mrsfulks

So I have been working at my new job for a few days now I still dont really care for it and next week I will be working at the shop and at the new job some how I have to find time to get my ass to the gym. I feel like my body has changed and not for the better looking at the last set I did I look so much bigger. I am going on a cruise with my mother in feb and the ideal of being in a bathing suit freaks me out. So I will be a good little girl and go to the gym it will also help with the depression witch has been so bad. I think it may be time to make a chose if I go work out I do alright but if I cant get my self to the gym it may be time to think about going on meds. I did the med thing years ago and had very bad side effects from them. I have found my self thinking about ending it all now that last 2 sec but that was enough to really freak me out. I havent shared this with anyone not even my hubby. I know that I will be ok in the end but maybe I need help and for anyone that knows me well enough will knows I never ask for help or want help.

In much happier news we had a good thanks giving we went to my mothers dinner was great the family was fun we all drank to much. Today I bought my self a new coat, my coat from 2 years ago was so big on me it wouldnt stay done up. My coat is black and furry I really am part cat now.(dont worrie no real fur for me.)