The year of our lord and savior Jebus Graham Cracker Criminey, Two Ought Ought Nine.
I can't say I'm sad to see you leaving, Deuce Double Zero Niner. I'm pretty sure you tried to murder me. You presided over me getting my heart broken and losing the woman I loved more than anything on this Earth. You tantalized me with the promotion I've worked so hard to get, for the extra money, only to have me realize that I absolutely do not want it, no way, no how. You pushed me face first into mediocrity, and then enjoyed yourself watching me languish there.
I would like to thank you, though. I'd like to thank you for taking her away from me. Without that kind of agony, I don't think I would have ever recovered from the rut into which my life had happily nestled. Without the thought of her in her new lover's arms, enjoying his body, I wouldn't have been able to push myself up and into the gym every day. Without you torturing me with graphic images of the two of them together, I would never be able to grit my teeth and keep churning out those steps when my legs feel so heavy I don't know if I can lift my foot another inch.
Without you making me miserable professionally, I don't think I could motivate myself to face down a future of financial uncertainty to follow my dreams. I would never be able to abandon the comfort of the easy life I've grown into for the toil and fear of a path uncertain. I'd die unfulfilled and gray, safe and secure inside of a bed inside of a home that I paid for by selling my soul to the gods of convenience and laziness, a pathetic death for a pathetic man.
On the plus side, your sister is just around the corner, and hol-eeeey shit. Two Niney, you never were the best lookin', and baby, time did NOT do you kind. But ole' Twenty Ten, she's a brick shithouse, and she's giving me that slutty, slutty eye.
So long, 2009, you motherfucker. Thanks for the memories.
I can't say I'm sad to see you leaving, Deuce Double Zero Niner. I'm pretty sure you tried to murder me. You presided over me getting my heart broken and losing the woman I loved more than anything on this Earth. You tantalized me with the promotion I've worked so hard to get, for the extra money, only to have me realize that I absolutely do not want it, no way, no how. You pushed me face first into mediocrity, and then enjoyed yourself watching me languish there.
I would like to thank you, though. I'd like to thank you for taking her away from me. Without that kind of agony, I don't think I would have ever recovered from the rut into which my life had happily nestled. Without the thought of her in her new lover's arms, enjoying his body, I wouldn't have been able to push myself up and into the gym every day. Without you torturing me with graphic images of the two of them together, I would never be able to grit my teeth and keep churning out those steps when my legs feel so heavy I don't know if I can lift my foot another inch.
Without you making me miserable professionally, I don't think I could motivate myself to face down a future of financial uncertainty to follow my dreams. I would never be able to abandon the comfort of the easy life I've grown into for the toil and fear of a path uncertain. I'd die unfulfilled and gray, safe and secure inside of a bed inside of a home that I paid for by selling my soul to the gods of convenience and laziness, a pathetic death for a pathetic man.
On the plus side, your sister is just around the corner, and hol-eeeey shit. Two Niney, you never were the best lookin', and baby, time did NOT do you kind. But ole' Twenty Ten, she's a brick shithouse, and she's giving me that slutty, slutty eye.
So long, 2009, you motherfucker. Thanks for the memories.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
slots:
hahaha Lmao! loved it
l1vingdeadgurl:
I fucking love it. Fuck 2009. Giddy Up 2010.