Went to the SGB show last night. It was *very* cool. They are all so talented. I'm glad they're helping bring burlesque back to life.
I lurked after the show and had some of the girls sign a poster for me. This was more or less a shameless ploy to try to get pictures with them. Well, maybe it wasn't just a ploy. Having the...
Read More
I lurked after the show and had some of the girls sign a poster for me. This was more or less a shameless ploy to try to get pictures with them. Well, maybe it wasn't just a ploy. Having the...
Read More
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Urgh.
My life has been challenging of late. Most recently, due to a death in the family. My uncle passed away over the weekend. I didn't get along with him very well, but my Mom was really broken up about it. I ended up spending a couple of days at her house to, well, to be there I guess. Heavy, difficult, emotionally stressful situation. I...
Read More
My life has been challenging of late. Most recently, due to a death in the family. My uncle passed away over the weekend. I didn't get along with him very well, but my Mom was really broken up about it. I ended up spending a couple of days at her house to, well, to be there I guess. Heavy, difficult, emotionally stressful situation. I...
Read More
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
cellosoul:
Sounds like you're staying strong, still seeking/finding joy. Take lots of pics during your travels. Photos, I find, are helping me to contextualize moments with a lot of the unspeakable in them.
Anyh00t, also am enjoying your latest pics at SG.
Take good care. Always.
s
Anyh00t, also am enjoying your latest pics at SG.
Take good care. Always.
s
ouioui:
hi there I finally met you face to face and i was so tipsy... I am so sorry I hope you had fun cuz i did 
It was super nice to meet you!!! 
It was super nice to meet you!!! Heard Romy Kaye belt out one of my favorite songs the other night.
As she sang I began to over-related to the lyrics. I thought, my god, I've become a woman trapped in a country/western tune!
Granted, I'm not pining over some rambling man. Instead, I'm pining over a gal who is extremely punctual and tends to make lots of lists. But pining is pining...
Read More
As she sang I began to over-related to the lyrics. I thought, my god, I've become a woman trapped in a country/western tune!
Granted, I'm not pining over some rambling man. Instead, I'm pining over a gal who is extremely punctual and tends to make lots of lists. But pining is pining...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cellosoul:
Much love to you, sweetest mr_d, I know all things work out. They have to. Thinking best thoughts for, to, about you and yours.
Thank you SO MUCH for being a TRUE friend. Here's me...telling the depressionmonster to fuck off. Do you see me flipping the depressionmonster off? Where'd I put that A.K.?
Purple garlands, strewn through your (e-) house para ti,
-s
[Edited on May 19, 2004 2:35AM]
Thank you SO MUCH for being a TRUE friend. Here's me...telling the depressionmonster to fuck off. Do you see me flipping the depressionmonster off? Where'd I put that A.K.?
Purple garlands, strewn through your (e-) house para ti,
-s
[Edited on May 19, 2004 2:35AM]
rosemarie:
Yes, I loved your ideas from last week. I went over them with my photographer and we are going to go with something very similar. It wont be black and white, but close to it, and very simple. I don't want to tell too much so you will still be somewhat surprised when you get to see it (hopefully it will get accepted!).
Pining is so romantic. That tugging yearning feeling is sweet, in a way. Sweet and sad, like the music of Patsy Cline...*sigh*
Pining is so romantic. That tugging yearning feeling is sweet, in a way. Sweet and sad, like the music of Patsy Cline...*sigh*
Well, life trudges on. I've been pretty heartbroken and down over the past couple of weeks, but I think I'm starting to come around the bend.
Went to some interesting things this weekend, not the least of which was south of the border at a place called "La Antigua Bodega Del Papel". Apparently it used to be a paper factory in Tijuana, but now it...
Read More
Went to some interesting things this weekend, not the least of which was south of the border at a place called "La Antigua Bodega Del Papel". Apparently it used to be a paper factory in Tijuana, but now it...
Read More
ouioui:
Hello there, thanks for the compliment and Nice to have a new friend. I hopw you can get over the heart ache soon. that is a horrible place to be.
Happy Mother's Day to all your motherly types out there. May your day be merry and bright.
con aprecio,
~b
con aprecio,
~b
Went to day one of Spring Reverb 04 last night at the Museum of Contemporary Art Downtown. Very cool. Am heading south of the border tonight for part two of the event.
