mro

Monday night was pizza night. With, it turns out, a bijou unexpected difference.

I phoned Pizza Hut, to be greeted on the phone by Ginger. "Oh, MRO, it's you. I recognise your voice. Would you like the usual?"

"Yes" quoth I, "and I am remarkably hungry so can you throw in some chicken wings?"

"No problem, it'll be ready in about 15 minutes"

Hurrah (I thought). Food....

So, off I toddled to collect my bounty of food. It was hot and ready on time, all boxed up and ready for me to take away. I drove home at extra-pronto speed, eager to tuck in and alleviate my hunger pangs.

I got home, sat down infront of my laptop and opened the box of chicken wings......

Now, at this point I should mention that I always, yes ALWAYS, have bbq chicken wings with a barbecue dip. That's my usual, along with my usual stylie of pizza. No deviation, ever.

So, I opened the box which I thought contained barbecue chicken wings to be greeted by..........well, something that wasn't. It was kind of like a chicken wing only covered in breadcrumbs.

My face dropped.

I stared at the contents.

I poked the contents, disapprovingly.

My tummy growled, eager for filling with hot and tasty foodstuffs.

'Oh well' thought I, 'let's give this unexpected divergance a go. How bad can it be....?'

I took a bite, my mouth immediately telling me that I did not like the taste and texture of soggy, half-cooked breadcrumb covering. I spat it out.

Well, tried to spit it out. This is where the unwelcome surprise comes in to play.

Rather than managing to spit out the breadcrumb coating through my mouth, like any other sane adult, I somehow to snort it out through my nose. Large lumps of breadcrumbs coated the inside of my nasal passage, tearing at me with their baked roughness.

And that, dear reader, is when I found out that these are commonly know as Extra Hot And Spicy Breaded Chicken Wings.

My face burst in to flames, my nose began dribbling awful burning snotty stuff, my eyes watered..... it really really really fucking hurts, snorting a pepper and chilli based product. Really fucking hurts.

And when a certain someone phoned me for a brief chat I made the mistake of telling her about my predicament. I had to wait for a few minutes while she stopped howling and crying tears of laughter.

No sympathy at all