A note in advance: This is not a pitty-party grab for attention. This is just a semi-private rant to get it down somewhere my relatives and "friends" won't see it. It is also directly applicable to those of us right around hitting 40. I'm not angry or bitter, I'm just annoyed.
...
After almost two years of constant dating, I absolutely hate it. It's an endless cycle of quasi getting to know someone over a date or three, get laid a couple times and then move onto the next person. It's never enough to actually really get to know someone and what they like beyond what's on the surface. Because they don't want an actual relationship.
And I completely loath Internet dating. What I hate most is the whole "ebay shopping" approach of internet dating. "Make your selection and hope you don't get 'outbid' with desirable attributes." I like meeting people. I just don't like the whole endless "interview" process and false expectations that everyone involved seems to have. You can never truly know if someone is right the first time you meet them. You can usually figure out if they are truly wrong, though.
The worst part is the fact that everyone I've met has lied outright in their profiles about what they really want in a relationship. I keep going for the women who describe in painstaking detail how they want a long-term relationship. But what I find is that they have either never had a relationship last longer that a year or two because they are too selfish and self-absorbed to really share themselves or their space with someone else. Or because they have just gotten out of a long-term relationship or a decade-plus long marriage and, deep down, don't want to get bogged-down with seeing just one single person again; they want to be free.
THAT is the most infuriating part. They say they want one thing, but truly want another. They are not just lying to every potential partner, they are lying to themselves. And every time I meet these women, they complain to me on the first date how horribly shallow and disposable men treat women. Look at yourself, sweetheart.
And then there are the women who are looking for some "ideal" partner or lover. These 30 to 40-somethings want the ripped stud to bed them for a night. They want male underwear-model hot guys only. I know this because I have been told to my face several times that I'm not "buff enough" (in so many words) to date them.
Not buff enough... Really?
There is a different between how someone's body looks and what they can actually do. I'm strong. Very strong. I used to lift and safely carry my ex wife up stairs over my shoulder, and she was 5'-9" and weighed close to 180lbs (Don't judge -- she was a busty girl, carried herself very well and was hot in her own way). I regularly lift and carry rolls of paper and fabric that weigh as much as a telephone pole or thick tree. By myself.
That brings me to the ex wife. We split because she was more interested in other women. No big deal. Besides her drifting gender attraction, we had realized we were pretty much just friends a long time ago. It's a bizarre thing to wake up one morning, and realize you are sleeping with someone who is basically just a roommate who happens to be the mother of your child. We're still friends (really). But the love has been gone a long, long time.
And then there are the commitment-phobes. Yes, they exist in the farer sex. Especially around my age group.
I had been seeing someone, off & on, who fits this description to a tee. We'll date for a month or two. Then, predictably, she'll break it off. I finally got an explanation the last time this happened. It's because she was starting to fall in love with me. She's terrified that I'll want to interject myself into her daily routine, her space, her life. All she really wants is someone who'll come over at her beck & call, fuck her brains out, then leave.
She was the best sex I ever had. I won't take her calls anymore because she's too fucking neurotic for her own good.
I don't want to move in with anyone. Not right now. I want a relationship that grows organically, on its' own merits. With one woman. If it eventually means co-habitation, that's fine. But I don't think that's a realistic prospect for people who just met, and who have very big, involved, busy lives.
I'm not perfect. I honestly don't think that a "perfect" person exists. Maybe I'll find someone "perfect for me" eventually. But they will likely think they are a deeply flawed human being. Everyone is different and anyone can be just desirable enough for the right person. Maybe not me and maybe not the next person down the line. But someone.
What am I looking for? Good question.
I want a relationship, not an endless parade of fuck-buddies.
After spending nearly half a decade photoshopping content and building websites for the adult industry, I've grown to appreciate a very wide range of body types. Short, tall, petite or stacked & curvy. I'm not terribly picky about looks because I think nearly every woman I see is beautiful in her own way. Really.
I want someone smart, creative, slightly quirky, somewhat kinky (NOT a requirement), who's not into being poly (sorry, I can't deal with that), who enjoys the occasional public display of affection and does not want any more kids. I don't mind if she has kids, but I am not making anymore beyond the one I have. Someone who has some modicum of her shit together, because I refuse to be someone's suger-daddy. And someone who is of the liberal pro-equality mindset. Everything else is negotiable. Is that so much to ask for?
And I defer to the great Henry Rollins in describing more of what I'm looking for:
"I want a woman who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me 10 things I don't already know and make me laugh. I don't care what you look like, just turn me on! And if you can do that I will follow you on bloody stumps through the snow!"