Notable performances:
John Butcher - doing full on "Hateful Free Form Jazz" (to paraphrase The Kids in The Hall) I dig it because I'm into that sorta thing, but I suspect most people...
Read More
Notable performances:
John Butcher - doing full on "Hateful Free Form Jazz" (to paraphrase The Kids in The Hall) I dig it because I'm into that sorta thing, but I suspect most people...
Read More
note to self: remember Emily Dickinson
She wrote in obscurity. Only 7 of her poems (she wrote somthing like 1800 of them) were published during her lifetime. She died in 1886. Her sister edited and published some more of her work in the late 1800s, but it wasn't until 1945 (when "Bolts of Melody" was published by her neice) that her poetry became well known....
Read More
She wrote in obscurity. Only 7 of her poems (she wrote somthing like 1800 of them) were published during her lifetime. She died in 1886. Her sister edited and published some more of her work in the late 1800s, but it wasn't until 1945 (when "Bolts of Melody" was published by her neice) that her poetry became well known....
Read More
cellosoul:
I'd say 'yes.' Writing tends to help me see more of myself. Learn more about myself (fiction, or non). I've read lots of books about writing all my life, and this idea seems to be a universal one.
Even people whose lives may not be the happiest or most exciting seem to find or create meaning from creation. This of course is only my 2 cents and I realize this is a 'rhetorical question.'
Continuing to wish, for you and yours, zee best of zee best.
s
edited for clarity
[Edited on May 22, 2004 10:57PM]
Even people whose lives may not be the happiest or most exciting seem to find or create meaning from creation. This of course is only my 2 cents and I realize this is a 'rhetorical question.'
Continuing to wish, for you and yours, zee best of zee best.
s
edited for clarity
[Edited on May 22, 2004 10:57PM]
I once had a dream, a very brief dream, in which I opened myself up. I took off my shirt and pressed my fingers to the middle of my chest. With supernatural strength, like a surgeon cracking a ribcage, I tore it wide open.
As I was ripping myself apart, I felt an overwhelming fear.
I wanted to be full of light. I wanted sunbeams...
Read More
As I was ripping myself apart, I felt an overwhelming fear.
I wanted to be full of light. I wanted sunbeams...
Read More
cellosoul:
Oh, dear...
Well, there's a lot to be said for being a passionate soul, and even capping that off with not being violently so. I'd encourage you to take it easier on yourself in regard to that. You are a passionate soul and have masterfully balanced that with reason (realizing what went on, not being all violent about ita lot of people cant do that, or choose NOT TO). Huge kudos.
As for your beloved, I've never been in such a position. Hard to respond, though my heart goes out to youI wanted to share healing thoughts.
Maybe you're thinking you're not allowed to feel hurt? Rather than allowing for that very normal feeling? Allowing it to take its course? Just a question, rhetorical...
No one wants someone they love to leave. Anyone who says they dont feel hurt about, or torn up about ittheyre just good liars. Were all individual, we handle these things in different ways. So many people are expert at presenting their best face to others in all situations. It can be easy to forget this when things or situations feel like theyre at their worst.
Yes...despite the fact there are worlds of wondrous people around, you can't "replace" good fits like parts that have gone bad, or tires gone flat. No clich or truism is going to make that feel any better, sometimes.
From what you're saying, though, it sounds like you're handling it quite valiantly. Honesty helps. It's harder when one lies to oneself, or it can be made to seem more difficult. I don't see any of that here.
Ever heard of that Zen concept...I don't know technically what it's called, but Alan Watts called it "the flip." In the concept, you'll find you're at the lowest point in life, in a situation, or in an idea, and all of a sudden, when you've reached the bottommost point, you're out of it, 180 degrees away from it, starting over, and doing well, or even, very well. It's not like that 12-steppy 'bottoming out' idea. It's different.
I intuit that you're going through that.
