Thank you so much everyone for your beautiful and heartfelt condolances. Everyday I wake up alive I realize a little bit more that I can do this, I can make it, if not for anyone else for my sister. I'm not strong, but she is, and it helps me survive.
I want to write the story of everything, but right now I can't.
My life is slightly agonizing. I have a pre court meeting on Tuesday and court that following Friday. It's a case against my former best friend, I don't really know if it's appropriate to go into it before the case...so I'll just leave it at that. I have never done anything like this before and it's getting increasingly stressful to think about. I would normally have my sister giving me advice and helping me, now I just don't know what to do. I additionally have not left the house on my own yet, and will be starting classes that week as well. All things I'm trying to think past. Added to that I broke up with my boyfriend today (who recently has been my biggest form of support and shoulder/chest to cry on) because he lied to me and spent the night at his x-girlfriends, daughters mothers house. I found that out because he accidentally left his phone on when he hung up on me and I heard him mocking me to her, lamenting how obnoxious it was that I "really needed someone to talk to.", and remarking how he had missed calls from me but told me that he had none. This came from a man that held me when I was crying and said "It's okay, you are my everything." He even lied when I asked him about it on the phone, and continuously lied about being at her home. I guess this is all ridiculous, he's not worth me being in more pain over. I have much more complicated matters to imagine. Oh, but, after I informed him that I didn't really see him as a friend (responding to his remark "you're making a big mistake, you're just throwing away a friendship") he ended it on the note, "You're so fucked up it's unbelievable, I hope you die like your sister you fucking whore."
I think in this situation, I win.
I love her the most.
I need her, right now she's the only reason I'm surving.
I want to write the story of everything, but right now I can't.
My life is slightly agonizing. I have a pre court meeting on Tuesday and court that following Friday. It's a case against my former best friend, I don't really know if it's appropriate to go into it before the case...so I'll just leave it at that. I have never done anything like this before and it's getting increasingly stressful to think about. I would normally have my sister giving me advice and helping me, now I just don't know what to do. I additionally have not left the house on my own yet, and will be starting classes that week as well. All things I'm trying to think past. Added to that I broke up with my boyfriend today (who recently has been my biggest form of support and shoulder/chest to cry on) because he lied to me and spent the night at his x-girlfriends, daughters mothers house. I found that out because he accidentally left his phone on when he hung up on me and I heard him mocking me to her, lamenting how obnoxious it was that I "really needed someone to talk to.", and remarking how he had missed calls from me but told me that he had none. This came from a man that held me when I was crying and said "It's okay, you are my everything." He even lied when I asked him about it on the phone, and continuously lied about being at her home. I guess this is all ridiculous, he's not worth me being in more pain over. I have much more complicated matters to imagine. Oh, but, after I informed him that I didn't really see him as a friend (responding to his remark "you're making a big mistake, you're just throwing away a friendship") he ended it on the note, "You're so fucked up it's unbelievable, I hope you die like your sister you fucking whore."
I think in this situation, I win.
I love her the most.
I need her, right now she's the only reason I'm surving.
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if you were around