Thank you Atlas for switching on the light switch of my mind...
I've realized how much my short move 2 miles up the street is affecting me. I've lived in the same 8 unit apartment complex for the last 5 years to the week. I have been living in Phoenix for the last 10 years, and this is the longest I've stayed at one place in that 10 years. for a few years there I was moving almost every 4 months. moving in and out of friends places, or hole in the wall rooms for rent. I didn't fear life I was too busy living it. working hard, playing hard (in more ways then one). Driving down winding mountain roads at 90+mph scaring myself to feel the rush.
Now with the history I've built in this apartment, it's hard to move. My feet have become rooted in this "safe place" and I haven't been living life like I used to. That's all about to change. my move is going to force me to slim down. Time to cut off all the dead weight and feel free again.
I need to realize that my safe place shouldn't be a location, but rather a state of mind. As much as I try to deny it, I'm someone they talk about in my "world". I'm constantly hearing from ppl when I go to BDSM parties "Oh So you're Mr. Bubble Wrap. I've heard a lot of things about you." And when I'm in the fetish crowed...well yeah they've heard of me...but the "elite" fetish ppl are always so happy to see me.. and it still boggles me. I don't have me, then Mr.Bubble like so many other performers/ socialites have there "on" personality. you get what you see.
On a side note, I've had the "fear" that I may feel obligated to move back to my home town (of death) to help take care of my parents. I can't live in Iowa. I just can't. My life is just so much bigger then Iowa can hold, and no mater how liberal ppl _IN_ Iowa say they are....they're deathly conservative to me and I feel suffocated by them. Also living in a metro city of 5Mil I can't live someplace where it's not even 50,000. Chicago's the next closest big city I would want to go to and....I'll have to finish this blog when I get home from work....fuck I'm going to be late.
Ok, back from work. where did I leave off..Oh yeah. ...and I don't want to start from scratch with the BDSM and fetish community there, some how I don't think I'll ever be as well known as I am here in Phoenix. Though it would be quite the challenge...and if I did become known...my brain just can't wrap around the idea of being known across the US. To quote a great chef I used to work for "I'm just a part time ferris wheel operator." Of all the stupid things to worry about....I just shouldn't look that far ahead. god knows what can/will happen between now and then, or if Then will ever happen.
I wanted to start to make plans for when I fly into Chicago this December and meet up with as many SG ppl as I can. It's a month away and I'm not even guaranteed I'll get the days off I need. DocSparrow had to stop me before I started to look too far ahead... I mean really, who's going to remember to be at bar X at X:XX pm on Monday blah blah blah. that's like a month away. 2 weeks I think is the key.
Anyway, my future holds great possibilities.
I've realized how much my short move 2 miles up the street is affecting me. I've lived in the same 8 unit apartment complex for the last 5 years to the week. I have been living in Phoenix for the last 10 years, and this is the longest I've stayed at one place in that 10 years. for a few years there I was moving almost every 4 months. moving in and out of friends places, or hole in the wall rooms for rent. I didn't fear life I was too busy living it. working hard, playing hard (in more ways then one). Driving down winding mountain roads at 90+mph scaring myself to feel the rush.
Now with the history I've built in this apartment, it's hard to move. My feet have become rooted in this "safe place" and I haven't been living life like I used to. That's all about to change. my move is going to force me to slim down. Time to cut off all the dead weight and feel free again.
I need to realize that my safe place shouldn't be a location, but rather a state of mind. As much as I try to deny it, I'm someone they talk about in my "world". I'm constantly hearing from ppl when I go to BDSM parties "Oh So you're Mr. Bubble Wrap. I've heard a lot of things about you." And when I'm in the fetish crowed...well yeah they've heard of me...but the "elite" fetish ppl are always so happy to see me.. and it still boggles me. I don't have me, then Mr.Bubble like so many other performers/ socialites have there "on" personality. you get what you see.
On a side note, I've had the "fear" that I may feel obligated to move back to my home town (of death) to help take care of my parents. I can't live in Iowa. I just can't. My life is just so much bigger then Iowa can hold, and no mater how liberal ppl _IN_ Iowa say they are....they're deathly conservative to me and I feel suffocated by them. Also living in a metro city of 5Mil I can't live someplace where it's not even 50,000. Chicago's the next closest big city I would want to go to and....I'll have to finish this blog when I get home from work....fuck I'm going to be late.
Ok, back from work. where did I leave off..Oh yeah. ...and I don't want to start from scratch with the BDSM and fetish community there, some how I don't think I'll ever be as well known as I am here in Phoenix. Though it would be quite the challenge...and if I did become known...my brain just can't wrap around the idea of being known across the US. To quote a great chef I used to work for "I'm just a part time ferris wheel operator." Of all the stupid things to worry about....I just shouldn't look that far ahead. god knows what can/will happen between now and then, or if Then will ever happen.
I wanted to start to make plans for when I fly into Chicago this December and meet up with as many SG ppl as I can. It's a month away and I'm not even guaranteed I'll get the days off I need. DocSparrow had to stop me before I started to look too far ahead... I mean really, who's going to remember to be at bar X at X:XX pm on Monday blah blah blah. that's like a month away. 2 weeks I think is the key.
Anyway, my future holds great possibilities.