But, I think for now, I'm taking a break from dating. I'm closing all my dating profiles and dumping all the stupid apps on my iphone.
...
After almost two years of constant dating, I absolutely hate it. It's an endless cycle of quasi getting to know someone over a date or three, get laid a couple times and then move onto the next person. It's never enough to actually really get to know someone and what they like beyond what's on the surface. Because they don't want an actual relationship.
And I completely loath Internet dating. What I hate most is the whole "ebay shopping" approach of internet dating. "Make your selection and hope you don't get 'outbid' with desirable attributes." I like meeting people. I just don't like the whole endless "interview" process and false expectations that everyone involved seems to have. You can never truly know if someone is right the first time you meet them. You can usually figure out if they are truly wrong, though.
The worst part is the fact that everyone I've met has lied outright in their profiles about what they really want in a relationship. I keep going for the women who describe in painstaking detail how they want a long-term relationship. But what I find is that they have either never had a relationship last longer that a year or two because they are too selfish and self-absorbed to really share themselves or their space with someone else. Or because they have just gotten out of a long-term relationship or a decade-plus long marriage and, deep down, don't want to get bogged-down with seeing just one single person again; they want to be free.
THAT is the most infuriating part. They say they want one thing, but truly want another. They are not just lying to every potential partner, they are lying to themselves. And every time I meet these women, they complain to me on the first date how horribly shallow and disposable men treat women. Look at yourself, sweetheart.
And then there are the women who are looking for some "ideal" partner or lover. These 30 to 40-somethings want the ripped stud to bed them for a night. They want male underwear-model hot guys only. I know this because I have been told to my face several times that I'm not "buff enough" (in so many words) to date them.
Not buff enough... Really?
There is a different between how someone's body looks and what they can actually do. I'm strong. Very strong. I used to lift and safely carry my ex wife up stairs over my shoulder, and she was 5'-9" and weighed close to 180lbs (Don't judge -- she was a busty girl, carried herself very well and was hot in her own way). I regularly lift and carry rolls of paper and fabric that weigh as much as a telephone pole or thick tree. By myself.
That brings me to the ex wife. We split because she was more interested in other women. No big deal. Besides her drifting gender attraction, we had realized we were pretty much just friends a long time ago. It's a bizarre thing to wake up one morning, and realize you are sleeping with someone who is basically just a roommate who happens to be the mother of your child. We're still friends (really). But the love has been gone a long, long time.
And then there are the commitment-phobes. Yes, they exist in the farer sex. Especially around my age group.
I had been seeing someone, off & on, who fits this description to a tee. We'll date for a month or two. Then, predictably, she'll break it off. I finally got an explanation the last time this happened. It's because she was starting to fall in love with me. She's terrified that I'll want to interject myself into her daily routine, her space, her life. All she really wants is someone who'll come over at her beck & call, fuck her brains out, then leave.
She was the best sex I ever had. I won't take her calls anymore because she's too fucking neurotic for her own good.
I don't want to move in with anyone. Not right now. I want a relationship that grows organically, on its' own merits. With one woman. If it eventually means co-habitation, that's fine. But I don't think that's a realistic prospect for people who just met, and who have very big, involved, busy lives.
I'm not perfect. I honestly don't think that a "perfect" person exists. Maybe I'll find someone "perfect for me" eventually. But they will likely think they are a deeply flawed human being. Everyone is different and anyone can be just desirable enough for the right person. Maybe not me and maybe not the next person down the line. But someone.
What am I looking for? Good question.
I want a relationship, not an endless parade of fuck-buddies.
After spending nearly half a decade photoshopping content and building websites for the adult industry, I've grown to appreciate a very wide range of body types. Short, tall, petite or stacked & curvy. I'm not terribly picky about looks because I think nearly every woman I see is beautiful in her own way. Really.
I want someone smart, creative, slightly quirky, somewhat kinky (NOT a requirement), who's not into being poly (sorry, I can't deal with that), who enjoys the occasional public display of affection and does not want any more kids. I don't mind if she has kids, but I am not making anymore beyond the one I have. Someone who has some modicum of her shit together, because I refuse to be someone's suger-daddy. And someone who is of the liberal pro-equality mindset. Everything else is negotiable. Is that so much to ask for?
And I defer to the great Henry Rollins in describing more of what I'm looking for:
"I want a woman who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me 10 things I don't already know and make me laugh. I don't care what you look like, just turn me on! And if you can do that I will follow you on bloody stumps through the snow!"
But, I think for now, I'm taking a break from dating. I'm closing all my dating profiles and dumping all the stupid apps on my iphone.