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"So if you should find me living low,
When all those miles have passed me by,
And it seems that I have left now all that could I love behind,
I'm just towing that line."
-"Tow," The Devil Makes Three
while "tow" is a nautical term, one never tows a line (the closest appropriate term being "heave" as in "heave around"), and the original phrase is "toe the line," but the contemporary version works well enough. and i'm just being scrupulous here. it's a great song, especially the live version on their latest album "a little bit faster and a little bit worse." we listened to the album all weekend, my friends and i being huge devil makes three fans, but the song didn't start to have a real effect on my until i listened to it again. especially that last part i've quoted above.
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ano?
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ordered a copy of the forever war by joe haldeman for $1. my current book collection here on base is fairly small, it's population made up entirely of books that i've already read and loved (notable examples: lullaby by chuck palahniuk, tours of the black clock by steve erickson, and dermaphoria by craig clevenger; three books that if i read now would only bum me out more.) i still have to finish reading king's the stand; i'm about half-way through, page 539 of 1141. that should give the forever war enough time to arrive in the mail. if you know the story, you probably know why i ordered it and why it warranted mention.
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i say a lot of stupid shit.
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haven't gotten to know anyone from my new division too well, though there are plenty of them that i get along with already, no real jerk-offs like the last division, thankfully. sadly, that's left me isolated at least for this weekend. i have nothing to do really, and i don't want to just sit around (base rules require that sailors leaving the base be accompanied by at least 2 other sailors). sure, i want to go out and see 1408 or sunshine (which is only playing in san francisco right now
) or maybe go spend my money on shit i don't need. sure i want to go out and grab a couple of drinks and a nice dinner. but i don't want to do any of that by my lonesome. no, that would just be sad.so this weekend i'm ultimately doomed (or blessed) to be stuck doing nothing but studying all day. yeah, so 6.5 hours today, probably the same tomorrow. next week sees me doing more work during the week and probably just as much during the weekend. i have an exam already on thursday, though i just started instruction on wednesday! oh well, the material isn't quite difficult, nor extensive, though there's still a lot of work to do if i want to comprehend it fully (or at least be able to reproduce the information verbatim, which is a lauded feat here at NNPTC). honestly, i can see myself spending more and more time honing my understanding of all the topics. so yeah, if i want to memorize it all, i'm going to be busy.
while not inspired by the recent article by WilWheaton (which did partly inspire me procure a copy of the forever war), i have made the decision recently to "go off the grid." it's partly because i'm just starting a new leg of training (and apparently this is supposed to be one of if not the hardest programs in the united states). it's also because i'm about to move into new quarters and i won't have the internet anymore. personal internet here on base costs around $60 a month and that doesn't include the initial fees. i could be doing better things than sitting in front of the computer during my free time, anyways. like right now, i could be memorizing important shit instead of writing this blog. i could be back in shape and not worrying about my physical fitness assessment next week. i could be off getting in trouble, too, but whatever.
so yeah, starting next week (maybe, depends on when i move), i won't be around anymore. maybe i'll come back after i've finally settled in. we'll see how it goes. you know my number; give me a call. if you don't, i'll be happy to hand it out.
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i also worry too much.
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and holy shit, it's around 01500 now, about 7 hours since i wrote the rest of this post, and since then i've had a whole pitcher of blue moon and 4 shots of jager to drink and i feel like an asshole since i've lost my military id (which is a bad thing and i think i know where it is and i hope i don't have to use it soon and i don't know how i lost i) and right now i'm drunk and wondering where i left my id and deleting a lot of extra letters ans spelling everything wrong and where the fuck did i leave my id. an damn. and damn. and damn....my id was right next to my debit card which is still there and shit and shit and....
damn it....
god damn it....
fuuuuuuuuuuuck.
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1138:22JUL07:
haha, fucking blue moon...
still drunk, still looking for my ID. probably shouldn't go into work yet.
somebody shut me up.
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1529:22JUL07:
reading over this post now that i'm fairly sober, yeah...i feel dumber. new rule: no drinking and writing! 
goof...
how embarrassing.
the bar opens at 1600, so i get to go check if they have my ID. hopefully they do, so i can get it back and pretend like i never lost it (and like half the people on base don't know that i lost it already). and if i don't get it back...ugh. i get a new one (i already had to get a new one since my promotion), but then i also get shit for losing government property. hell, we get shit for even losing our glasses, but this is more serious shit. i'll probably have some "extra military instruction," which means i'll stand some bullshit watch or write an essay or whatever else they think up. i hope, though, that i don't get masted, which would be total shit. even if i get an EMI, i've pissed my "early promote" eval away, but if i get masted i lose that brand new promotion, too. fucking bullshit. well, if i get kicked out of the program (for losing my ID, unlikely, but still...) i dunno what i'd do, honestly. i'd be a conventional mechanic, so that's not so bad. sometimes i actually consider the opportunity to go to iraq, dunno why.
okay, bar opens soon.
i need that ID card to get into the building, so no studying so far for me today, which sucks. so i've pretty much been doing nothing but sobering up. imagine it as a rocky-esque montage, me running around, staggering around, shaving, brushing my teeth, putting on horrendously oversized jeans, cleaning the jagerpuke off the toilet, rubbing a capped deodorant stick under each arm, checking the clock, etc.
also, i need the ID card to eat at the galley and to shop at the supermarket on base. so yeah, fucked for food, and after that jagerpuke last night i'm extremely hungry. there are stale chips in the closet, but i've sworn off junk food, even stale junk food, and eating that would make me feel as if i've finally hit rock bottom.
like a drunk david hasslehoff eating a messy burger off the floor, here lies MM3 crisp attempting to gather up what's left of his dignity.
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1657:22JUL07:
nope, no luck. i'm fucked.
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okay, i'm going to try to get into the building anyways...
