Yeah, fuck! Where do I start with this one? People fuckin' piss me off! To be brutally honest. I am an open book, I basically, would answer any question truthfully, and not worry about the consequences. So I guess, that's one already! That people think I have secret motives behind the things I say! But that's not where I am going. I think it's related!
The biggest thing which bugs me, I think, is not that people assume that I speak for the attention, or I am trying to score points, or that I don't know what I am talking about, or that I believe anything I read and repeat information without thinking about it first. No, the one biggest thing which bugs me in life, is either that people assume that because I am a male, sex pretty much rules my existence. Any time I am having a problem, that would be the number one solution for me. Go and get laid. Or because I am talking on a date last week, about my 9 years alone, that I am looking for a relationship. This, mind you, is a topic I loathe to discuss, on a fucking date. You pretty much know the first date is turning to shit if you are talking about previous relationships. But I will do that, because I have some kind of alcohol inside me. Only a small amount, and it is like truth serum! Hopeless.
I come across two kinds of women, ones that think I am there just to fuck, or others who think I am some kind of hopeless romantic failure. There does not seem to be a middle ground in there for me to enjoy. I can't be a nice guy who also enjoys casual sex, if it's with the right person. For example, I tell my friend that I would like to have sex this year, it would be nice. If I manage to find someone who also likes to hang out with me, and can enjoy the same things, that would be a bonus. And she says "you are looking for a fuck buddy". I am like, well, that's not what I said at all! I am looking for whatever comes along, I think. It just so happens, that when I am out at the club last night, after a few beverages and a tab of LSD, and then 4 hours of dancing, when I meet the girl who fancies me ont he tube home, for fuck's sake! I am not in the mood anymore. By that stage on a Friday, I have been awake for 23 hours, and 8 of those I was busting my ass at work! But I digress
If there was one myth, that I could dispel, I would do it about this! It is not just about me. I am not a simple creature. I am a complex person! With my own thoughts and feelings! Not a robot, and not some black and white person who either wants to be single, or wants a relationship. Who talks to women with a clear cut motive from the start! I can not deny that yes, I do pretty much want to fuck any woman I choose to talk to. But that does not mean, that I am going to connive my way there. I love women as people! They often make worthwhile friends, if they chose to engage with me that way. But it just so happens, that they don't usually, because they hold preconceived notions about my character and my motives, which remain unchanged, mind you. If it does come up in conversation, critical or not, anything I say after that sounds as though I am on the back foot. Women are always suggesting to me, when I speak of how women sometimes don't want to see me, which fucking hurts every time, but they will say, well, you should just try to get a woman as a friend. See her only as a friend. What do you think I have been trying to do? To get laid, or to get a girlfriend. Of course! I can't just get to know a woman in my own way. She always has to know what I want. And if I tell her I don't know what I want, that sounds disingenuous. If people even cared to ask me what I want! Usually, they do not. They already made up their mind about what I want! And they would not treat me as a friend. They will treat me as a stranger.
But I went out last night and had a blast anyway, at the Suicide Girls Ballroom Blitz. It was amazing! Loved it. I love this site! It has given me so much more than I had ever imagined!! This is a community of love and legend! It's amazing. I had no friends, as usual. But I had some interesting conversations! And I found some women who liked me as well, just a shame that I was kind of too confused by the LSD to push my luck! XD And I went on a date last Sunday too, but the woman has now given me the "it's not you, it's me" treatment, which was both patronising and sweet. Aye. First date I have been on in 18 months. And it didn't go as well as I thought! Better luck next year! lol