In 2013 I decided I wanted to become a suicide girl, and in 2013 I also decided that maybe that it wasn't for the best. In 2013 I was in a very toxic friendship.
I first discovered suicide girls when I was 19 in 2009 and it was love at first site. To quote many a suicide or hopeful before myself; I saw these girls that weren't like all the photoshopped models in the magazines, they were owning their weirdness and kicking ass modelling it. Something I had never seen before, I was hooked.
I kept seeing these girls, these goddesses show up all the time in magazines and online and one day I came across the First Tour DVD, I watched it over and over and over and over and one day something in my head clicked! I didn't just want to drool over them anymore, I wanted to be one!!
So I got online and went straight for the application. I was going to be a suicide girl. I filled in my details. I was going to be one of them. I gathered all the necessary paperwork. I even told my mum! I started planing my first shoot. I stopped.
Remember that toxic friendship? Well then I didn't know how toxic it was, in fact I thought this person was my best friend, I thought they had my best interests in mind, I thought they were good people.
But good people don't lower your self worth for sport, good people don't put you down to keep themselves up, good people don't treat emotions like pieces on a chest board to keep themselves amused, they were not good people. They had convinced me that I'd just embarrass myself, that I didn't have what it took, that I wasn't attractive.
That friendship ended almost 2 years ago, and I am so much better for it, I love myself so much more than I ever did then! But it wasn't until a couple of days ago, that my best friend (@Mischiefmanaged / Insta @mischief_sgh follow her) told me that she took the plunge and joined up, did a fire spark in me to start again.
I love myself so much more now, I am worth it, I am a babe, and I am so excited to be back on this path.
Look out Suicide Girls, I'm coming for that title.
