Many, many new thoughts of late!
One I would like to bring up, is something I felt was such a lovely metaphor, I have to share.
This was said to my youngest brother (9 years of age), by my stepfather, after the brother was caught lying.
"Trust is like a house of cards. Every time you do something in earnest, (tell the truth, follow through on actions promised to others, etc.) , you add a card to the house, making it grow, and become strong. The more truth and honesty, and follow through, the bigger the trust-house is. In that respect, make one small, white lie, and whoosh, the whole house crumbles, and you have to pick up your cards, and build up your trust again anew."
This really touched a soft-spot in my heart, it's so true! Have you ever been lied to once, and felt that the source was completely untrustworthy after hand? I certainly have! Trust is a funny thing. People abuse it way too often, telling white lies and making up stories, stretching the obvious truth. I trust very few people in my life, and once that has been breached, there really isn't much hope for whomever would do that !
Second recent thoughts:
My fiance of one month, and boyfriend of 7, and I are heavily weighing becoming active swingers.
I am very nervous, excited, hesitant yet ready to do it, and a plethora of many other thoughts and emotions.
Mind you, I've never ever had a threesome, let alone a constant "swinging" lifestyle. He on the otherhand, had his first sexual experiences in an open relationship, with another couple. Mentally, we are in different spaces about this, to say the least. When he first brought it up, I thought it was just fantasy pillow talk. Then, as the conversations grew more constant, I could tell it is really something he considers a lot, and was more than just fantasy talk. This is the first relationship I've had where it's even come into conversation/pillow talk, let alone a close reality. I'm finding myself thinking and feeling new thoughts and emotions; trying to get over what I have considered to be a normal, healthy relationship, my entire life. Exploring our sexual fantasies is such a strong motivator, and hell, I'd love to see his fantasies fulfilled, and I'd love to explore women, myself. This is the perfect avenue for that! So much of me is torn, I want to cry sometimes, thinking I am letting something awful into our lives, that I don't want to be unfaithful to him, or him to me; I do not want to develop the feelings I will undoubtedly develop for my future lovers. I want to explode with lust sometimes, so hot for our fantasy to come to fruition. And another part of me wants to curl in a ball and drop the while thing altogether. I hate this dichotomy! Back and forth, etc., etc. I wish I felt strongly one way or the other. I'm stuck in swinger's limbo. I am currently devouring any information I can get about the pros and cons of swinging. If anyone has any sources to cite, that would kick ass ;D
How can I place my sexual emotions, and romantic emotions apart from each other? My brain is working overtime lately with this. I am being extremely cautious. He is not something I want to gamble; but on the other hand, if we are really meant to be, then we will get through this, and possibly change our lifestyle completely. I can gamble our relationship, and end up a sexual millionaire, as it were. I love to fantasize about orgies, and seeing him fuck another woman, maybe two. I know he has long standing fantasies about having multiple women, even before we got together (as every American male does, no doubt), as well as other women sharing our bed. Who is to say that we cannot fulfill that fantasy? Marriage is such a huge journey unto itself, and I am respectful of that. However, I love to find new ways to orgasm! I love to find new ways to make him orgasm, too. Watching his face as I fuck another man,... turns me on in a lot of ways. Watching his face as he fucks another woman, well that does too. In some ways. But will I want to break up afterward? Will I want to stay together afterward? Will we get strong, or crumble apart? Will I find out I am a lesbian? Will he fall in love with his partners? Will I fall in love with mine? Will I be strong enough to withstand this test of our commitment to each other, and not want to kick his ass for fucking another woman? Keep in mind of course, that I'd have no leg to stand on, having fucked that woman's husband or boyfriend, myself
The only for sure thing I can decide, is that we are doing it before we get married.
If we carry it on after marriage, that is another tale to tell ;D
All I know is, I am leaning toward it, saying "Fuck off", to the norms in my head of the typical relationship, letting go of the fantasy that I will one day have the normal love life that I sought for so long after one too many strained, and fucked up sexual relationships.
All in all, he and I love each other deeply, and are learning the ropes together. It sure is interesting, that's for sure, and I can't wait to see what the future brings.
Third recent thoughts: I got a Prius today, I love it. It's awesome having such technology in a car. Zowie!
One I would like to bring up, is something I felt was such a lovely metaphor, I have to share.
This was said to my youngest brother (9 years of age), by my stepfather, after the brother was caught lying.
"Trust is like a house of cards. Every time you do something in earnest, (tell the truth, follow through on actions promised to others, etc.) , you add a card to the house, making it grow, and become strong. The more truth and honesty, and follow through, the bigger the trust-house is. In that respect, make one small, white lie, and whoosh, the whole house crumbles, and you have to pick up your cards, and build up your trust again anew."
