Much needed update (thanks for caring cherryonionkiss):
Well, life just seems to want to get better and better lately.
(damn, it scares me to write that; don't want to jinx things)
But...undeniably, recent heavy events of the past coupla months have cracked my ice. Bye Depression, don't let the gate smack yer ass on the way out!!
S'wierd, feeling all sorts of things: laughter, sorrow...etc But FEELING them, ya know? Soooooooo nice.
Current activities:
-the search for a job goes on. I have started working again for a Audio/Visual Company, doing corporate gigs: conferences, movitvational speakers. The company is really disorganized and expect me to be on call (for $11.50/hr, nope!) But anyways, not wanting a future with them is nice, cause it takes all the performance anxiety out of it.
My current dilemma: do a season of landscaping, which I ADORE and it would definately cement my return to the non-depressive world (hard labor is my therapy of choice). Or, I could go work in Moncton's #1 industry: the call centre ghetto.
I've always resisted phone work cause for the longest time, I really needed a job that kept me fit, owing to the fact that depression made my ability to maintain my health through routine impossible. But actually forcing myself to have a daily routine probably got back on track in the first place.
I love going to the gym now, and I might even be able to commit to aikido lessons again.
And some of the call centres here have really nice benefits, that start immediately after training. Plus, no selling, computer-financing program, gym memberships, free access to shrinks and best of all: a SCHEDULE!!!!! After 7+ years of contract work, what a thought!
-I have applied to go to school next september, in GIS at the local college, and I could probably even get the province to subsidise %50 of ALL my costs!! But the program is SUPER intense (they've crammed a 2 yr program into a 60hr/week, 1 year course). And I am realize that I can't just go from a 10 yr. depression to super-intensity right away. So I think a year of stable, scheduled existence is in order.
Plus, I have actually started considering an ENTIRELY different trade: plumbing!! Don't laugh, plumbers make huge coin, are in MASSIVE demand(the average age is 52!!) and I actually love doing stuff like that. (my grandfather was a mechanical genius, so genetics are on my side.) And since my ultimate goal is to have a small organic farm/education centre, plumbing really fits. Irrigation work, water pumping, sewage treatment, solar water heaters all require advanced plumbing knowledge. Plus, every small community needs plumbers. And, those years where I need an injection of big $$$, I can go up North or overseas on big projects and come back and buy trucks and shit for cash.
Oh, and places like Quebec actually wave ALL tuition and book costs to take high-demand trades like plumbing.
-Best recent news: I have a special lady friend now.
Things are progressing at a baby-step pace, which is crucial for me in my newly emerging state. But my 4 year self-imposed drought is finally over!!!!
Best thing, she more or less made it happen, so it just fell from the sky.
She is VERY FUCKEN COOL!!!! A single-mom, but still her own person, strong but still sensitive. An accomplished jazz musician, she works full time, goes to school and still makes time to have lots of fun. Plus, she's a Tolkien fan and, you won't believe this, she actually looks like how I pictured Arwen all these years. HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
A woman smarter than me, so I can be quiet (almost) and bask in her brains, curiosity and wisdom. Definately an old-soul, she's just 22, but man, she's really got it together.
I don't know if this is gonna last, but I definately cherish EVERY minute with her like I'm going to prison tommorrrow(we watched "25th Hour" yesterday).I feel SO GODDAMN grateful to destiny for allowing this.
Blessed be, indeed!!!
Well, life just seems to want to get better and better lately.
(damn, it scares me to write that; don't want to jinx things)
But...undeniably, recent heavy events of the past coupla months have cracked my ice. Bye Depression, don't let the gate smack yer ass on the way out!!
S'wierd, feeling all sorts of things: laughter, sorrow...etc But FEELING them, ya know? Soooooooo nice.
Current activities:
-the search for a job goes on. I have started working again for a Audio/Visual Company, doing corporate gigs: conferences, movitvational speakers. The company is really disorganized and expect me to be on call (for $11.50/hr, nope!) But anyways, not wanting a future with them is nice, cause it takes all the performance anxiety out of it.
My current dilemma: do a season of landscaping, which I ADORE and it would definately cement my return to the non-depressive world (hard labor is my therapy of choice). Or, I could go work in Moncton's #1 industry: the call centre ghetto.
I've always resisted phone work cause for the longest time, I really needed a job that kept me fit, owing to the fact that depression made my ability to maintain my health through routine impossible. But actually forcing myself to have a daily routine probably got back on track in the first place.
I love going to the gym now, and I might even be able to commit to aikido lessons again.
And some of the call centres here have really nice benefits, that start immediately after training. Plus, no selling, computer-financing program, gym memberships, free access to shrinks and best of all: a SCHEDULE!!!!! After 7+ years of contract work, what a thought!
-I have applied to go to school next september, in GIS at the local college, and I could probably even get the province to subsidise %50 of ALL my costs!! But the program is SUPER intense (they've crammed a 2 yr program into a 60hr/week, 1 year course). And I am realize that I can't just go from a 10 yr. depression to super-intensity right away. So I think a year of stable, scheduled existence is in order.
Plus, I have actually started considering an ENTIRELY different trade: plumbing!! Don't laugh, plumbers make huge coin, are in MASSIVE demand(the average age is 52!!) and I actually love doing stuff like that. (my grandfather was a mechanical genius, so genetics are on my side.) And since my ultimate goal is to have a small organic farm/education centre, plumbing really fits. Irrigation work, water pumping, sewage treatment, solar water heaters all require advanced plumbing knowledge. Plus, every small community needs plumbers. And, those years where I need an injection of big $$$, I can go up North or overseas on big projects and come back and buy trucks and shit for cash.
Oh, and places like Quebec actually wave ALL tuition and book costs to take high-demand trades like plumbing.
-Best recent news: I have a special lady friend now.
Things are progressing at a baby-step pace, which is crucial for me in my newly emerging state. But my 4 year self-imposed drought is finally over!!!!
Best thing, she more or less made it happen, so it just fell from the sky.
She is VERY FUCKEN COOL!!!! A single-mom, but still her own person, strong but still sensitive. An accomplished jazz musician, she works full time, goes to school and still makes time to have lots of fun. Plus, she's a Tolkien fan and, you won't believe this, she actually looks like how I pictured Arwen all these years. HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
A woman smarter than me, so I can be quiet (almost) and bask in her brains, curiosity and wisdom. Definately an old-soul, she's just 22, but man, she's really got it together.
I don't know if this is gonna last, but I definately cherish EVERY minute with her like I'm going to prison tommorrrow(we watched "25th Hour" yesterday).I feel SO GODDAMN grateful to destiny for allowing this.
Blessed be, indeed!!!
self...control...slipping....