As for fear, whether it's in a dream, or in the day to day, fear is not fact. There is so much light, so much brightness and sun in your spirit (even in the midst of your most salacious, biting wit!). I'm sure your friends have told you this before. Maybe it wasn't called "lightness," but humor's humor! I see that in your persistence of vision, too. In the Beat parts of you. Willingness to beat down the doors and get all the truth and experience you can. About M, though, the feeling just plain sucks, I can see that. I wish you continued healing and insight in this process. Wish there was a magic pillthere are, but they dont seem to be programmable for specific things like this (sigh)
Here's to thoughts of continued resolution. Peace of mind. Positive "flip." (Clink!)
sj
Well, there's a lot to be said for being a passionate soul, and even capping that off with not being violently so. I'd encourage you to take it easier on yourself in regard to that. You are a passionate soul and have masterfully balanced that with reason (realizing what went on, not being all violent about ita lot of people cant do that, or choose NOT TO). Huge kudos.
As for your beloved, I've never been in such a position. Hard to respond, though my heart goes out to youI wanted to share healing thoughts.
Maybe you're thinking you're not allowed to feel hurt? Rather than allowing for that very normal feeling? Allowing it to take its course? Just a question, rhetorical...
No one wants someone they love to leave. Anyone who says they dont feel hurt about, or torn up about ittheyre just good liars. Were all individual, we handle these things in different ways. So many people are expert at presenting their best face to others in all situations. It can be easy to forget this when things or situations feel like theyre at their worst.
Yes...despite the fact there are worlds of wondrous people around, you can't "replace" good fits like parts that have gone bad, or tires gone flat. No clich or truism is going to make that feel any better, sometimes.
From what you're saying, though, it sounds like you're handling it quite valiantly. Honesty helps. It's harder when one lies to oneself, or it can be made to seem more difficult. I don't see any of that here.
Ever heard of that Zen concept...I don't know technically what it's called, but Alan Watts called it "the flip." In the concept, you'll find you're at the lowest point in life, in a situation, or in an idea, and all of a sudden, when you've reached the bottommost point, you're out of it, 180 degrees away from it, starting over, and doing well, or even, very well. It's not like that 12-steppy 'bottoming out' idea. It's different.
I intuit that you're going through that.
As for fear, whether it's in a dream, or in the day to day, fear is not fact. There is so much light, so much brightness and sun in your spirit (even in the midst of your most salacious, biting wit!). I'm sure your friends have told you this before. Maybe it wasn't called "lightness," but humor's humor! I see that in your persistence of vision, too. In the Beat parts of you. Willingness to beat down the doors and get all the truth and experience you can. About M, though, the feeling just plain sucks, I can see that. I wish you continued healing and insight in this process. Wish there was a magic pillthere are, but they dont seem to be programmable for specific things like this (sigh)
Here's to thoughts of continued resolution. Peace of mind. Positive "flip." (Clink!)
sj
leavemehere:
Such wise words from the sugarjones.
As always.
I was just gonna go with damn straight!
Breaking up sucks ass.
Just go get really wasted.
That's my advice.
Either way. Hello new san diego person
later
lmh
As always.
I was just gonna go with damn straight!
Breaking up sucks ass.
Just go get really wasted.
That's my advice.
Either way. Hello new san diego person
later
lmh
The other night as I was heading home, I got to thinking about Cabaret (the movie and its theme song). I wondered, "what good IS sitting alone in my room?" Figured I needed to hear a little music play.
So, in keeping with the spirit of the film (and aforementioned theme song), I decided to go out. A solas (that's alone - for those of...
Read More
So, in keeping with the spirit of the film (and aforementioned theme song), I decided to go out. A solas (that's alone - for those of...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cellosoul:
Nice story. Such a good thing to do for yourself -- vibrant entry, too! Much flavor. You most definitely make those phrases twist and turn in enjoyable, lively ways.
As for the tips regarding more inspirational prose, I thank you.
sj
As for the tips regarding more inspirational prose, I thank you.
sj
rosemarie:
Thank you ever so much for putting that song in my head! 
It willl be there for days, because it is so perky and punky.
That is awesome that you approached her. Although you might have thought you sounded foolish, I am sure that she was flattered and appreciated your genuine compliment.
Thank you for your praise on my writing. Lately I am feeling every little occurance with such freaky intensity, that I have to pong it back out, whether by journal entries, or yelling out happy songs as I drive to school in my little green car. I find the Carpenters Top of The World is a perfect song for this, but any pop song from 1976 will work too.
It willl be there for days, because it is so perky and punky.
That is awesome that you approached her. Although you might have thought you sounded foolish, I am sure that she was flattered and appreciated your genuine compliment.
