'Do you look to the future or keep one foot in the past? Decisions, decisions, decisions'
Ahhh, Kim how can you see so accurately into my thoughts. So yeah, I got my A-Level results, I got an A in photography 540/600 258/300 for last yr and 282/300 from this yr, pretty impressive grade, as I've been ill most of the yr, so I was impressed, I was dreading getting my results. It took me forever to open the envelope, when I did I just felt this strange mixture of happiness and sadness. And I started to cry, and everyone was like 'omg meela are you ok?' and I was all nods, saw granddads nurse, who told me he'd be so pleased and proud of me, and he'd have been beaming from ear to ear, and if he was still here, he'd be bragging about it for weeks. Which he probably would be, he was also very proud of my photography, it gave him pleasure seeing me excel in a subject we both enjoyed. I think this is what set me off more, I couldn't stop wishing he was there to see me get my results, Darren sent me a sweet text to cheer me up, saying he [my granddad] could see me and he was proud of me, as proud as Darren was of me, which was sweet. He's a sweetheart. So I got my higher education pass, and accepted a place in Leicester to a Photography HnD to focus on Fashion Photography, I'm quite worried on going to Leicester, I mean I'm originally from a big city, London, but having lived on the solitude and quiet of the isle of man since I was like this big *points at the ground* it's quite scary, as I'll lose all my family, well.. not loose them but they won't be there when I need them, they'll be hundreds of miles away. I know absolutely no-one in Leicester, and I go in less than 5 weeks. I have no accommodation, no student grant and no support network. Great, eh?
Means a fresh start though, a look to the future, a new future which could be a lot brighter, than it has been recently, so it should be something I'm ready to grab hard of tightly with both hands, and grip to it with all my strength, part of me doesn't though. And it's something I'm trying to comprehend.
I mean it's fantastic I got my uni place; in fact it's bloody brilliant. But there's a lot I don't know whether I'll miss or I'll really, really miss. It's a question I'm asking myself. Do I really need this in my life? Do I need these people in my head and my heart? The thing is, I don't really know what the thing is, I feel this amazing emotional connection [love] with a guy, but I don't understand it at all, because it's something I've never experienced like this before, it's amazingly strong, even when he's been a complete tit, I've not felt any different. Leaving him will be gut wrenching. He's one of my best friends too, so I'm leaving my best friend, a guy I feel for. I won't be able to see him for months. Heartbreaking. So yeah, it's a stupid reason not wanting to go for him, but I know and accept nothing will ever happen more than sex and a friendship with us, no matter how much I probably always will want something more with him, I mean we've been doing things behind his girlfriends back for over 6 months.. 6 months wow. Anyway moving on.
As much as currently I'm hating Becca for the things shes done for me of late, she's still one of my closest friends, she lied to me about Saturday night. She told me she was going to Peel, so couldn't come out in Douglas. Bullshit. She was in Douglas, Kev saw her in Breeze.. So why the lies, Miss Lawrence? *sighs* I still miss her. And I'll miss her so much more when I go to university.
I'll miss Phil terribly, we may not see each other much lately but, that means nothing. I wish I could see him more, still do the things we did together back in May, I love him to bits, he means the world always there, and for this he'll always be my darlin'. He respects me.
I'll miss James, i don't often say that, but i will. He thinks i've been avoiding him. I havent.
i'll miss my mum, i love my mum to bits.
i hope my luck changes when i leave
Ahhh, Kim how can you see so accurately into my thoughts. So yeah, I got my A-Level results, I got an A in photography 540/600 258/300 for last yr and 282/300 from this yr, pretty impressive grade, as I've been ill most of the yr, so I was impressed, I was dreading getting my results. It took me forever to open the envelope, when I did I just felt this strange mixture of happiness and sadness. And I started to cry, and everyone was like 'omg meela are you ok?' and I was all nods, saw granddads nurse, who told me he'd be so pleased and proud of me, and he'd have been beaming from ear to ear, and if he was still here, he'd be bragging about it for weeks. Which he probably would be, he was also very proud of my photography, it gave him pleasure seeing me excel in a subject we both enjoyed. I think this is what set me off more, I couldn't stop wishing he was there to see me get my results, Darren sent me a sweet text to cheer me up, saying he [my granddad] could see me and he was proud of me, as proud as Darren was of me, which was sweet. He's a sweetheart. So I got my higher education pass, and accepted a place in Leicester to a Photography HnD to focus on Fashion Photography, I'm quite worried on going to Leicester, I mean I'm originally from a big city, London, but having lived on the solitude and quiet of the isle of man since I was like this big *points at the ground* it's quite scary, as I'll lose all my family, well.. not loose them but they won't be there when I need them, they'll be hundreds of miles away. I know absolutely no-one in Leicester, and I go in less than 5 weeks. I have no accommodation, no student grant and no support network. Great, eh?
Means a fresh start though, a look to the future, a new future which could be a lot brighter, than it has been recently, so it should be something I'm ready to grab hard of tightly with both hands, and grip to it with all my strength, part of me doesn't though. And it's something I'm trying to comprehend.
I mean it's fantastic I got my uni place; in fact it's bloody brilliant. But there's a lot I don't know whether I'll miss or I'll really, really miss. It's a question I'm asking myself. Do I really need this in my life? Do I need these people in my head and my heart? The thing is, I don't really know what the thing is, I feel this amazing emotional connection [love] with a guy, but I don't understand it at all, because it's something I've never experienced like this before, it's amazingly strong, even when he's been a complete tit, I've not felt any different. Leaving him will be gut wrenching. He's one of my best friends too, so I'm leaving my best friend, a guy I feel for. I won't be able to see him for months. Heartbreaking. So yeah, it's a stupid reason not wanting to go for him, but I know and accept nothing will ever happen more than sex and a friendship with us, no matter how much I probably always will want something more with him, I mean we've been doing things behind his girlfriends back for over 6 months.. 6 months wow. Anyway moving on.
As much as currently I'm hating Becca for the things shes done for me of late, she's still one of my closest friends, she lied to me about Saturday night. She told me she was going to Peel, so couldn't come out in Douglas. Bullshit. She was in Douglas, Kev saw her in Breeze.. So why the lies, Miss Lawrence? *sighs* I still miss her. And I'll miss her so much more when I go to university.
I'll miss Phil terribly, we may not see each other much lately but, that means nothing. I wish I could see him more, still do the things we did together back in May, I love him to bits, he means the world always there, and for this he'll always be my darlin'. He respects me.
I'll miss James, i don't often say that, but i will. He thinks i've been avoiding him. I havent.
i'll miss my mum, i love my mum to bits.
i hope my luck changes when i leave
If you need me we both know where I am and we both know if you say the word I will be there *hugs*
You will love uni Naiya after all look what it did to Kenn