Im sick, im tired. Every day I have been living I feel like i wear a mask. I go to my job, and I put on my happy outgoing face take care of people, change peoples lives. I come home to loneliness, this struggle with bipolar disorder haunts me. Ive made frequent trips home, and I feel like my old home isnt a home anymore. Ive been listening to NIN - Hurt a lot lately. I feel like the lyrics touch me, thats me in that situation. No one understands what its like, looking at me, hanging out with me there isnt a sign of my torment.
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I know I havent been on in awhile, works always fun. Ive been doing a lot of going out lately. Ive tried to keep myself busy at a non stop pace. It keeps my mind off of things. I missed hell city to do a Crawl for Cancer. Pretty much it was a 5 bar crawl in teams of 12 members. We hit up the arena district and got 4 pitchers at each bar. It was a total shit show, so much of which i had a tremor sunday and decided not to go to Hell city. Ive been serial dating like a mother fucker. I keep finding these attractive women, who like me, and begin to fall for me. I keep picking out a fucking stupid flaw and obsess on it. Push myself away and repeat. Ugh bipolar/ocd for the win! Oh and i think ive found a type, Asians and Tatted/pierced up rocker chicks. I guess the day i find someone who fulfills both, ill kidnap her and marry her.
I am hugely looking forward to Spice. I have 2 buddys that i have met though work that im taking, those two kids have been my only consistent friends ive had this last past month. Its fucking weird, i show no interest in past people ive hung out with. Tomorrow ill go repeat yesterday. Only to do it again. Ill check back in a bit, Keep it real kids and ill leave you with this lyric.
this is what i am
this is what i have become
repeating yesterday
(i blame my lack of SG activity on Facebook...)
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I know I havent been on in awhile, works always fun. Ive been doing a lot of going out lately. Ive tried to keep myself busy at a non stop pace. It keeps my mind off of things. I missed hell city to do a Crawl for Cancer. Pretty much it was a 5 bar crawl in teams of 12 members. We hit up the arena district and got 4 pitchers at each bar. It was a total shit show, so much of which i had a tremor sunday and decided not to go to Hell city. Ive been serial dating like a mother fucker. I keep finding these attractive women, who like me, and begin to fall for me. I keep picking out a fucking stupid flaw and obsess on it. Push myself away and repeat. Ugh bipolar/ocd for the win! Oh and i think ive found a type, Asians and Tatted/pierced up rocker chicks. I guess the day i find someone who fulfills both, ill kidnap her and marry her.
I am hugely looking forward to Spice. I have 2 buddys that i have met though work that im taking, those two kids have been my only consistent friends ive had this last past month. Its fucking weird, i show no interest in past people ive hung out with. Tomorrow ill go repeat yesterday. Only to do it again. Ill check back in a bit, Keep it real kids and ill leave you with this lyric.
this is what i am
this is what i have become
repeating yesterday
(i blame my lack of SG activity on Facebook...)
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
You're welcome and I hope you're feeling better.... I am thinking about going to Spice and if I happen to run into you, I will make sure that I greet you by name... haha.... Bring a few cute girls with you... It will make you feel better...