musedrainfall

So last night I had my first night of night terrors in a long while. More life-like than I remember them ever coursing through my mind. As a child I had always had nights where I would wake up several times with my nerves exploding, both physically and mentally paralyzed by fear from the world I had just escaped from. Unlike other dreams I never felt like I was waking up when this happened.. more like breaking back into a different reality. Both the images and the feelings felt as real that moment as the drops of sweat that ran down my face.

This lead to many nights of near insomnia.. dreading falling asleep to see those tortured faces that haunted my dreams. Once I were able to clear my mind and fall back asleep for almost the 5th time, I would have the extremely lucid dreams of flying. It was as if my mind could sense that I had broken away from the terrors that previously lingered in my head and this was its cleansing sigh of relief. Often these dreams had near, if not more impact on my waking moments as the terrors did. That sense of controlled weightlessness and freedom still vibrated through my limbs in my first waking moments.. a sensation Ive felt nowhere else in my awaken state.

Having been an achievable amount of time since my last panic attack.. I still feel remnants of the landscapes that filled my mind last night.. and the sense of near death.. my soul gasping for life with my eyes wide open.

With this entry Ive included the closest representation to the faces in my terrors that I could find. Even seeing them while awake brings a sense of panic to my heart.