whatever. fuck it. awful mood.
forget about it.
got my hair cut. look like an exhausted, irish lyle lovett.
Go west young man while you still can
Before you're old and gray
Go west and make a better life
Than you could if you stayed
So tell your family
And tell your friends good-bye
Say you'll write them
And keep them on your mind
And say you'll see them
Whenever someone dies
And says good-bye to Carolina
got into a couple of fights today, broken up quickly. could jeopardize my current position if the transgressions continue. i want to break some faces. it's only fucking monday. been very aggressive as of late. obviously.
feel like i'm folding in on myself, eyes first into my gut, back hunched, stomach pinched. i'm not hungry, and while meals at the galley have never been very appetizing, food in general has lost its overall appeal.
in one of my stronger moments i devoured a rather large burger, smothered in bbq sauce, two kinds of cheese, bacon, yada yada. with fries that were coated in motherfucking brown sugar. all at the wonderful recommendation of Trevallion.
the service wasn't so bad, either. cute girl, spent most of the time just sitting around and chatting it up while the restaurant closed, it's low lights dimming, the blues amplified then. she had a boyfriend and weed, only one of which i was interested in.
the taxi came an hour later, before the lager wore off, after four patrol cars rolled by, their lights extinguished, and pulled up next to each other silently in the sticky night. cicadas roared with the blood in my ears as i sat on a unbalanced bench and placed unanswered calls to a friend of mine.
i left five of them before the law enforcement assembly disassembled, i left six of them before the cab arrived. by estimates, it would take seven messages to fully explain how empty i feel right now. quitting before the job is done - story of my life. why she would even care is beyond me.
the driver was a young woman, not far from my own age, with her ancient veteran father riding shotgun. he talked about dying at the new veteran's hospital being built on base. she told me about her ex-husband, a sailor who worked on base who done run out on her.
i got a call the next morning from a stranger. none of my friends are returning my calls. i feel selfish for feeling so lonely.
there's somebody else's musky shirt in my closet.
this isn't where i belong, i'm just as out of place as that rank top.
my family has too much faith in me. they are too proud in me. i will fail, i have failed, and i can't tell them. i can't be happy now, not as long as they are. i assume that i'd much rather have them be happy. why bother living for yourself if you can't even appreciate it?
this is the only place i care to be this open. dear diary, no one reads you. my secrets are safe with obscurity.
back to work. have an exam tomorrow. shouldn't be a problem, but it's not success here that i care about.
forget about it.
forget about it.
got my hair cut. look like an exhausted, irish lyle lovett.
Go west young man while you still can
Before you're old and gray
Go west and make a better life
Than you could if you stayed
So tell your family
And tell your friends good-bye
Say you'll write them
And keep them on your mind
And say you'll see them
Whenever someone dies
And says good-bye to Carolina
got into a couple of fights today, broken up quickly. could jeopardize my current position if the transgressions continue. i want to break some faces. it's only fucking monday. been very aggressive as of late. obviously.
feel like i'm folding in on myself, eyes first into my gut, back hunched, stomach pinched. i'm not hungry, and while meals at the galley have never been very appetizing, food in general has lost its overall appeal.
in one of my stronger moments i devoured a rather large burger, smothered in bbq sauce, two kinds of cheese, bacon, yada yada. with fries that were coated in motherfucking brown sugar. all at the wonderful recommendation of Trevallion.
the service wasn't so bad, either. cute girl, spent most of the time just sitting around and chatting it up while the restaurant closed, it's low lights dimming, the blues amplified then. she had a boyfriend and weed, only one of which i was interested in.
the taxi came an hour later, before the lager wore off, after four patrol cars rolled by, their lights extinguished, and pulled up next to each other silently in the sticky night. cicadas roared with the blood in my ears as i sat on a unbalanced bench and placed unanswered calls to a friend of mine.
i left five of them before the law enforcement assembly disassembled, i left six of them before the cab arrived. by estimates, it would take seven messages to fully explain how empty i feel right now. quitting before the job is done - story of my life. why she would even care is beyond me.
the driver was a young woman, not far from my own age, with her ancient veteran father riding shotgun. he talked about dying at the new veteran's hospital being built on base. she told me about her ex-husband, a sailor who worked on base who done run out on her.
i got a call the next morning from a stranger. none of my friends are returning my calls. i feel selfish for feeling so lonely.
there's somebody else's musky shirt in my closet.
this isn't where i belong, i'm just as out of place as that rank top.
my family has too much faith in me. they are too proud in me. i will fail, i have failed, and i can't tell them. i can't be happy now, not as long as they are. i assume that i'd much rather have them be happy. why bother living for yourself if you can't even appreciate it?
this is the only place i care to be this open. dear diary, no one reads you. my secrets are safe with obscurity.
back to work. have an exam tomorrow. shouldn't be a problem, but it's not success here that i care about.
forget about it.
<3 BURNING MAN SOOON
when you retire from that whole sailor gig(in a few years when we decide to be pirates), you can come with me to a huge pagan festival... k?
I need think of something delicious to send you that won't get destroyed, despite my best efforts.
Take care of yourself.