Well, today has been very interesting indeed.
First, it was an almost opposite of how I was feeling 2 days ago in the middle of typing up my blog here. It was like NOTHING could bother me ALL DAY. I wasn't worried about anything, and I wasn't even feeling like my normal "bluuugh, but I'm okay anyway" self. It was almost like I was afterglowing, or like I had just gotten saved all over again. But probably even better than that.
I got to wondering is this perhaps what it's like for other people out there, who don't have anxiety? Because today it was just gone entirely. Maybe even on the OTHER side, as things that perhaps should be on my mind just weren't. I was just content in my little world, and M had a lot to do with that I'm sure.
So I paid my ticket, and met an unfortunately boring girl there. Didn't bother me; at least I took the initiative to find out. There aren't enough cool people out there, and I wonder how many I miss because, like most people, I may be too timid to initiate a conversation with a complete stranger.
Anyway, I was driving to my job, and the sunset was so beautiful. The way the light hit the clouds and created a swirling contrast against the deepening sky and snowcapped mountains... just so peaceful. All the colors, even in general, stood out a little more to me than usual. Even the damned buildings looked nice.
I'm just in such a happy place right now. I'm not afraid, twisted around, or whatever else. I'm happy. Just knowing that she's there. I think about it, and the way I've been feeling today could very well be the happiest that I've ever been.
It's amazing how much beauty there is in the world, in so many places, that you just never recognize unless you're in the right place to see it. The most normal shit can be a delight if you're okay in every other way. It's kinda weird, actually.
But the point is she makes this planet worth living on. It may be a ridiculous thought, but as I was driving down the freeway, just looking around and thinking of her, it was certainly true then. And I'm not about to recant it now.
As we know, sometimes certain things can hit me differently based on the mood I'm in. M still insists that X3 was completely horrible. And maybe it was, but despite its flaws, I got something from it. Maybe mood, or my preconceptions that it was GOING to suck, had something to do with it.
So M didn't have a problem talking to me about how her little excursion with A went. I knew she wouldn't.
Oh yeah, she didn't actually have plans today, so I got to talk to her. Made the day even better.
So I did have to ask my little prying follow-up questions, but it turns out that everything went fine until the very end. It's probably a good thing that I heard this today, when I could take it in light, but Alex really did cross the line with a couple things he said.
Things like: he kinda wishes he had met her sooner and he doesn't know if he really wants to know what might happen or what might possibly be between them.
Man, you just had to do that. *sigh* M told him straight up that nothing is going to happen. Good for her. What he said is not only extremely inappropriate, but it shows an incredible neediness from him that might ironicly be a Megan repellant anyway. I don't think she's in the mindset to be getting interested in guys who try to move in on girls with boyfriends. I mean, he deliberately threw out the "feelers" on her. That's just not cool.
He called her again and tried to convince her to go to Disneyland with him. She was busy then, but she told me that she is going to have a talk with him and tell him that he has to back off.
Now, I don't want to over-react, but it's possible that he messed up being able to hang with her, just the 2 of them, all together. It may depend on whether he really can back WAY the fuck off. If he can, maybe it will be okay. Maybe he's jus a very troubled man who said something very stupid.
Again, this is TODAY, and I'm thinking that. Am I thinking clearly now? Or too lenient? It's most likely that he'll be trying to be on her "waiting list" of sorts either way. I'm not sure what I think of that. Eh...
Well, whatever. I think M is happy enough with me that she won't have a big problem ditching his ass if he proves to be obsessing. It's not healthy for HIM, let alone being weird on her.
It is unfortunate, though. He might be an okay friend for her besides that immediate issue. I was thinking that if he WAS cool, maybe I could hang with him as well.
I'm not sure yet if I still think it would be a good idea to hang with him. If it's not good for me, then it's probably not good for her either. So that's something to think about another time.
The important things are that a) I wasn't all tripping, and b) M told me straight up that she's going to take the initiative to handle it.
We'll see how it goes. Hopefully he doesn't make their interactions awkward. But M can handle a lot of awkwardness without having a problem, so that might be fine anyway.
Something else that came up actually did bother me a bit at first. Her "weekend" right before Christmas will be spent in Vegas with some family. Her dad had said that she could invite me along, and she doesn't want me to go.
While at first that seemed like a slap in the face, she really did have a good enough reason for it. We'll have to find a time around that. She needs to go, and she needs to handle it as a family thing. It's cool.
What an interesting day, eh? Well, I have to get to sleep so that I can see if I feel weird all of a sudden tomorrow (I probably won't, and only likely WILL if M has trouble telling A he'd better step back).
What's also weird is that until the very end, it was all fine. I was thinking "Well, okay, maybe he's cool then". Nope. Eh, that's how things go, I guess. M was great in helping me overcome some of my inner shit which may not have been plaguing me today, but I'll bet it's still there.
If anyone is reading this at any time take notice of this thought. It is possible to stay true to yourself while accepting the differences of others. Even if it's someone you love. If you're true to yourself, and what you believe is right and wrong and assume that you are enough for the one you're with you'll see how easy it can be for them to prove you correct. And if they prove you INCORRECT, well, then they aren't right for you, and that would have made itself apparent anyway.
Take what's there each day. Going crazy over what MIGHT happen next week only interferes with being your best self when things would otherwise be fine.
Expect the one you're with to be open with you about anything. If they don't, then there's a problem. But if they ARE, then the only problem is if you let your insecurities get the best of you.
Once again, thoughts that seem to be SO freaking obvious, and yet they may never truly click until you go through certain experiences yourself.
M and I are great. And I have a feeling that we're going to be great for a long while to come. She makes me happy, and when I'm happy I make her feel the same way.
Food is giving me that look again, so I should probably get going now.
