A story from my hilariously tragic life...
OK so this one time I had a crush on this girl, and stupid me, I still fall under the "hopeless romantic" category. Maybe its the musical theatre actor in me, but is it so wrong to think the guy gets the girl in the end and we all tapdance and do jazz hands the moment life gets confusing?
I bumped (literally bumped) into her on my way to microbio, I with the knowledge of emminent class failure on my mind, her with her being 20 minutes late on hers. Her story seemed far worse than mine. "I just spent the last 75 cents I needed to get my laundry done on a pack of twizlers cause I missed breakfast, and the machine didn't dispense them to me!" Like that, she was off, and Don Juan Quixote that I am, I sprang to the candy machine like I was fighting the windmills.
Not knowing this was the same machine, I put in the last 3 quarters to my name. Looking for the twizlers, I found them under E10. I pressed E...1...and while I was looking for the 0 button realized that there was also a 10 button, and I had just ordered a delicious serving of E1, an empty slot which the machine was more than happy to provide me with. Machine 75, Pat Zero. Now, since I am already late for class, out of quarters myself, slightly aggrivated, and forming a line, I let the unobtrusive football player behind me get his candy while I fish for a dollar.
"Go ahead dude." He does. Finally, I find a dollar in the netherregions of my backpack, put it into the machine, confidently hit E10, and as the machine whirs to life I realize that slot is also empty. It takes a moment for reality to set in. Where the fuck were the twizlers? Was I going blind? Then I heard the wrapper.
"Shouldn't have let me go ahead buddy." The linebacker was eating a pack of twizlers I had now rightfully paid 1.50 for. I tell you this, if he hadn't 80 pounds and 40 musclebound ready to fight, steroid dropping drones backing him up, I woulda taken to his head like the last pinata in Mexico. But what did I do? I smilled, laughed it off, and sprinted to the other side of campus, where I found one more candy machine, stocked with twizlers. Needless to say I never made it to class, and I ended up spending 2.25 for 5 pieces of strawberry licorice (that taste more like cardboard to me), but when I slid them under her door I knew I had made her day that much brighter.
It wasn't until a week later that I found out her roomate was studying in the room at the time, and was eternally greatful that her secret admirer had slid some candy under the door.
There are a lot of assholes in this world, and while I try my best to be a nice guy, the few of us that go out of our way sure have on hell of a time...
The End.
OK so this one time I had a crush on this girl, and stupid me, I still fall under the "hopeless romantic" category. Maybe its the musical theatre actor in me, but is it so wrong to think the guy gets the girl in the end and we all tapdance and do jazz hands the moment life gets confusing?
I bumped (literally bumped) into her on my way to microbio, I with the knowledge of emminent class failure on my mind, her with her being 20 minutes late on hers. Her story seemed far worse than mine. "I just spent the last 75 cents I needed to get my laundry done on a pack of twizlers cause I missed breakfast, and the machine didn't dispense them to me!" Like that, she was off, and Don Juan Quixote that I am, I sprang to the candy machine like I was fighting the windmills.
Not knowing this was the same machine, I put in the last 3 quarters to my name. Looking for the twizlers, I found them under E10. I pressed E...1...and while I was looking for the 0 button realized that there was also a 10 button, and I had just ordered a delicious serving of E1, an empty slot which the machine was more than happy to provide me with. Machine 75, Pat Zero. Now, since I am already late for class, out of quarters myself, slightly aggrivated, and forming a line, I let the unobtrusive football player behind me get his candy while I fish for a dollar.
"Go ahead dude." He does. Finally, I find a dollar in the netherregions of my backpack, put it into the machine, confidently hit E10, and as the machine whirs to life I realize that slot is also empty. It takes a moment for reality to set in. Where the fuck were the twizlers? Was I going blind? Then I heard the wrapper.
"Shouldn't have let me go ahead buddy." The linebacker was eating a pack of twizlers I had now rightfully paid 1.50 for. I tell you this, if he hadn't 80 pounds and 40 musclebound ready to fight, steroid dropping drones backing him up, I woulda taken to his head like the last pinata in Mexico. But what did I do? I smilled, laughed it off, and sprinted to the other side of campus, where I found one more candy machine, stocked with twizlers. Needless to say I never made it to class, and I ended up spending 2.25 for 5 pieces of strawberry licorice (that taste more like cardboard to me), but when I slid them under her door I knew I had made her day that much brighter.
It wasn't until a week later that I found out her roomate was studying in the room at the time, and was eternally greatful that her secret admirer had slid some candy under the door.
There are a lot of assholes in this world, and while I try my best to be a nice guy, the few of us that go out of our way sure have on hell of a time...
The End.
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P.s. i want your butt