mrdaft

I can't sleep
and
I want to die.


pretty basic if you ask me
----------------
You are all set free.
No need for more
Infamy hidden

I am just a fucking asshole. I am a fucking push over. I am an asshole. Got used to it.

Some days I just wish the pain to endddddddddddddddddddd

Evrybody's free to feel good,
so why can't I?

I seriously think of dying for the most part of the day, I try to find diversions, portals out...I just want some sort of peace. Call it martyr
I call it just wanting to not rip off my face everyday literally.

I am but a fucking speck.
I don't care. Perhaps I should...but I don't
Give me enough pills, it will be done. I don't want no convulsing...just a nice lie down and never wake....

No one will know, no one must know...always trapped within.

I like releasing but never can fully. A shattered soul.

You can all take the time to smell the flowers, i have been trapped away for years.

How can life hurt you when it looks so good. I guess that is living in reality. Shattered images of the romantism of life.

Doesn't fucking matter. I lost all my memories. I was here to find me and guess what, i did.

I am a miserable coot. just a fucking number in a bunch of stats everywhere. I came to find myself, the answers that no one here ever could find.

So might as well let out a little fucking more. Considering that my account is going to lapse in less than a month. I have no cash to renew it. So a glimpse of what lies beneath this fucking fleshbucket.

I have a fucking permanent smirk. It gets me into more trouble than it should...I can't erase it off of my face either. and cutting it doesn't do shit.

I knocked out my teeth on a fucking waterslide, fractured half of my face. I am only finally going to be able to get something to replace the denture plate i have, because someone decided to add me to their health care package...so now I will have titanium screws in my head

ohh, and I was supposed to be aborted, my mother just told me in the past few years. The only reason I wasn't was because some guy who hates my father convinced my mom to keep me what a mistake that was.

the funny thing is I am still pro-choice

then again I am also having serious issues ever wanting to trust anyone on this planet again.

My last gf was pregnant and didn't tell me. She stayed on my couch and decided to move away the next day...we got back together only for her to tell me that she had an abortion a week before I went to go see her. She sat their bawling all night...thinking that I wouldn't forgive her...I did....why? because I am a fucking pushover. Instead I stayed with her for another 4 months only to put up with more shit as "we" tried to get pregnant again then once again she broke up with me....so wtf

I have no clue if she was pregnant when we broke up and I am not sure if I will ever know...nor do i think I should know. But a moral lesson for women who have abortions and decide to not tell the guy...your scum, you have no tact or morals. It is not like I said she had to keep the baby...I am not the one who would have to carry it for months. I would have supported any decision made. So yeah...fuck you., and you too, and that guy reading this over there...fuck you too. Why should I trust anyone completely?

I am truly turning back into that fucking tinman ..cold hearted bastard.
That is what I found...I am coldhearted and emotionless...though my mom says it is just because i don't like sharing my emotions and i have always been that way...well eff it all to fucking hell


thus I want to go die...and this is just the fucking tip of the iceberg called my life.