You know I think I really just joined this site to have a journal that none of the people I hang out with regularly would read.
I'm tired of never having a day where there are no demands of me. I used to make it a point to have one whole day off from any responsibility or obligation. I haven't had one in a long time now.
I think a lot about relationships. Not being in love. But like relationships between friends. I have some friends who consider me a best friend and I don't consider them one. Maybe a remote good friend, but not someone I want to hang out with all the time. I feel a little bad when I can't say the same thing back.
I've left so many friends behind and I don't mean that in a stepping up in life kind of way. A very close friend of mine starting dating a girl I had just broken up with. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with it. So I wrote him a letter explaining that I just wasn't comfortable being around him if he was going to pursue this so I was going to take my leave of our friendship. A few years later we started talking again.
Another friend used to bring his daughter to our RPG game. It was a confusing situation. She never paid attention and the main times she seemed to try and play were when he got mad at her for not playing. And then of course all she'd do is want to go buy candy in the game. Well we decide we want to start a new game in a future setting and we would like a more serious atmosphere so we don't want her playing. We tell him this and he freaks out. The only reason we told him is because he made it evident that she was going to play. So he makes fun of me for crying in front of him one time in the past (I was crying because he was one of my closest friends and I thought our friendship was about to be over on account of a stupid arguement - I suppose you can't beat fate). So I get my stuff from his place and stop talking to him.
A best friend is someone that sees all sides of you and most of us don't meet people who take the time to see that. Well I've had a couple. The best friend I've ever had I can't sympathize for right now. It might cost me my friendship with him. His dad shattered his arm and leg so he takes care of him all the time. His dad is healed to the point of walking now. He also got a girlfriend that, although he hasn't said it, he's fallen madly in love with. Like the high school kind of love. The kind where he freaks out if he doesn't see her at least every other day. The kind where they don't hang with friends. The kind where he leaves his supposed best friend, being me, in the cold. Or at least that's how I see it. Because I just don't believe him. Because love makes you do crazy things. I'd trust this guy with my life and my bank account number but I don't trust him to see things clearly at the moment.
A lot of these stories I've just told are edited you have to realize. I'm trying to tell it in some type of balanced fashion where you can read both sides, but no matter how I write it will always be from my side. So keep that in mind. I've done some cold things to a lot of people without any explanation. And I've cried over every friend I've lost and every heart I've broken.
I'm tired of never having a day where there are no demands of me. I used to make it a point to have one whole day off from any responsibility or obligation. I haven't had one in a long time now.
I think a lot about relationships. Not being in love. But like relationships between friends. I have some friends who consider me a best friend and I don't consider them one. Maybe a remote good friend, but not someone I want to hang out with all the time. I feel a little bad when I can't say the same thing back.
I've left so many friends behind and I don't mean that in a stepping up in life kind of way. A very close friend of mine starting dating a girl I had just broken up with. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with it. So I wrote him a letter explaining that I just wasn't comfortable being around him if he was going to pursue this so I was going to take my leave of our friendship. A few years later we started talking again.
Another friend used to bring his daughter to our RPG game. It was a confusing situation. She never paid attention and the main times she seemed to try and play were when he got mad at her for not playing. And then of course all she'd do is want to go buy candy in the game. Well we decide we want to start a new game in a future setting and we would like a more serious atmosphere so we don't want her playing. We tell him this and he freaks out. The only reason we told him is because he made it evident that she was going to play. So he makes fun of me for crying in front of him one time in the past (I was crying because he was one of my closest friends and I thought our friendship was about to be over on account of a stupid arguement - I suppose you can't beat fate). So I get my stuff from his place and stop talking to him.
A best friend is someone that sees all sides of you and most of us don't meet people who take the time to see that. Well I've had a couple. The best friend I've ever had I can't sympathize for right now. It might cost me my friendship with him. His dad shattered his arm and leg so he takes care of him all the time. His dad is healed to the point of walking now. He also got a girlfriend that, although he hasn't said it, he's fallen madly in love with. Like the high school kind of love. The kind where he freaks out if he doesn't see her at least every other day. The kind where they don't hang with friends. The kind where he leaves his supposed best friend, being me, in the cold. Or at least that's how I see it. Because I just don't believe him. Because love makes you do crazy things. I'd trust this guy with my life and my bank account number but I don't trust him to see things clearly at the moment.
A lot of these stories I've just told are edited you have to realize. I'm trying to tell it in some type of balanced fashion where you can read both sides, but no matter how I write it will always be from my side. So keep that in mind. I've done some cold things to a lot of people without any explanation. And I've cried over every friend I've lost and every heart I've broken.