You are so right Squeakyshoes. Drainpipes are definately the way forward - providing that they're not those rubbih 'I feel like spiderman' plastic ones which break under weight.
Okay okay, something a little more cheery, as promised. Not really sure what, but its got to be better than being burnt alive or belly flopping on the pavement.
Its quite easy to talk shop, if that helps. It can be relatively interesting, but if I bore you, let me know and I'll continue with the 'normal' type journal entries.
Pest controllers know of a telltale sign indicaating the presence of vermin.
Generally speaking, those holes by which rodents travel in and out are surrounded by flecks of grease and grime, which wipe off the mammals fur as they travel through the hole.
It can also be seen around gaps in roof tops and soffit runs, from where starlings or pigeon squeeze through small gaps.
These marking are called 'smear marks' and are as ure sign of vermin activity. Even more so in city pests as they gather traffic film and all the shite floating around the place.
The grime which comes from the animal / birds fur, also comes from the rubbish / nesting material which is being dragged in through the hole.
In some of the dwelling which we are needed, the same 'smear marks' can be seen - although these are not smear marks around rodent holes, these are 'smear marks' around the front door.
Inside, there will usually be several tonnes of rubbish collected for either personal use or thought to be of financial value.
More interesting are those properties where paper has replaced the use of furniture or indeed bedding.
The inside of these properties resemble burrows, with tunnels leading off in several directions, some of which are 'naturally' divided by the property's walls. What was once floor is now several metres thick in newspaper and refuse, which extends to about a metre from the ceiling.
In order to move around the property, you have to squirm about on your bellow. Natural light has been obliterated by sheer volume of compressed paper. The cloudy lightbulbs hand inches from the paper and are a constant (and hot) hazard as they bounce off your shuffling body.
In each room, there will be a shallow pit, often lined with urine or faecal matter and each representing a designated area.
The abundance or ashtrays in each of the pits means that you're in luck - this tenant doesn't mind if you smoke indoors.
The bathroom area is not indeed for washing, although you'd be welcome to pull a plastic bag from the 'floor' area, defecate into it and lob it amongst the rest.
The kitchen is distinguishable by the fast food boxes which move at their own accord. Grubs and larvae were not on the menu at The China Wall take-away, but they are now.
Should you feel that your stay at Hotel Paradiso has come to an end, you can make your way to the front door. Past the bathroom, on the left hand side.
You'll notice that there is a handy slope which allows you to slide to your feet, wipe yourself down, check yourself in the mirror and leave to join the rest of society in everyday life. Off to work, chat with your colleagues, perhaps even work in a kitchen.
Fires seldom occur, but when they do, its becasue of the composting effect you create.
The neighbours are indifferent - apart from the chap below, who says his ceiling is concaving, so it much be something to do with woodworm in the beams.
The lady upstairs reackons the block is haunted as she keeps hearing shuffling noises coming from under the floorboards. She aslo hasn't used her heating for several years. "This blocks got inbuilt central heating, hasn't it".
Okay okay, something a little more cheery, as promised. Not really sure what, but its got to be better than being burnt alive or belly flopping on the pavement.
Its quite easy to talk shop, if that helps. It can be relatively interesting, but if I bore you, let me know and I'll continue with the 'normal' type journal entries.
Pest controllers know of a telltale sign indicaating the presence of vermin.
Generally speaking, those holes by which rodents travel in and out are surrounded by flecks of grease and grime, which wipe off the mammals fur as they travel through the hole.
It can also be seen around gaps in roof tops and soffit runs, from where starlings or pigeon squeeze through small gaps.
These marking are called 'smear marks' and are as ure sign of vermin activity. Even more so in city pests as they gather traffic film and all the shite floating around the place.
The grime which comes from the animal / birds fur, also comes from the rubbish / nesting material which is being dragged in through the hole.
In some of the dwelling which we are needed, the same 'smear marks' can be seen - although these are not smear marks around rodent holes, these are 'smear marks' around the front door.
Inside, there will usually be several tonnes of rubbish collected for either personal use or thought to be of financial value.
More interesting are those properties where paper has replaced the use of furniture or indeed bedding.
The inside of these properties resemble burrows, with tunnels leading off in several directions, some of which are 'naturally' divided by the property's walls. What was once floor is now several metres thick in newspaper and refuse, which extends to about a metre from the ceiling.
In order to move around the property, you have to squirm about on your bellow. Natural light has been obliterated by sheer volume of compressed paper. The cloudy lightbulbs hand inches from the paper and are a constant (and hot) hazard as they bounce off your shuffling body.
In each room, there will be a shallow pit, often lined with urine or faecal matter and each representing a designated area.
The abundance or ashtrays in each of the pits means that you're in luck - this tenant doesn't mind if you smoke indoors.
The bathroom area is not indeed for washing, although you'd be welcome to pull a plastic bag from the 'floor' area, defecate into it and lob it amongst the rest.
The kitchen is distinguishable by the fast food boxes which move at their own accord. Grubs and larvae were not on the menu at The China Wall take-away, but they are now.
Should you feel that your stay at Hotel Paradiso has come to an end, you can make your way to the front door. Past the bathroom, on the left hand side.
You'll notice that there is a handy slope which allows you to slide to your feet, wipe yourself down, check yourself in the mirror and leave to join the rest of society in everyday life. Off to work, chat with your colleagues, perhaps even work in a kitchen.
Fires seldom occur, but when they do, its becasue of the composting effect you create.
The neighbours are indifferent - apart from the chap below, who says his ceiling is concaving, so it much be something to do with woodworm in the beams.
The lady upstairs reackons the block is haunted as she keeps hearing shuffling noises coming from under the floorboards. She aslo hasn't used her heating for several years. "This blocks got inbuilt central heating, hasn't it".
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
i had a m8 who did the spiderman thing when he was drunk. he fell on his face and had to have his head rebuilt. not pretty, but amazing what medicine can do these days.
There was one beautifully surreal day when I was off work with flu. In a sickly haze I tried to come up with a home-made squirrel deterrent. I filled a water pistol with water and chilli sauce, and squirted it all over the drainpipe the furry little swine had been using to access my loft.
They ate it.