mr_zero

Last night. 8:00 PM.

I was standing here playing my guitar with headphones on. My front door opens. I wasn't expecting anyone so, naturally I pulled a gun. Scared the shit out of the friends that walked in. Nothing duplicates the fear that someone experiences when they hear the slide of a semi automatic handgun. Well except the sound of a pump action shotgun. My friend Mike was turned white. This is an accomplishment, he is a redhead.

He, his girlfriend (I don't remember her name.), Marty (My bosses brother), Casey (nickname Mongo, use your imagination), Ryan and someother dude decided it would be a good idea to come get me for the evening foray. SOUTH WILMINGTON!!!!! A podunk town of about 300 people. Mike runs a beer route down there and needed to deliver a keg. "It's a really cool bar." or so he promised. I made them wait while I showered and shaved. Yes, I shaved the entire goatee off. Then we set off.

We arrived at the bar and my first impression was "Roadhouse". Remember that movie with Patrick Swayze? This place was freshly built though. There was an area of the dance floor with band equipment set up. The scene was like this. About 100 people. Smoking cloves, and pretending not to notice our motley crew walking in. Some of the girls were in uniforms from some sporting event. There was an obligitory grungy guy (It wasn't me this time). There was also that greasy perv guy too. You know the guy that hits on every woman in sight with gems such as "That shirt would look great crumpled on my floor in the morning." I choked on my shot of Jack when I heard that one.

I am standing there with Mongo and say. "Where the fuck did all these hipsters come from? I mean really, isn't it all pig farms and cornfeilds out here? I was thinking we were coming to a redneck bar." We were drinking our free beers and on number 4 when some KMFDM starts playing. I start getting into the rythum. I was the only one dancing in place to it. Mike comes up to me and says "I can tell you like this place. Not bad eh?" I said, "Yeah, what's the catch? Free beer, decent music, lots of hotties. It can't be the drive down here." He smiled. I should have known.

The band came out and introduced themselves while I was talking to this girl about her sports uniform. (Kickball by the way.) "Hawdy ya'll." The hair on my neck stood up. I recognize someone imitaing a sothwestern accent when I hear it. I turn around and there they stood. Aloud I said, "Holy Christ where in the fuck is that hat going with that person." She got up glaring and walked away. They burts into something that sounded somewhat familiar. It was a little too fast. Then I thought I was going to pass out - "Early one mornin' while makin' the rounds...." It was horrible. I wanted to cry. I turned to the bartender and asked for 3 wise men - STAT. She just looked at me all blanklike. Mongo was grinning at me, Marty just stared and Mike was outright laughing. The world seemed to become tattered on it's edges. I was expecting to fall over and wake up in a velvet curtained room with a creepy dwarf at any second.

I could go on about the bar and how band it was but time seemd to stretch. I remember vaguely walking into the men's room and seeing some chick in their holding her skirt up, pissing standing up. There was Ryan dancing with like 5 girls to "Keep Your Hands To Yourself". I remember being bought about 20 Jello shots because the women were entertained by the fact that I didnt use a toothpick for them. (I doon't think they had alchohol in them, I never actually acheived a drunken state) Then the bar was closing. We stood there with the bouncer taking for a minute. Mike walked up with a 30 pack of Busch Light. "Let's go hit up Snookers they close at 3" he said.

We all pile in our cars and head out. We were driving in a 3 car convoy. Ryan with me in my truck bitchin about not getting any. Marty and Mongo. Mike his gf and the other dude. Mrty was driving all fucked up. He wasn't drunk but just screwin around. This Sherrif passes us and decides to turn around and follow Marty. So we all split up and left the cop at a corner trying to figure out who to follow. Guess who? Here are your choices. 89 Chevy Blazer, 90 Dodge shadow or the Black 96 Chevy pickup that sounds like a racecar and has a tall white guy with earrings behind the wheel.

You got it. He followed my ass to the county line. Ryan freaked out the whole time. I just calmly did the speed limit while Ryan took over phone duties telling everyone what was happening. "Yeah the cop is following us and you know how Nick is. He probably has a fuckin 45 under the seat. If we get pulled over We are probably going to jail." Come on Ryan have a little faith I wont get pulled over.

When we made it to Snookers the gang was waiting. I cussed Marty out for his driving and we went in and had some drinks. I introduced the rubes to 2 of my favorite drinks. JD Amaretto 151 and Coke with a Jager Goldschlager 151 and Jack for shots. They weren't brave enough for the drink but everyone had one shot. I had 3 shots. The bar is on Marty's route. The owner let us pull our cars around back to drink the 30 pack. I passed out in my car and woke up in it at about 9 AM. I have no idea what happened to everyone else.

So yeah fun times. Sometimes I wonder if I am just an oddity magnet.