Peace out,
-MXV
First, it was an almost opposite of how I was feeling 2 days ago in the middle of typing up my blog here. It was like NOTHING could bother me ALL DAY. I wasn't worried about anything, and I wasn't even feeling like my normal "bluuugh, but I'm okay anyway" self. It was almost like I was afterglowing, or like I had just gotten saved all over again. But probably even better than that.
I got to wondering is this perhaps what it's like for other people out there, who don't have anxiety? Because today it was just gone entirely. Maybe even on the OTHER side, as things that perhaps should be on my mind just weren't. I was just content in my little world, and M had a lot to do with that I'm sure.
So I paid my ticket, and met an unfortunately boring girl there. Didn't bother me; at least I took the initiative to find out. There aren't enough cool people out there, and I wonder how many I miss because, like most people, I may be too timid to initiate a conversation with a complete stranger.
Anyway, I was driving to my job, and the sunset was so beautiful. The way the light hit the clouds and created a swirling contrast against the deepening sky and snowcapped mountains... just so peaceful. All the colors, even in general, stood out a little more to me than usual. Even the damned buildings looked nice.
I'm just in such a happy place right now. I'm not afraid, twisted around, or whatever else. I'm happy. Just knowing that she's there. I think about it, and the way I've been feeling today could very well be the happiest that I've ever been.
It's amazing how much beauty there is in the world, in so many places, that you just never recognize unless you're in the right place to see it. The most normal shit can be a delight if you're okay in every other way. It's kinda weird, actually.
But the point is she makes this planet worth living on. It may be a ridiculous thought, but as I was driving down the freeway, just looking around and thinking of her, it was certainly true then. And I'm not about to recant it now.
As we know, sometimes certain things can hit me differently based on the mood I'm in. M still insists that X3 was completely horrible. And maybe it was, but despite its flaws, I got something from it. Maybe mood, or my preconceptions that it was GOING to suck, had something to do with it.
So M didn't have a problem talking to me about how her little excursion with A went. I knew she wouldn't.
Oh yeah, she didn't actually have plans today, so I got to talk to her. Made the day even better.
So I did have to ask my little prying follow-up questions, but it turns out that everything went fine until the very end. It's probably a good thing that I heard this today, when I could take it in light, but Alex really did cross the line with a couple things he said.
Things like: he kinda wishes he had met her sooner and he doesn't know if he really wants to know what might happen or what might possibly be between them.
Man, you just had to do that. *sigh* M told him straight up that nothing is going to happen. Good for her. What he said is not only extremely inappropriate, but it shows an incredible neediness from him that might ironicly be a Megan repellant anyway. I don't think she's in the mindset to be getting interested in guys who try to move in on girls with boyfriends. I mean, he deliberately threw out the "feelers" on her. That's just not cool.
He called her again and tried to convince her to go to Disneyland with him. She was busy then, but she told me that she is going to have a talk with him and tell him that he has to back off.
Now, I don't want to over-react, but it's possible that he messed up being able to hang with her, just the 2 of them, all together. It may depend on whether he really can back WAY the fuck off. If he can, maybe it will be okay. Maybe he's jus a very troubled man who said something very stupid.
Again, this is TODAY, and I'm thinking that. Am I thinking clearly now? Or too lenient? It's most likely that he'll be trying to be on her "waiting list" of sorts either way. I'm not sure what I think of that. Eh...
Well, whatever. I think M is happy enough with me that she won't have a big problem ditching his ass if he proves to be obsessing. It's not healthy for HIM, let alone being weird on her.
It is unfortunate, though. He might be an okay friend for her besides that immediate issue. I was thinking that if he WAS cool, maybe I could hang with him as well.
I'm not sure yet if I still think it would be a good idea to hang with him. If it's not good for me, then it's probably not good for her either. So that's something to think about another time.
The important things are that a) I wasn't all tripping, and b) M told me straight up that she's going to take the initiative to handle it.
We'll see how it goes. Hopefully he doesn't make their interactions awkward. But M can handle a lot of awkwardness without having a problem, so that might be fine anyway.
Something else that came up actually did bother me a bit at first. Her "weekend" right before Christmas will be spent in Vegas with some family. Her dad had said that she could invite me along, and she doesn't want me to go.
While at first that seemed like a slap in the face, she really did have a good enough reason for it. We'll have to find a time around that. She needs to go, and she needs to handle it as a family thing. It's cool.
What an interesting day, eh? Well, I have to get to sleep so that I can see if I feel weird all of a sudden tomorrow (I probably won't, and only likely WILL if M has trouble telling A he'd better step back).
What's also weird is that until the very end, it was all fine. I was thinking "Well, okay, maybe he's cool then". Nope. Eh, that's how things go, I guess. M was great in helping me overcome some of my inner shit which may not have been plaguing me today, but I'll bet it's still there.
If anyone is reading this at any time take notice of this thought. It is possible to stay true to yourself while accepting the differences of others. Even if it's someone you love. If you're true to yourself, and what you believe is right and wrong and assume that you are enough for the one you're with you'll see how easy it can be for them to prove you correct. And if they prove you INCORRECT, well, then they aren't right for you, and that would have made itself apparent anyway.
Take what's there each day. Going crazy over what MIGHT happen next week only interferes with being your best self when things would otherwise be fine.
Expect the one you're with to be open with you about anything. If they don't, then there's a problem. But if they ARE, then the only problem is if you let your insecurities get the best of you.
Once again, thoughts that seem to be SO freaking obvious, and yet they may never truly click until you go through certain experiences yourself.
M and I are great. And I have a feeling that we're going to be great for a long while to come. She makes me happy, and when I'm happy I make her feel the same way.
Food is giving me that look again, so I should probably get going now.
Peace out,
-MXV