mrcrisp

UPDATE: yeah, not on hold yet. everyone above me that i talk to is completely clueless and refers me to yet another clueless person. at this rate i'll never go on hold, i'll only continue to fester academically and professionally until the navy will be forced to punish me for my inadvertent shitbaggery. and then my father calls and guilt-trips me about missing my mother's birthday (which i've been stressing over, as well). i'm glad that, with all the shit going on, my father still finds the opportunity to tell me how disappointed he is in me. god, tomorrow will probably be even worse.


here i find myself at the end of another week, on the edge of the breach of midnight. sitting, as comfortable as possible, in a chair that, seemingly, no amount of cushioning can make comfortable. my lower calf twitches on the brink of what will be the most pain i've felt since my last cramp. i've attempted to take this weekend easy, protecting my leg from exertion and certain pain, replaced now, against my best efforts, by involuntary contractions. it's fine: tomorrow i'll return to work and have the pleasure of dealing with plain pain.

a new bunch of bananas may also help.

i'm still at work, even two weeks after i was told i would be put on a provisional medical hold. higher-ups assure me, frequently, that the hold will go into effect no later than tomorrow. tomorrow, we will see. if it does not come then, i will be forced to finally resort to that contingency plan that i have, unfortunately, put off formulating.

according to the same higher-ups, if the two months of provisional hold yield little to no positive results i will go up of a separation panel, something that i'm not entirely apposed to.

my family now (specifically my mother) is catching on to my yearning for discharge, yet it is not something i'm willing to discuss with them at the moment. for all the know, i'm all for the nuclear navy.

work, though, is a frustrating mess. i'm already far behind my shipmates and, while the superiors have reluctantly stayed any punishment or remedials in the advent of my possible disenrollment, i fear that any more delay in putting me on hold will present more negatives. i miss enough work for physical therapy (which is mostly trial and error, as most of the exercises only exacerbate whatever issue there is), but between picking up new medications (i'm up to 4 pain killers now) and dealing with my car (yup, spotty starter; just as i suspected) i'm forced to make up time on the weekends. and now, as a general punishment for falling overall performance (which can be partly blamed on me), work hours have been extended to 14 hours a day.

so yes, i hope i'm gone before tomorrow even ends.

and for the uninformed, most of my job at this moment pertains to qualifying in various aspects about the plant. this includes mechanical equipment and operations, as well as electrical, nuclear, and chemical. falling behind, i'm forced to scurry to study for and participate in as many check-outs as possible in one day, which usually leads to embarrassment. i know it's the time constraint that's the issue, but i'm left feeling self-conscious and, quite frankly, stupid. in fact, almost all of my recent check-outs have resulted in the person testing my knowledge giving me a despising glare, one that says...



so yeah, hopefully this mess is over by the end of tomorrow. the accumulating stress is, indubitably, disadvantageous.

and this song has my speakers captivated tonight...