I's a lucky guy, that's what people say. Whether they are trying to be kind, or more maybe to remind me to be grateful, I am never sure. I have friends who appreciate me, even if I am a bastard. Even if they are bastards too, I am lucky to have them. That's what they are trying to say. I am lucky because I was born into the most elite group on Earth, mum says, white, heterosexual male. And Australian to boot. I am lucky to be alive. More so because I have nearly died a few times. But my friend was saying I am lucky to have my health. But no matter how much I know I am lucky, I hate being reminded of that. It makes me angry. Why? I can not easily explain. It irritates me to hear that. I suppose because it makes me feel like, people don't think that I appreciate my life and the way things are. I think in many ways, people create their own odds. I don't believe in fate. I think you end up in certain positions because you have worked to get there. Although I am a white male, and I know what rewards that entails over others, I still feel like I am not exactly reaping these so called benefits either. What was the point of this blog? That is my first food for thought. I am not so lucky in other ways, but I don't feel like going into that right now.
I have my first one hour comedy show on Sunday, and I am lucky enough to have a heap of people coming. And this is exactly what I mean. Although on the one hand, I have a heap of people who are coming to my show, who like my comedy, who like me as a person, are available on the day, I have worked hard since coming to London to meet people and make friends. Well, hard enough without looking strange. Still trying to be casual. haha... Anyhow, I am expecting many more people than I was 6 months ago when I booked it. I think it was a good way to motivate myself, to book this show, before I was ready to do an hour of comedy, before I had the contacts to create an audience. It gave me a goal and a deadline, to evolve, to network. I have made a lot of new acquaintances since January. But I would not put that entirely down to luck at all, because I put myself out there. I am always introducing myself to new people, and I have become quite skilled at making them laugh. It's important to make people laugh right from the start if you tell them you are a comic. I can't identify with everyone, I don't really try. I think it's important to be yourself in any situation. And it is now in my nature to enjoy meeting new people. It wasn't always that way.
When I was a child I was a little bit shy. I was intimidated by having to make new friends. I would hide behind my mother when strangers talked to me. When I was picked on I did not know how to stick up for myself. When people made fun of me, I would burn furiously inside and remain silent. When I reached my teens, I decided I did not want to stay this way. I did not like who I was. I decided to make a change. I wanted to be confident and more out-going. I made myself hilarious in the end. I became the boy who could humiliate you with words if you gave him the excuse. I wanted to become more popular, and I did, although with the wrong people at the time. But I also met some of my best friends in the final years of high school, and they are still my friends now, with the new and improved Joel. So I suppose the point of this blog has now evolved into some kind of motivational speech. If you want to change your behaviour, you can do it. It does take a lot of time, effort and mistakes. But if you keep your goal in mind, you will get there in the end.
I have no fucking idea how my show is going to go on Sunday. I have my material as prepared as normal. Good I think. I have an advantage this time, being that I will know 90% of the audience personally, and they already think I am funny. But although I know I am liked, I should keep in mind that I might have to push myself a bit further to keep them guessing, and not give myself an excuse to be lazy. Actually, I have given myself plenty of excuses to be lazy. I went on a holiday the other week, I did no comedy work. This week have been packed, I have not had time to scratch myself. Today I was meant to start a new job, but the day is mine now, after some disorganised bullshit from a recruitment agency and my new employer meant that I was very late to the job, and missed the site induction. They told me to come back tomorrow. And now in my typical style, I am writing a blog instead of reviewing my notes still! But I have somewhat of a creative process now, I can trust myself that my show will be at least 65% good, and that's enough to impress most people, I think! I may still pass out on stage from pure shock! I have done nothing like this before! 10 minutes is the most time I have spent on stage. And it is a long time, but it is also easy to waste time! People have made it easy for me, after doing so many 5 minute spots at open mics, now I have sort of developed my on-stage personality, and people have given me good feedback about what they like and dislike about me when I perform. I will be filming it and posting it on YouTube, provided it is not the worst day of my life. I am my own worst critic. But I will learn more from this experience than any other so far.
I also recently decided maybe I would be better suited to be a massage therapist instead of a plumber. I gave this German woman a massage last weekend in Athens, and I really worked this knot out of her shoulder! Needless to say, it made her very happy. But I also had not felt something quite like that in someone else's muscle before! I felt a hard lump, and made it disappear! It was strange. Next time I go on holiday, even if I stay in hostels, I should book my own room for at least, the Saturday night. Because I am a sexy motherfucker. But I didn't see it coming! And I feel like, that's part of my energy. If I had been more prepared, maybe I would come across pretentious? I wonder