mykel

I'm anti-social today.
Leave me alone.
I wrote this the other day, it's the first time I've ever really written about this particular thing, even though it happened years ago. It's not structured in any way, this is just how it came out of my head.
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eyes unfocused, i gaze past you to the cieling. i try to look beyond it, but i'm trapped - a child trapped in a woman's body. is this how i was made? did my mother ever feel this way?
fuck you for not listening to me. you don't love me, you just thought i was an easy lay. i guess you were right. i'm broken now. i can't feel anything, not even the present. the past is unrecoverable; the future, asleep. i'm numb to your mouth, your hands, your cock. i can't respond to your touch, or waste my days pining for you.
i'm made of metal now. cold and hard, a robot. my programing is incomplete, i'm no longer marketable.
i miss the virgin days, those days of clean sheets and innocent games. but you can't give back what you took from me. all you have to offer is your dark musk, your wetness, your hot salty blackness of fuck.
i could scream and you wouldn't hear. i could stiffen, twist, and cringe, and you wouldn't feel. i could cry tears from silent, begging eyes, but you would never see.
years from now, you won't remember me, this. but i can never forgive this night. the one thing i had to give was taken, there are no do-overs. it will haunt me for the rest of my life, and the words will mercilessly follow me.
i didn't say no, so i can't call it rape.
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ps: i hate everyone.
/belated teen angst