mztrezapocrypha

horrible dream last night: I was at the House and building and getting ready for the show. And I woke up knowing I needed to get my ass down there to build & paint.

And then I remembered that we're not having a House this year. That I don't get to do the show, there's no painting & no building & no make up and no show. And now I'm sad. 8 years of giving up your life completely to something lends to some severe depressing when it stops suddenly. And it shouldn't matter this much. Just a community charity haunted house, no big thing. But it used to open in Feb for tear down once a week & slowly build up until in Sept you were spending EVERY WAKING hour you could (that you didn't have to work or go to school that is) there and then opening night & the people. You'd get all gored up & go into set and scare the living shit outta people. Your friends were all there & doing the same thing... and the parties afterwards & the sense of family & community. AND it's all gone this year...

i know that if I had this dream already & it's only Oct 1st - what kind of terror am I going to be by Oct 16 when I should be out scaring people & I'm sitting at home idle. sad sad sad