This really touched a soft-spot in my heart, it's so true! Have you ever been lied to once, and felt that the source was completely untrustworthy after hand? I certainly have! Trust is a funny thing. People abuse it way too often, telling white lies and making up stories, stretching the obvious truth. I trust very few people in my life, and once that has been breached, there really isn't much hope for whomever would do that !
Second recent thoughts:
My fiance of one month, and boyfriend of 7, and I are heavily weighing becoming active swingers.
I am very nervous, excited, hesitant yet ready to do it, and a plethora of many other thoughts and emotions.
Mind you, I've never ever had a threesome, let alone a constant "swinging" lifestyle. He on the otherhand, had his first sexual experiences in an open relationship, with another couple. Mentally, we are in different spaces about this, to say the least. When he first brought it up, I thought it was just fantasy pillow talk. Then, as the conversations grew more constant, I could tell it is really something he considers a lot, and was more than just fantasy talk. This is the first relationship I've had where it's even come into conversation/pillow talk, let alone a close reality. I'm finding myself thinking and feeling new thoughts and emotions; trying to get over what I have considered to be a normal, healthy relationship, my entire life. Exploring our sexual fantasies is such a strong motivator, and hell, I'd love to see his fantasies fulfilled, and I'd love to explore women, myself. This is the perfect avenue for that! So much of me is torn, I want to cry sometimes, thinking I am letting something awful into our lives, that I don't want to be unfaithful to him, or him to me; I do not want to develop the feelings I will undoubtedly develop for my future lovers. I want to explode with lust sometimes, so hot for our fantasy to come to fruition. And another part of me wants to curl in a ball and drop the while thing altogether. I hate this dichotomy! Back and forth, etc., etc. I wish I felt strongly one way or the other. I'm stuck in swinger's limbo. I am currently devouring any information I can get about the pros and cons of swinging. If anyone has any sources to cite, that would kick ass ;D
How can I place my sexual emotions, and romantic emotions apart from each other? My brain is working overtime lately with this. I am being extremely cautious. He is not something I want to gamble; but on the other hand, if we are really meant to be, then we will get through this, and possibly change our lifestyle completely. I can gamble our relationship, and end up a sexual millionaire, as it were. I love to fantasize about orgies, and seeing him fuck another woman, maybe two. I know he has long standing fantasies about having multiple women, even before we got together (as every American male does, no doubt), as well as other women sharing our bed. Who is to say that we cannot fulfill that fantasy? Marriage is such a huge journey unto itself, and I am respectful of that. However, I love to find new ways to orgasm! I love to find new ways to make him orgasm, too. Watching his face as I fuck another man,... turns me on in a lot of ways. Watching his face as he fucks another woman, well that does too. In some ways. But will I want to break up afterward? Will I want to stay together afterward? Will we get strong, or crumble apart? Will I find out I am a lesbian? Will he fall in love with his partners? Will I fall in love with mine? Will I be strong enough to withstand this test of our commitment to each other, and not want to kick his ass for fucking another woman? Keep in mind of course, that I'd have no leg to stand on, having fucked that woman's husband or boyfriend, myself
The only for sure thing I can decide, is that we are doing it before we get married.
If we carry it on after marriage, that is another tale to tell ;D
All I know is, I am leaning toward it, saying "Fuck off", to the norms in my head of the typical relationship, letting go of the fantasy that I will one day have the normal love life that I sought for so long after one too many strained, and fucked up sexual relationships.
All in all, he and I love each other deeply, and are learning the ropes together. It sure is interesting, that's for sure, and I can't wait to see what the future brings.
Third recent thoughts: I got a Prius today, I love it. It's awesome having such technology in a car. Zowie!
bromopar:
Well as one former swinger to another potential swinger I can safely say one thing. If you have any sort of insecurities or tend to be the jealous type then swinging is going to be a big mistake. Now insecurites I mean BIG ones like whenever he looks at another girl you think he wants her more than you not insecurities like does think my boobs are too small. Moving forward I can also safely say that swinging can be a A LOT of fun. I've personally had three threesomes myself and I loved all three of them, in fact me and my current girlfriend Phoenixgirl have considered that very same thing ourselves but we've put off any sort of solid decision until later on. My personal advice in the end is to try a threesome, or both of you go to a strip club and check out the girls there. If there is a sex club in the area then check it out and watch others. Fantasies are a wonderful thing and in my experiance the wilder the fantasy the better. We're kinky like that so I say go for it!