. Bittersweet is the closest word for it. When I was a teenager, my friends were all late 20s. Now, I'd rather hang out with my friends Stephen and Pa (just passing 40) than get drunk and socially awkward in some dorm room somewhere talking about life, the universe, and french impressionism (which, by the way, was the pseudo-intellectual topic of choice for our token "I swear I'm witty at parties" girl tonight...I wanted to choke on my impressionist vomit and die, but I knew she would've seen it as some sort of political statement so I just hung out and nodded my head...)
So what's going on? Am I beyond ready for graduation? No longer scared so much of the real world as I am indulging in this fake and fleeting "college for college's sake"? Is it wrong that I'd rather sit alone in a room watching good films, working out, or psychoanalyzing? Or should I just cut my loses, drink more beer and "go with the flow" as the roomate would say? I'm tired of cleaning up his shit, watching him party till 5 and stumble in every night, and go to parties I secretly wish I was the musician at, but still hate to be the wallflower for. I don't even know if I'm looking for an answer so much as an escape, but I feel my REAL LIFE calling to me from somewhere distant. I don't know exactly where that place is, but I know one thing for certain, it isn't behind the closed doors of academia any more, and beer and Nirvana do not a fullfilled Pat make.
Anyway. That was my night. Feel free to comment...Peace bitches.
ps.... funny...freshman year, a good friend of mine pulled the same drunken nirvana stunt. very unattractive.hehe