I had a couple ideas for journal entries, but I didn't write them down fast enough. I would like to say I've very sorry that Louise has decided to leave SG. She was my favorite favorite, all freckled and sexy and tough. I did a desktop of her once, because her body is unique, lean and comic booky; very cool for that kind of thing. If by some freak chance she checks here, sorry you're gone, bebe!
News wise, I'm going back to school in September. Seattle Central for Graphic Arts. I've been an Art Director the last few years, but I'm missing all these places in my education 'cause it's all on the job training.
My job moved to Memphis, so I'm using the opportunity to get that little piece of paper employers like so much.
Anyway, in the meantime, here's what happens when your local playgroup hands out a homework assignment involving writing a scene with Super heroes. Then you realize you can't do comedy, because The Tick has mined that vein dry.
So, you write a scene of heartbreak, heavily influenced my David Mamet (without the swearing and only a little betrayal) and you get a piece that, perhaps, is a little too subtle for the group you wrote it for... or it just sucks. You decide.
Here's the first scene.
Superhero Drama
A One Act play by Daniel Kaufman
ACT ONE - A Rest home
SCENE 1 DADs BEDROOM
JEFF (mid/late 30s) stands in the doorway to a room. In the room his DAD lays in bed. HELEN (late teens/early 20s) is in the act of leaving.
HELEN
I'll see you on patrol.
JEFF
Yeah. Patrol.
She exits. Jeff ENTERS the room.
DAD
Jeff?
JEFF
When I was younger... when I was young... when I had a crush on someone... I would sit around and debate why. Why she didn't like you. (pause) When you have a crush on them... when you're old. Older, I guess. You know why.
DAD
It's nice to see you again, boy.
JEFF
When I was your partner. Your sidekick. I had a crush on Ms. Orient. Remember that?
DAD
Sure. I remember her.
JEFF
Yeah, Empress Ronin's partner. Sidekick. She was... at least two years older than me, I think.
DAD
You had a crush on Ms. Orient?
JEFF
Yeah.
DAD
I never knew.
JEFF
Yeah.
DAD
Did you ever tell her? Ms. Orient I mean?
JEFF
No, never did. Almost. When. I almost told her that time we fought Honeycomb and his Bee Men. Afterward.
DAD
I remember that. He was a sweet bastard. Almost killed us all.
JEFF
I spent the next month obsessing over it.
DAD
Honeycomb?
JEFF
No, dad, Ms. Orient. I had a crush on her, remember?
DAD
(pause, thinks) Yes. I guess. No. You have a crush?
JEFF
When I was a kid all I could think about was the reasons why. Maybe I wasn't handsome enough. Maybe she liked stronger men. Boys. Maybe she was already seeing someone.
DAD
Ms. Orient? She was only... she was a girl, then, Jeffy. A child.
JEFF
No, dad, she was a teen then. Like me. She was... like 17 or 18, I bet. I was 15. I could have a crush by then.
DAD
By when?
JEFF
Maybe she was seeing Jack Lantern. He was about her age. All that black on his uniform must have looked pretty cool to her.
DAD
Where's Helen?
JEFF
She'll be by later, dad. She had to run an errand.
DAD
(looks over Jeff's shoulder) Talon!
JEFF
Dad! (pause) Dad. She'll be here later, I promise.
DAD
I like that girl.
JEFF
Helen's a brave hero, dad. She's a better sidekick than I ever was. And she'll make a better Owl when it comes time.
DAD
You're making a fine Owl. Better than I ever was.
JEFF
Don't be stu... Dad, you were a great Owl. The best. Even without the feathered scepter, you could fly circles around me.
DAD
The feathered scepter...
JEFF
You remember, dad? Your magic wand...
DAD
Sure. Yes. The feathered scepter.
JEFF
You always claimed Athena gave it to you --
DAD
Athena gave that to me. To fight crime.
JEFF
(pause) I know, dad.
DAD
Did you tell her?
