the story so far...
...presented in an abbreviated format...
my leg (upper anterior thigh) still hurts. it sucks. two separate doctors have been unable to pinpoint the cause, citing either tendonitis or nerve damage. physical therapy has commenced.
the physical therapy (mondays, wednesdays, and fridays at 1400) cuts into my time at work, which means that not only will i have to make up the time missed, but that my productivity will take a hit. as of now, i am behind at work (due to two days taken off to deal with sampling pain killers for the leg, including codine and percocet). any further absence or distraction could prove more than simply detrimental.
my physical condition as of now actually prevents me from performing certain necessary aspects of my job, which makes things even more difficult. speaking with superiors, there is a possibility that i will get set back in the training phase for at least a month to compensate for the time it would take to recuperate from my injury. if there is no remedy, however, a series of events could ensue: i'll be prohibited from work on submarines, then i'll have my nuclear qualification revoked, then i'll have my mechanic qualification revoked, then i'll be separated from the navy.
right now, that's not entirely a bad thing. i'm discovering more, day by day, that i'm certainly not doing what i want to do. up until now, i just tolerated it. as one who's always been impulsive and indecisive, i thought it would be constructive and beneficial to pursue a career that was outside of my imagination and that could have a positive effect on my future. sadly, now i'm at the point where i've realized that perhaps my decision wasn't entirely advantageous. today i realized, in a bout of frustration, that i am actually training to be a mechanic on nuclear reactors. what the fuck? half of the stuff i could care less about. the other half, well, i just barely comprehend.
it's just not me. sadly, i feel like i'm stuck in my current position, with no where to go but forward. is this injury a blessing in disguise? what would i rather do? honestly, after a year of limited experience, i still doubt that i was born to be a mechanic. sure, i enjoy the material and the work, but a lot of it (including the dangers and responsibilities) are overwhelming. i've considered requesting being dropped from my current assignment and being allowed to pick up another rate, such as yeoman. yes, i'd hate to be a glorified military secretary, but it seems to be the closest naval occupation to what i'm used to doing in life. unless there's a hippy slacker rating.
and what do i want to do with life? honestly, i've always been lost on this topic. between yearning to see the world and to be creatively active again (long, exhausting hours at work has done nothing but stifle what imagination and dedication i had left), i have little other aspirations. i want to write again, to publish and share. i want to have the time to take my camera out again. i want to get back to practicing my drawings. sure, none of this is as lucrative nor as respectable as being a nuclear engineer, but who gives a shit? i'm content with living life at my own pace, by my own rules. regardless of how often i attempt to convince myself that this isn't true, it is.
not to mention that i've recently fallen in love. long distance relationships are a tremendous bitch, but this one is worth it. i flew her in last thursday, and we spent the weekend watching movies and enjoying each other's company. i forgot about my leg, about my job, about my frustrations and worries. i had a companion that i connected with on so many levels. right now, the lucky gal is back in california and we're already tossing together plans for yet another rendezvous in the near future.
work permitting. injury permitting. reality permitting.
as of now, the present and future are increasingly uncertain, and it's certainly frustrating. oh how i yearn for things to be simple and painless right now.
and that's the abridged version.
...presented in an abbreviated format...
my leg (upper anterior thigh) still hurts. it sucks. two separate doctors have been unable to pinpoint the cause, citing either tendonitis or nerve damage. physical therapy has commenced.
the physical therapy (mondays, wednesdays, and fridays at 1400) cuts into my time at work, which means that not only will i have to make up the time missed, but that my productivity will take a hit. as of now, i am behind at work (due to two days taken off to deal with sampling pain killers for the leg, including codine and percocet). any further absence or distraction could prove more than simply detrimental.
my physical condition as of now actually prevents me from performing certain necessary aspects of my job, which makes things even more difficult. speaking with superiors, there is a possibility that i will get set back in the training phase for at least a month to compensate for the time it would take to recuperate from my injury. if there is no remedy, however, a series of events could ensue: i'll be prohibited from work on submarines, then i'll have my nuclear qualification revoked, then i'll have my mechanic qualification revoked, then i'll be separated from the navy.
right now, that's not entirely a bad thing. i'm discovering more, day by day, that i'm certainly not doing what i want to do. up until now, i just tolerated it. as one who's always been impulsive and indecisive, i thought it would be constructive and beneficial to pursue a career that was outside of my imagination and that could have a positive effect on my future. sadly, now i'm at the point where i've realized that perhaps my decision wasn't entirely advantageous. today i realized, in a bout of frustration, that i am actually training to be a mechanic on nuclear reactors. what the fuck? half of the stuff i could care less about. the other half, well, i just barely comprehend.
it's just not me. sadly, i feel like i'm stuck in my current position, with no where to go but forward. is this injury a blessing in disguise? what would i rather do? honestly, after a year of limited experience, i still doubt that i was born to be a mechanic. sure, i enjoy the material and the work, but a lot of it (including the dangers and responsibilities) are overwhelming. i've considered requesting being dropped from my current assignment and being allowed to pick up another rate, such as yeoman. yes, i'd hate to be a glorified military secretary, but it seems to be the closest naval occupation to what i'm used to doing in life. unless there's a hippy slacker rating.
and what do i want to do with life? honestly, i've always been lost on this topic. between yearning to see the world and to be creatively active again (long, exhausting hours at work has done nothing but stifle what imagination and dedication i had left), i have little other aspirations. i want to write again, to publish and share. i want to have the time to take my camera out again. i want to get back to practicing my drawings. sure, none of this is as lucrative nor as respectable as being a nuclear engineer, but who gives a shit? i'm content with living life at my own pace, by my own rules. regardless of how often i attempt to convince myself that this isn't true, it is.
not to mention that i've recently fallen in love. long distance relationships are a tremendous bitch, but this one is worth it. i flew her in last thursday, and we spent the weekend watching movies and enjoying each other's company. i forgot about my leg, about my job, about my frustrations and worries. i had a companion that i connected with on so many levels. right now, the lucky gal is back in california and we're already tossing together plans for yet another rendezvous in the near future.
work permitting. injury permitting. reality permitting.
as of now, the present and future are increasingly uncertain, and it's certainly frustrating. oh how i yearn for things to be simple and painless right now.
and that's the abridged version.
I'm glad that you've finally found someone to make you happy. You deserve it, truly.
You've been having problems with that leg for so long now I've forgotten what you originally did that fucked it up ? Fuckin lame it's still giving you problems. I hope everything winds up ok for you.
Being in a lucrative and respectable career doesn't always = happiness.
I've always been pretty happy with my own pace and rules. Though being poor and uncertain can just as easily be a detriment to happiness. Contentedness, thats the secret, as long as it doesn't lead you to complacency.
Count your blessings + follow your dreams + love = happy