Saturday Nov 08, 2003

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It was 4 years ago today that my dad died. I'll spare you most of the details. He died of lung cancer 48 hours after being diagnosed, which leads me to believe that he knew that he was dying. I was living in Seattle at the time. He was living in Ft. Myers, FL. That is one long fuckin' plane ride. Upon his insistance, I wasn't told to come until the last minute. I missed him by 6 hours. Instead of saying goodbye, I got to stand in a room that's about as cold as mine is right now, and talk to my dead dad. Never once did he ever tell me that he loved me. That will bother me for the rest of my life. We got along fine. All issues that fathers and sons have were resolved years before that. I just wish that he could have been around to see more of the good things I'm capable of doing. He was a brilliant man, and I have so much respect for him. I just wish he could have "been there" more. I just hope that I can "be there" for everyone that I love. Believe me, I'm trying.
beyondbitter:
That's all you can do... TRY! Really... and that's more than some people will bother with. I would waste time here telling you that he probably didnt want his son to see him waste away, that he probably didnt want you to remember him as a weak old man or a sick one.... I would waste my time saying that but since Im sure you already know it... or have at least thought it. I know it doesnt make it right... people do alot of unpredictable and sometimes hurtful things when they are facing their own mortality. Sometimes the things they think they do out of love are really sort of selfish... but it leaves us with something to give them even after they are gone, ... forgiveness. I hope you find it... BAH... enough of this seriousness...

Me gonna party hard with RANCID on friday and go see UNSEEN on Wednesday night... and ...OMG... Im so excited... RANCID again! I love those guys! No really... I LOVE THEM! Not like I wanna marry them or you know... get dirty with them... but I love what they do to me... that happy feeling in the pit of my stomach that turns into a little skank in my feet and a BIG GIANT smile on my face! I LOVE THEM!

Okay... well have a good damn rest of your weekend too!
Im glad I met you!
Your a good book on a bad day!
Cheers!
Oh yeah... hope you had a blast with Big Sandy... !
ooo aaa

[Edited on Nov 08, 2003 9:47PM]

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