Hello, I have indeed been missing from here, somewhat MIA for a few months. Well, I would be seriously surprised if anybody here has noticed. Either way, I feel like, today writing something of an explanation.
I have returned to my home country, Australia. I am living back in Sydney as I did before I moved to the UK for two years. I must admit, my interest in this site has waned somewhat in the last few months. Actually, my interest in women generally is waning. I have been alone for a long time. But while in the Uk I did fall for my best friend, a fellow comedian who frequented the open mic clubs in London as I did. I proposed to her although we have never been anything other than friends. Mainly because my visa restricted me from remaining in that country. Now I think, I would like to be with her one day. But it's a long term plan. In the meantime I have no real interest in seeing anybody else. I am still sexually frustrated but that has almost always been the case for me. I find women indifferent towards me and aloof. People find it difficult to understand. I have no trouble speaking to people. Maybe it's too easy for me, I can't be sure. But either way, 10 years is 10 years. And after you have been single for 10 years it's difficult to meet anyone who understands your feelings.
I am open to meeting new people but considering my past I strongly doubt I will ever meet anyone as good for me as my friend in the UK. She is far and away the friendliest and most unassuming woman i have ever met. She is completely unlike any woman I have ever met. And when I say this, I mean single women. The long time girlfriend of my best friend here in Australia says, in her opinion, that many women gain a new confidence in speaking to people, men in particular, when they are in a good relationship. I agree with this notion. Any positive female companions I have had were not single or a huge distance away. Women who I have only communicated with online. People who don't really know me. This has created a huge seed of doubt in my mind that women dislike me. They prefer to stay away. Women in a relationship think I am a good friend, perhaps. But would never have crossed my path if it wasn't for the fact they are with my friend. Women think I am a decent human via the internet but they don't know me . And otherwise would not know I exist. Single women never contribute anything. Ironically, the only ones who can be bothered to spend time with me were just looking for an easy lay.
Lucie is the first single woman with nothing to lose to just be my friend, spend time with me and enjoy herself. We can laugh together, we went on friend dates. She has helped me so much, give back that confidence which women slowly disintegrated. And over that disintegration, I was able to build an air of confidence. I have got no problem talking to women and getting a phone number perhaps, but inevitably it would prove to be false, or the date would never come about. For weeks they would tell me bullshit, avoiding the truth, they were never interested. Lucie never lied to me. I find women to be weak and heartless towards me. Their behaviour doesn't make any fucking sense at all. I dislike them, more than anything. I like that they can be warm and loving people, it's just a pity they can't be genuinely interested in my character unless they are fucking somebody else. So yeah, I am kind of disillusioned at the moment, and disenchanted completely.
When I went to the UK, I had ideas to meet people. Men would tell me that I am going to fuck women all over the place, which disgusted me to hear that. I find mens' attitude towards women to be completely revolting in many cases and it's not surprising in a way the way women are. I just can never understand why they choose to use me to avenge themselves. I hate to sound jaded and cynical, but that's who I am. I am sick of making excuses for women and their shyness, or fears. They never think of me and don't give a shit how i feel. Many times I thought well, she didn't want to hurt me to tell me she doesn't want to see me. But it's more likely that she just doesn't want a confrontation.
So yeah, to sum up, I bought a sex toy. My comedy is going better than ever before in Sydney. I am making new friends, none of them women mind you. They say it's a male dominated industry and I am not sure that's true. Anyone can sign up for the open mics, n it's just the nature of things that mostly men are doing it. There are women about but as it was in Australia, when I speak to them they have nothing to say to me, much. And unlike the UK, one is not obliged to stay for the whole show. You can leave after your performance which almost all of the women do here. I am hanging out for Lucie. I feel like, less of a pervert. Don't really give a shit for people who wanna hook up for fun. People liek that are not good people. And I have been involved mostly with people of that nature, and never much interest to women of the other nature. I feel like, you know.. How women go about, all the men looking at them. It makes them uncomfortable sometimes. But I am on the other end of the spectrum, I walk about, invisible. But for the first time, I don't care. Lucie loves me, and I hope one day we can be together. Because she is the first woman who ever made an effort to be my friend