Thank you for your praise on my writing. Lately I am feeling every little occurance with such freaky intensity, that I have to pong it back out, whether by journal entries, or yelling out happy songs as I drive to school in my little green car. I find the Carpenters Top of The World is a perfect song for this, but any pop song from 1976 will work too.
ugh. currently depressed, heartbroken, and unemployed. nasty trinity.
on a different note, am currently watching a replay of a Beck concert in Austin, from back when he was using the Flaming Lips as his band. Yay PBS and "Austin City Limits". Is Beck still playing with them?
Today concludes the first week in which I haven't spoken to M in over a year. Week two...
Read More
on a different note, am currently watching a replay of a Beck concert in Austin, from back when he was using the Flaming Lips as his band. Yay PBS and "Austin City Limits". Is Beck still playing with them?
Today concludes the first week in which I haven't spoken to M in over a year. Week two...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
pureblu12225:
keep the cheer up...ur cheer thats not the word I was looking for hmm oh well how about keep your head up and truck on through
bullet_mckenzie:
just passing by and saying hello.... how are you doing doll? well hope all is well!
-Bullet
-Bullet
Have completed exhaustive session of watching Buffy Season 5 (like 10 hours straight - damn cliffhangers). Largely due to procrastinating on projects for my class. Am now considering second pass to get available commentary and/or special features.
Dork.
Actually, I took the Geek test this afternoon (more procrastinating). Turns out I'm a:
41.02564% - Major Geek
Not too high, not horribly low. Basically confirms my...
Read More
Dork.
Actually, I took the Geek test this afternoon (more procrastinating). Turns out I'm a:
41.02564% - Major Geek
Not too high, not horribly low. Basically confirms my...
Read More
cellosoul:
Enjoying the new pics.
sj
Enjoying the new pics.
sj
Went out and saw Kill Bill 2 the other night with my new friend R. Really enjoyed it, much more than part 1. My big complaint with 1 was that there wasn't enough dialouge. 2 is chock full of it. I wish they had been released as a single film. Look forward to somewhere screening them back to back.
After the film I hung out...
Read More
After the film I hung out...
Read More
cellosoul:
So much of the yummy stuff in the world. So much of tha' hot. Keep on exploring! Good 'report...' nice reflection.
cellosoul:
Re: Your Response:
Oh goodness. Firstly noyou are certainly no 2nd stage sideshowthe words, my words and musings, I guess thats what Id meant was circus-like. Creating ornate contraptions and Lego sets with lots of text, with all my musing and little to no action. Thats what I meant.
You? Freakish? Hardly. Beat, though, in my eyes. Beatnik blood. Sometimes people called the Beats freaks. Labels just plain suck sometimes.
Advocating devilish thought Its just fine. It stimulates thought. Foul mood, eh? I hope some illumination comes as time progressesthat this can be freed up. One always hopes those kinds of things can be temporaryor at least I do? Its okay. Even if you were in a good mood, you could still share those kinds of things, frankly. Dont have to qualify that.
Your feedback is important. To me. No grains of salt in them. Grains of truth? Yes. I see benevolence in them.
Ah hellreduction curechanging of habits. Well, that ideas a good one. I had a nebulous plan Id just stop someday. That idea was practical
Pure authenticity? Its a goal, I suppose. In my estimation. We are always conflicted and hypocritical on some level, yeah. But I guess my idea of being authentic is sharing as much truth as you know in the moment, whether you reveal that to yourself or to others. There are no angels and saints walking around here, I know this, Darlin.
Ill see about that Tennessee Williams piece.
Well, humans kind of groove on importunity it seems. Asking asking asking for this, that, needing the I wants to be checked off. It seems that way. Even if its not conscious. Lots of people enjoy being miserabletelling themselves they dont. At least I have been told before, If you really didnt enjoy it you would change itfind a way to change it regarding various things or ideas. Maybe that is too short sighted.
Thats the point exactly. Getting everything we want we realize some of it is faux happinessthat we didnt want this or that all along, and then we go out and carve new desires. I think I agree therewe are desire-driven kids.
Mkay. Im listeningalthough a pimp slap might not be such a bad thingit would depend on where the slap was directedhow oftenhow vehementlyhowwhat was I typing?
