mrdavid

i'm sincerely ready to declare that life is full of sweetness when you open yourself up to it. i hate the cheesy hippies with their cookie cutter similarities but maybe deep down i could've been one of the originals. after all i was way more intrigued by the long haired weirdos who were genuinely nice to me as i was growing up in the early 70's, it makes sense. today i made a major decision and if i regret it for a second i'm a fool. i told jeanne that i'm not cool with her being such a girl on the scene. it's old fashioned of me, or old of me or something but i'm not going to fake my way through romance ever again. i'm a one girl at a time type of guy, it's all i ever hoped for and i won't pretend to be otherwise just to seem progressive. what i thought was the ultimate was life's way of showing me what truly is the ultimate. i am a romantic, i'll dedicate my heart to a girl in my own head at the first hint of a spark, but this time i want things to be right and good. jeanne was the hottest woman i ever slept with and we really did have that rare night of connecting but that night past and reality pointed out all the other boys she likes and if it makes me sound psycho then sorry but....what i really want is the one. i worry over it. i was put on anti-depressants over it. i was beat up over it as a kid. i was cast aside as a fem-wimpy boy for caring about it. but it's the one thing i always come back to. i want the girl, i want the one, i want to find her. all my anxieties, sense of humor, sense of self, stem from that want. sara is the bee's knees on every level. her cute round face(like maria de medeiros- - the girl who loved her own belly in pulp fiction), her love of texas kitsch, the way we moved perfectly together and that doesn't mean sex exclusively. i could go on and on but the fact is it meant more to me, and i let jeanne know that i've decided to quit b.s.'ing myself and stick to what feels right for me. so whatever. rad and power to the romantic people who spend their days like me, caught up in their thoughts of making other people as happy as those people make them.