It's been an interesting year. I've done some firsts. Proposed for the first (and hopefully last) time. I have been spending more and more time away from social media. I'm actually gaming more. I played Final Fantasy XV and I'm enthralled. I'm getting Dead Rising 4 this week. I can't wait for that. I want to look forward to a lot of things and not worry about maintaining others. I'm slowly cutting away from Ark: Survival Evolved. It wasn't what I wanted in a game. It's more like a full time job. I don't like that. If you play PVP, it's a full time job. If you play PVE, it's a part time job. I have a job. I don't need another that doesn't pay me. I'm wanting to get deeper into making YouTube videos and streaming things on Twitch. I just don't have a ton of spare time. I want to get better at photography. I've got the equipment and skills.
I've made several friends on here. I've never met any of you due to me being very self-conscious. I gained 40 or more pounds after my mom died. I was already very depressed. I took some anti-depression medicine for 18 months. Zoloft, maybe? I don't know. It helped for a while, then it didn't.
I used this site as an anti-depressant. I wanted to meet new people and watch their stories unfold. I felt like this was the place to do it. It was very fascinating for a long time. It helped for a while, then it didn't. When tough times come along, we need to reevaluate ourselves. Sometimes we need to step outside of ourselves. I did that for a while. Now, I want to be me and decide my own fate. This trip requires light packing, so I'm getting rid of excess baggage. This site is part of that. It used to be a critical part of my day. Now, I just don't give a fuck.
I don't care about any of it. I don't care about the set of the day. I don't care about the merch I never wanted. I don't care about the burlesque show I never went to. I'll still shout out to friends on other forms of social media, but I'm totally bored here. In about 9 days, I'll be gone. No one will miss me and that's fine. I only talked to about 10 people using the "email" system. It's 11:57 on the doomsday clock and when it hits midnight, I'll be long gone.
Tattoos aren't alternative. Colored hair isn't alternative. It's nothing so generic or visual as that. Those things are mainstream now. This was a necessity in 2003, but is it in 2016? The popular girls are getting tattoos, crazy piercings, and dying their hair pretty colors. The culture has been appropriated and gentrified. The sexuality of it is still relevant, but just because I see someone in a suit and tie, I can't make assumptions about them. Maybe they like whips and chains. Maybe their wife owns a strap on and they peg once a month.
I'm tired of generalizations and stereotypes. I'm bored with narrow views. I don't think anyone will argue with me and that's fine. The social aspect of this service isn't great. I've been feeling this for a while. I tried going out of my way to say nice things on sets and be a real fan to every cool girl I can find. Then I just stopped giving a fuck. I was entirely too bored.
Oh well. C'est le vie?
Remember that ideas are bulletproof.