mrsted_stryker

This is a semi long blog.. but read it.. its important.

So today, ya glad thats over. All in all... it has been a very sucky day.

I fell down last night. NO ONES fault but my own.. and my ankle is swollen and sore to the touch. Now dont go into panic mode and turn into the nurse/doctors that we all think we are.. I know more about feet than most. My FOOT DOCTOR told me to go to med school, and joked that I could START in 3rd year and still school everyone else. I am icing and elevating and went back in the wheelchair and on crutches.

I paid my taxes. I think we are devising a plan that involves me and butrcup79 driving me to Tucson in out bikinis. Beginning of May. Despite what I say in the rest of this blog... there will be pictures!

I have some things that are personal going on... they hurt and are exciting all at the same time. I just dont choose to share that part of me. Like I said, its PERSONAL.

I am going to be taking down my two sets. Well one for sure. They really dont get too many comments and not that it bothers me... but without the SG logo on them.. i can actually use them... so.

I have about a month left before I get to see someone very special to me. He is near and dear to my heart. Fuck THAT I love the fucker so much it hurts. I understand that we have this public relationship.. I understand that its because we let this happen and that we have all the same friends. ME? I am the vocal open one. but not everyone is. I also know that this relationship has caused some strange feelings. Recently there was a schoolyard tiff on here and many ppl took sides and acted like I dont believe in my heart they would have LIKED to act. THIS put me and the man I love in the middle. Taking sides and what not and taking me off friends list.. and than making comments on HIS blog... that I would see.
Nice try.
or the messaging to me asking whats wrong with HIM.. or if we are ok. We are always ok. We are two ppl, and we still do and always will have our own lives and identities.
See.. what ppl dont realize is that yes, we love SG. Yes, I love this place with all my heart. But ya know what? If I ever had to choose between here and him...I would choose him in a half a second. No faster than that. because the real friends I have I am getting closer to... and I will make arrangements to keep in touch if that were ever to happen.
So in trying to make us fight, which ya we sure did... you brought us closer. Stronger.
and I truly wouldnt fuck with anyone that would gladly slit someones throat while they watch in a mirror for a friend. hmmm
He loves me.
Get over it.
Find a hobby
go play in traffic.

I have shared my entire surgery with this site. I have shared all my tears and pain and fears. When someone takes those things and tries to use them against me... it just makes me pity them. I feel sorry for people that feel the need to bully because they feel so insecure about themselves.
I love me. Actually, I fuckin rock. I love me and I think I am beautiful and funny and I love with every part of my heart and soul and would do anything for anyone... even someone that has wronged me or said bad things about me.
WHY?
Thats me.
So with all the drama of November, and than all the drama in December and THAN all the Drama in JANUARY as well... I have made a few decisions.
1. If you know me.. and want to keep in touch with me... it might be a nice time to send me your email or some other form to keep in touch. NO I AM NOT LEAVING.
one more time for the short bus kids
I AM NOT LEAVING
I have made some fantastic friendships and relationships and I am not willing to give that up. I would just like to able to keep in touch.
2. I will NOT be answering ANY questions about aldremech. If HE chooses to tell you whats wrong with him... than thats fine. He has some great friends on here too. Bit I am gonna have to tell any PMs to mind your fucking business that come. I promised I would. And I agree with it.
3. Everything I have ever done since day one, I did with integrity. I HAVE made mistakes. Some were mine to own up to.. some were just in trusting the wrong ppl. But regardless, I have always spoken from the heart.. and I have always tried to do the right thing. But things I have NOT done. I have not lied, and I have NEVER publicly said bad things about someone by name or in any way that it would be well known who it was. Please see above.. I LOVE me.. and I dont have to put ppl down or get an army to make me feel better about myself. I can laugh, say fuck off, and close the damn computer. VERY few members affect my personal life... VERY few...
This is the final one...
4. I will no longer be publicly speaking about ANYTHING personal. This is NOT "because aldremech said all this". THIS blog right here... is two years of taking abuse from ppl. My sweetie just called it like he saw it...and MY eyes were open. Thats a pat on the back for ME for paying attention. If you KNOW about me, and you would like to know more. just ask. But I really dont want to dish out my feelings on my blog only to have them thrown back in my face. So my blog.. is no longer my personal spot to vent. I have a private Live Journal account and can now use that.

This place has been like a refuge for me. It has been a solace when I was beaten and abused and felt that I wanted to die. SG has gotten me thru some of the hardest times in my life...and for that I am eternally grateful. So thank you SG... for allowing me to meet people that will be in my life forever..
I will not be speaking about this again. I am sick and tired of the High School shit slinging bullshit. Instead of pointing your finger at someone, turn it on yourself. I have.. it hurts, and yet I am better off for it.

SO in conclusion... what am I really trying to say? You hate me? You wanna try and make me and my favorite man fight?
Here is a big fuck off.