As if being a Stockbroker wasn't justification enough, my actions over the past two days have cemented the fact that I am going straight to Hell when I die. I will not pass Go and collect 200; I doubt if I will even have enough time to pack an overnight bag.
Yesterday I was angry. Very, very angry. I haven't been this angry for the best part of 4 years or so. Unfortunately, when I get like this my voice booms a la Brian Blessed and I turn into a quasi-lawyer. There is no point in attempting to challenge me because I have a water tight arguement for everything you could possibly throw at me. The individual I decided to vent my spleen unto wasn't as watertight - they were reduced to tears in a remarkably short period of time. Proper hysterical sobbing accompanied with snot dribbling from a nostrel. It felt satisfactory at the time but, I presume, doesn't necessairly paint the right picture of me to anyone reading this.
This morning I was still very scratchy and was definately of the feeling I would explode at any time. This feeling subsided at almost exactly 1740. How? I hear you cry.
The second reason I am going to Hell and, perversely the same reason for my good mood, is down to a Marks & Spencer carrier bag full of Cadbury's Mini Eggs.
I was walking down the high street carrying the aforementiond bag of sweeties minding my own business when I felt a thunk. Being in a (very angry) world of my own I had failed to notice an adult and small child walking towards me. Swinging the bag in my left hand I had made contact with this childs head and, after a minor teeter, the child fell on to his bottom. The vision was priceless - it looked at me in a bewildered state for a second and then, ensuring an audience was watching, began to cry. It clearly wasn't hurt and was just attention seeking but it cried nevertheless.
What did I do? Did I check to ascertain it's wellbeing? Did I apologies to it's parent? No, I laughed. Heartily. I didn't mean to. It started off as a snigger but as the kid looked up at me I couldn't stop my snigger turning in to a hearty bellow. When the child realised I was mocking it it cried even more.
And I walked off in to the sunset.
I guess I am a bad person but then again I just happen to find small children falling over to be a very funny image.
Sorry
Yesterday I was angry. Very, very angry. I haven't been this angry for the best part of 4 years or so. Unfortunately, when I get like this my voice booms a la Brian Blessed and I turn into a quasi-lawyer. There is no point in attempting to challenge me because I have a water tight arguement for everything you could possibly throw at me. The individual I decided to vent my spleen unto wasn't as watertight - they were reduced to tears in a remarkably short period of time. Proper hysterical sobbing accompanied with snot dribbling from a nostrel. It felt satisfactory at the time but, I presume, doesn't necessairly paint the right picture of me to anyone reading this.
This morning I was still very scratchy and was definately of the feeling I would explode at any time. This feeling subsided at almost exactly 1740. How? I hear you cry.
The second reason I am going to Hell and, perversely the same reason for my good mood, is down to a Marks & Spencer carrier bag full of Cadbury's Mini Eggs.
I was walking down the high street carrying the aforementiond bag of sweeties minding my own business when I felt a thunk. Being in a (very angry) world of my own I had failed to notice an adult and small child walking towards me. Swinging the bag in my left hand I had made contact with this childs head and, after a minor teeter, the child fell on to his bottom. The vision was priceless - it looked at me in a bewildered state for a second and then, ensuring an audience was watching, began to cry. It clearly wasn't hurt and was just attention seeking but it cried nevertheless.
What did I do? Did I check to ascertain it's wellbeing? Did I apologies to it's parent? No, I laughed. Heartily. I didn't mean to. It started off as a snigger but as the kid looked up at me I couldn't stop my snigger turning in to a hearty bellow. When the child realised I was mocking it it cried even more.
And I walked off in to the sunset.
I guess I am a bad person but then again I just happen to find small children falling over to be a very funny image.
Sorry
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
well, i'd prefer not to have to wear the gas mask, so if you think that you can get those fingers of yours shipped over here by 7pm tomorrow nite, i'll give the fingers in the nose deal a try. if not, i guess i'll have to just make noise. if i have enough whiskeys i wont notice everyone else bitching about it. hehhehe.