am feeling blank tonight.
bleh.
bleh.
Have been noticing lately that some of the subject lines of the ridiculous amount of spam I receive are getting interesting. I suspect this is part of an attempt to avoid filtering software. No matter what the cause, I'm pleased as punch (whatever the hell *that* means).
......................................
we have to hate our immediate predecessors to get free of their authority
calamities exertion food flickers...
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we have to hate our immediate predecessors to get free of their authority
calamities exertion food flickers...
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Panic on the streets of me.
Collapsed on my floor last night, distraught and hyperventilating. During my panic attack I decided I shouldn't be alone. Called a friend at like 2:30 in the morning. She came over and stayed with me for a while.
*thank you darling*
Also, thanks to the pharmaceutical industry at large. With the aid of "better living through chemistry" I was...
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Collapsed on my floor last night, distraught and hyperventilating. During my panic attack I decided I shouldn't be alone. Called a friend at like 2:30 in the morning. She came over and stayed with me for a while.
*thank you darling*
Also, thanks to the pharmaceutical industry at large. With the aid of "better living through chemistry" I was...
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cellosoul:
Glad to hear you are feeling better and able to take good care of yourself, Precious Thing.
You are (very) welcome.
You are (very) welcome.
Have decided to stop pretending to be best friends with my ex, at least for now. I say "pretending" because I am still in love with her and want more (there I go again, always wanting more). I need some distance, but to keep from burning any bridges, I shall attempt to put a "keep alive" in place.
That's is a term I picked up...
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That's is a term I picked up...
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Found a copy a used book by William S. Burroughs Junior. He's the son of THE William S. Burroughs. Apparently, when Jr. was four years old he was at the party where his father accidentally shot his mother in the head (rumor has it they were doing a "William Tell" routine that went horribly wrong).
Anyway, Burroughs Jr. followed his father's footsteps into the world...
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Anyway, Burroughs Jr. followed his father's footsteps into the world...
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cellosoul:
I got a lot out of that quotation (making up my own sense about it...). Open books are valuable like that.
mr_demille:
I wish I was an *artiste*
Have been sucked into the 5th season of Buffy on DVD. My Mom and little sis are out of town, and I've been taking advantage of their yuppie lifestyle. Groovy downtown pad, deluxo vechicle, and (as is relevant to Buffy) an enourmous television.
If feel like I'm back in High School and my parents are away for the weekend. Probably should have had a party....
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If feel like I'm back in High School and my parents are away for the weekend. Probably should have had a party....
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pureblu12225:
I've tried a few aloe jells emm em they are awesome in deed
thanx
thanx
Have been feeling down about a couple relationships in my life. The most prominent being the one with my ex, M. I've been so preoccupied with my own heartbreak over her, it's started to cloud my judgement with others.
The other day I was feeling heartbroken, and needy, and fat, and ugly, and lonely (oh, so lonely). I ended up in the arms of a...
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The other day I was feeling heartbroken, and needy, and fat, and ugly, and lonely (oh, so lonely). I ended up in the arms of a...
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cellosoul:
Mr_Demille please be most assured you ARE a positive influence. Not knowing you all too well I already know your POSITIVE energy is the only thing that 'spreads around;' ("Let's go here!" he says. "This is great, this is beautiful!!," he says. "You should check this out!" "*You, this, that, she is beautiful!" he says.) And on and on like this.
I imagine you inspired someone, even as you were seeking your own inspiration in moments. I don't think that the idea's a typical one. Or that "rejection" is involved from the little I know of this. There is so much to like in the world, I'm sure that's what your connection represented. Skin on skin is like an elegant handshake. Greeting. Party! Vacation spot.
I don't think the girl feels rejected, in my opinion. She is probably just withdrawing. The word "withdraw" is an interesting one. You can "withdraw" toward, or away from something. Withdrawing from society, withdrawing to warm arms, and a warm smile. Where is the mystery or "hurt" in this?
I imagine that girl has a little bit of sufi in her. Maybe just unexpected emotions show up. They do that sometimes. It doesn't sound uncool in my estimation. You probably both sought and got what you wanted: warmth! Cold day, rainy (which is beautiful!) you find a lovely restaurant where the music's great and they have fantastic heaters! You sit there for a while. God this food's pretty good. Nice I can see the view and get a little warm. Then, leaving, you reflect on it. "I liked that meal..." I'll have to do that a little more often. Little spring in your step, maybe, as you walk by there. Where is the 'hurt' in that?
How can you "love" someone in such a brief span of time? History must be shared, time must be invested (most usually).
You can't help it if you're a lightbringer and a dear soul. You cannot, by definition, control the feelings of another!
From what I know of a bit of offline backstory, it sounds like that girl rhapsodizes people, places and things. Waxes beatific on them. Maybe she is just withdrawing now because of making a different choice. If you both went in with honesty and that has been the through line, I don't think there is any burden or "ouch" about it. Maybe just savor the fruit of the goodness of it, as you can. That is probably what she is doing! You're a beat poet, with flavor! Maybe it was just an experience thing! Maybe the experience chanced the trajectory of her ideas, like seeing a really excellent film. Think on it like that. "s.o.c.k.s."
I imagine you inspired someone, even as you were seeking your own inspiration in moments. I don't think that the idea's a typical one. Or that "rejection" is involved from the little I know of this. There is so much to like in the world, I'm sure that's what your connection represented. Skin on skin is like an elegant handshake. Greeting. Party! Vacation spot.