Why trite, B? Why not honest. Why not refreshingly frank? How might the mood go un-foul? Would you like it to? Would that I could if I could do it for myself, at any point in time, sure then, for you, and that one there, and that one, over thereetc. You use that phrase sometimes and it always makes me wish for something better for you. Sometimes though, these things serve a purpose. And we just sit with them and get through them. I always appreciate the humor and (amazing!) lightness you exude through it all. You do see this too, yeah?
As for bitter, sweetI agree with you. I had a yummy drink last night. Suggest something, I said to the delicious Bostonian barboy. He offered to create a drink on the spot. Asked, do you like this thing, or taste? This kind of feeling, that? all I asked for was sweetness. Fruit? says he. Okay.
He made this lab-green concoction. I sipped. Actually, he wound up throwing in quite a bit of sour, and I still thought it was delicious. As is par for the course for me, I gulped it down, savored the taste, and then told him whythat it has a completely delicious mix of the bitter and the sweetand that it was unexpected, a lovely surprise.
Oh goodness. Firstly noyou are certainly no 2nd stage sideshowthe words, my words and musings, I guess thats what Id meant was circus-like. Creating ornate contraptions and Lego sets with lots of text, with all my musing and little to no action. Thats what I meant.
You? Freakish? Hardly. Beat, though, in my eyes. Beatnik blood. Sometimes people called the Beats freaks. Labels just plain suck sometimes.
Advocating devilish thought
Its just fine. It stimulates thought. Foul mood, eh? I hope some illumination comes as time progressesthat this can be freed up. One always hopes those kinds of things can be temporaryor at least I do? Its okay. Even if you were in a good mood, you could still share those kinds of things, frankly. Dont have to qualify that.
Your feedback is important. To me. No grains of salt in them. Grains of truth? Yes. I see benevolence in them.
Ah hellreduction curechanging of habits. Well, that ideas a good one. I had a nebulous plan Id just stop someday. That idea was practical
Pure authenticity? Its a goal, I suppose. In my estimation. We are always conflicted and hypocritical on some level, yeah. But I guess my idea of being authentic is sharing as much truth as you know in the moment, whether you reveal that to yourself or to others. There are no angels and saints walking around here, I know this, Darlin.
Ill see about that Tennessee Williams piece.
Well, humans kind of groove on importunity it seems. Asking asking asking for this, that, needing the I wants to be checked off. It seems that way. Even if its not conscious. Lots of people enjoy being miserabletelling themselves they dont. At least I have been told before, If you really didnt enjoy it you would change itfind a way to change it regarding various things or ideas. Maybe that is too short sighted.
Thats the point exactly. Getting everything we want we realize some of it is faux happinessthat we didnt want this or that all along, and then we go out and carve new desires. I think I agree therewe are desire-driven kids.
Mkay. Im listeningalthough a pimp slap might not be such a bad thingit would depend on where the slap was directedhow oftenhow vehementlyhowwhat was I typing?
Why trite, B? Why not honest. Why not refreshingly frank? How might the mood go un-foul? Would you like it to? Would that I could if I could do it for myself, at any point in time, sure then, for you, and that one there, and that one, over thereetc. You use that phrase sometimes and it always makes me wish for something better for you. Sometimes though, these things serve a purpose. And we just sit with them and get through them. I always appreciate the humor and (amazing!) lightness you exude through it all. You do see this too, yeah?
As for bitter, sweetI agree with you. I had a yummy drink last night. Suggest something, I said to the delicious Bostonian barboy. He offered to create a drink on the spot. Asked, do you like this thing, or taste? This kind of feeling, that? all I asked for was sweetness. Fruit? says he. Okay.
He made this lab-green concoction. I sipped. Actually, he wound up throwing in quite a bit of sour, and I still thought it was delicious. As is par for the course for me, I gulped it down, savored the taste, and then told him whythat it has a completely delicious mix of the bitter and the sweetand that it was unexpected, a lovely surprise.
(Let us hope my English skills are better than my Spanish skills or I may never be able to say what I mean to say. Which is to say...)
Witty comments are always appreciated on my end. And I do give extra credit for working that sleazy sexual angle, as well.
Stinging? Perhaps. Warranted? No.
Thank you for the nightmare fodder. Those pictures should serve as a warning to all pretenders to the Peter Pan throne....