I slid on my big girl panties and handled shit with S. I sat in her living room and practically begged her to give me a second chance to prove to her that what was developing between us was really as amazing as it seems. I made no attempt to shirk responsibility for my decisions, poor as they were. I'm a rookie when it comes to open relationships. I made rookie mistakes. S and I have one rule, and I broke it in my relationship with A. Weighing what I've done, I was shocked to slowly see her change her mind from wanting nothing more to do with me to opening the door just far enough to let me wedge in my foot. I hope she saw the earnest sincerity with which I was trying to convey how I feel and it gave her pause.
S has a monthly game night. I was originally invited, then un-invited following the fall out. She re-extended the invitation last night. There is tension between us, that's undeniable, but it felt so good just to be in her presence. I'm playing it close to the tits, casual, letting her relax and become more comfortable with me over the next weeks and months. I kept my adoration private with secret glances while she was drumming away in Rock Band and happy smiles to myself as I rubbed her cute little feet when she placed them in my lap. The entire thing has the feel of standing still and letting someone fire a revolver at your head to see how close they could come within splitting your skull. That relief rushes out of you like a waterfall when it's finished. I hope the worst is behind us.
Things with E have pretty much disintegrated, and on that front, I am much less affected. I have no idea where I believed that relationship was bound. As I've changed, things between us have become more and more strained. She is judgmental, petty, and self-absorbed. This is the person that's supposed to be my best friend, the one person that's been in my life continuously for the longest amount of time. She hasn't asked me once how I'm doing in the aftermath of breaking up with a woman to whom I was engaged for almost 3 years. She knows absolutely nothing about S, mostly because I don't care to fill in the gaps she has no interest in filling herself. I spent years lost and in love with her, day dreaming about how we'd wander through life and then come back together at some point and finish it all out as husband and wife, pining away my time in angst. Now, I wonder if we're ever going to talk again, and I'm not too perturbed about the prospect.
Man, this is heavy today. Fuck that, SHOW ME THEM TITTIES.
S has a monthly game night. I was originally invited, then un-invited following the fall out. She re-extended the invitation last night. There is tension between us, that's undeniable, but it felt so good just to be in her presence. I'm playing it close to the tits, casual, letting her relax and become more comfortable with me over the next weeks and months. I kept my adoration private with secret glances while she was drumming away in Rock Band and happy smiles to myself as I rubbed her cute little feet when she placed them in my lap. The entire thing has the feel of standing still and letting someone fire a revolver at your head to see how close they could come within splitting your skull. That relief rushes out of you like a waterfall when it's finished. I hope the worst is behind us.
Things with E have pretty much disintegrated, and on that front, I am much less affected. I have no idea where I believed that relationship was bound. As I've changed, things between us have become more and more strained. She is judgmental, petty, and self-absorbed. This is the person that's supposed to be my best friend, the one person that's been in my life continuously for the longest amount of time. She hasn't asked me once how I'm doing in the aftermath of breaking up with a woman to whom I was engaged for almost 3 years. She knows absolutely nothing about S, mostly because I don't care to fill in the gaps she has no interest in filling herself. I spent years lost and in love with her, day dreaming about how we'd wander through life and then come back together at some point and finish it all out as husband and wife, pining away my time in angst. Now, I wonder if we're ever going to talk again, and I'm not too perturbed about the prospect.
Man, this is heavy today. Fuck that, SHOW ME THEM TITTIES.
Good to hear that things are kind of sort of looking better