I don't think the girl feels rejected, in my opinion. She is probably just withdrawing. The word "withdraw" is an interesting one. You can "withdraw" toward, or away from something. Withdrawing from society, withdrawing to warm arms, and a warm smile. Where is the mystery or "hurt" in this?
I imagine that girl has a little bit of sufi in her. Maybe just unexpected emotions show up. They do that sometimes. It doesn't sound uncool in my estimation. You probably both sought and got what you wanted: warmth! Cold day, rainy (which is beautiful!) you find a lovely restaurant where the music's great and they have fantastic heaters! You sit there for a while. God this food's pretty good. Nice I can see the view and get a little warm. Then, leaving, you reflect on it. "I liked that meal..." I'll have to do that a little more often. Little spring in your step, maybe, as you walk by there. Where is the 'hurt' in that?
How can you "love" someone in such a brief span of time? History must be shared, time must be invested (most usually).
You can't help it if you're a lightbringer and a dear soul. You cannot, by definition, control the feelings of another!
From what I know of a bit of offline backstory, it sounds like that girl rhapsodizes people, places and things. Waxes beatific on them. Maybe she is just withdrawing now because of making a different choice. If you both went in with honesty and that has been the through line, I don't think there is any burden or "ouch" about it. Maybe just savor the fruit of the goodness of it, as you can. That is probably what she is doing! You're a beat poet, with flavor! Maybe it was just an experience thing! Maybe the experience chanced the trajectory of her ideas, like seeing a really excellent film. Think on it like that. "s.o.c.k.s."
Why is it *so* hard for me to let go of someone, once they have become precious to me? In trying to hold on, I'm tearing everything and everyone around me to pieces, including myself. Especially myself.
Today was the shittiest day I've had in a while, and I've had some shitty days lately. Don't have the energy to write about it at length at...
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Today was the shittiest day I've had in a while, and I've had some shitty days lately. Don't have the energy to write about it at length at...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
bullet_mckenzie:
im down in san diego as often as i can go. not that much i have a job here in ventura and im always filming or editing something or another, but i go to visit the girls all the time....
iyce:
re: to your response
tina turner..he...he..he.. that's funny
tina turner..he...he..he.. that's funny
random thoughts:
Last Thursday, a friend invited me to brunch on Easter. My response, "Maybe. When's Easter"? Sheesh. I mean, I'm not very big on celebrating most holidays, but you'd think I was at least *aware* of them.
A guy asked me if I was going to watch "the game". I'm not even sure what sport he was talking about, let alone which teams. My...
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Last Thursday, a friend invited me to brunch on Easter. My response, "Maybe. When's Easter"? Sheesh. I mean, I'm not very big on celebrating most holidays, but you'd think I was at least *aware* of them.
A guy asked me if I was going to watch "the game". I'm not even sure what sport he was talking about, let alone which teams. My...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
epiphany:
Hi. Yay another San Diegan friend!
Yes, Call Me Alice is the name of my band. We will be playing San Diego again soon (probably in June) We are finishing up recording. You can check it out at the CMA Website
P.S - I used to live in Honolulu too when I was a kid I was born there.
Yes, Call Me Alice is the name of my band. We will be playing San Diego again soon (probably in June) We are finishing up recording. You can check it out at the CMA Website
P.S - I used to live in Honolulu too when I was a kid
I was born there.
cellosoul:
"Flaccid ego..." yeah, I just realized I stole that from a Siouxsie and the Banshees song.
And if x marks the spot I'll make mine a Maker's Mark Manhattan.
And if x marks the spot I'll make mine a Maker's Mark Manhattan.
Yay! The lovely RoseMarie stopped by my profile and said she liked my pic. I'm quite flattered, as she is definitely the cat's *meow*.
Am just now getting home (6:45am, well after dawn) after quite an interesting night.
First off, I went to see a pre-release screening of "The Mayor of Sunset Strip", a documentary by George Hickenlooper (who also did "Hearts of Darkness") about...
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Am just now getting home (6:45am, well after dawn) after quite an interesting night.
First off, I went to see a pre-release screening of "The Mayor of Sunset Strip", a documentary by George Hickenlooper (who also did "Hearts of Darkness") about...
Read More
cellosoul:
WOW! This sounds like a lovely time, all told. It all sounds pretty natural, normal par for the course and such. You aimed to have a good time, and persisted in your heart until you got what you wanted.
So, good for you.
Is having feelings or wanting cuddles girly, and not "boy-y?" Hm....
Rhetorical question...?
Hm.
So, good for you.
Is having feelings or wanting cuddles girly, and not "boy-y?" Hm....
Rhetorical question...?
Hm.
Talking to sugarjones last night inspired me to start organizing and posting some of my older graphic endeavours. You can check them out in the "my pics" area. Hopefully I'll add more as time goes by...
First up is a self portrait series called "portrait of the artist as a lung gland". I did this about eight years ago, when I was just learning how...
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First up is a self portrait series called "portrait of the artist as a lung gland". I did this about eight years ago, when I was just learning how...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
rosemarie:
That is, hands down, the most awesome profile pic on the site.
I also love picture #1 in your mememememe folder.
I also love picture #1 in your mememememe folder.
cellosoul:
Yay! Inspiration circles. SG is world-renowned for that!
Diggin' on the photos! Current faves: smiling b, photo b, and of course cheesy backdrop (sharky shark) b!
Cool schtuff.
Diggin' on the photos! Current faves: smiling b, photo b, and of course cheesy backdrop (sharky shark) b!
Cool schtuff.
oops--so used to flipping around photos all day i didn't upload it emoticon style.
in joy.
sj
[Edited on Apr 22, 2004 11:13PM]