JEFF
Tell who? Tell Helen? Helen knows about the scepter, dad, you told her --
DAD
Ms. Orient. Did you tell her?
JEFF
That I had crush on her? Of course not. Of course I didn't.
DAD
Then, how do you know?
JEFF
I was a teen. I was lucky that I could make eye contact. (pause) How do I know what?
DAD
That she didn't like you.
JEFF
That's my point. I didn't know. And all I did was speculate. Now, I know.
DAD
That she didn't like you.
JEFF
No, dad, not about Ms. Orient. Now when I have a crush. I know.
DAD
Why would you have a crush, now? You're in the prime of your life. You're the --
(looks to make sure no one is around)
-- you're the great and fearsome Owl. Girls will flock to you, Jeff. No need for crushes.
JEFF
I wish it worked that way.
DAD
Where's Helen? Did you guys go out Saturday?
JEFF
Nope. She cancelled. She went out with some friends.
DAD
When I was your age, I had the world by the balls! I was the Owl! With my trusty side-kick Talon... who happened to be my very own son... and my mighty feathered scepter, a gift from Aphrodite!
JEFF
(over 'Son') Dad! (then over 'Aphrodite') Dad (pause). Dad, it was Athena. Athena gave you the scepter, remember?
DAD
Yes... no. (pause) Are you sure it wasn't Aphrodite?
JEFF
When you were my age you didn't have a sidekick. I had 'struck out on my own'. I was Nightraptor, dad, remember?
DAD
Nightraptor, yes. Your rebellious phase.
JEFF
I was 22, dad. I was past rebellion. I needed to find my own voice.
DAD
I hope Helen has no plans to rebel. I like that girl.
JEFF
I do too, dad. But she's near the same age I was. She's bound to be thinking of it. Going out on her own for a while.
DAD
She's made a fine Talon.
JEFF
She was Rosebud's sidekick for a while. She was well trained. I'm glad she decided to... I'm glad she's my partner now. I'm glad we met.
DAD
You came here for the feathered scepter.
JEFF
I'm too old for crushes. I don't have black in my costume. Nearly twice her age. I know why. I'm older now and I know why she isn't interested. I don't have to guess.
DAD
Ms. Orient doesn't like you? Why wouldn't she like --
JEFF
Dad... Ms Orient... she died, remember? She was killed... by Berlin Wall. Back around '87 or '88.
DAD
I don't remember. I'm sorry, son... I'm so sorry...
JEFF
No, dad, it's okay. It was a long time ago. He's behind bars now.
DAD
She was so young...
JEFF
She had just turned 25, I think. That would have made me 21... or 22.
DAD
Nightraptor!
JEFF
Yeah, dad...
DAD
You never told her? How you felt?
JEFF
Of course not, I was fifteen when I felt that. I was over it by the time she was killed. The crush.
DAD
Who doesn't like you?
JEFF
Lots of people, dad. It's not a specific example. I'm just saying that now... when I have a crush... I know why she doesn't like me. I don't have to guess. It's a byproduct of growing older... the experience... I guess.
DAD
I remember...
JEFF
Dad?
DAD
I remember... growing old.
JEFF
You're still growing older, dad. (light) Older and better.
DAD
I'm done growing older, son. I'm done with it. Do you think I liked watching my body disintegrate? My mind is the same, son. My mind is still the same, still your age, still at its peak! Still battling Misty Mountain, and The Cheetah, and The Infamous Five! The mighty Owl and his feathered scepter! My mind is still young, trapped in this broken down frame. Aphrodite would be ashamed, son.
JEFF
Dad...
DAD
My mind is still young. I remember. Growing old. (pause) Do you know the life expectancy of a professional football player, Jeff? Do you?
JEFF
No.
DAD
Early-fifties. Early sixties at the latest. That game takes an immeasurable toll on their bodies. Post traumatic stress.
JEFF
I didn't know.
DAD
Whistle, play! Whistle, stop! Hut one, play! Whistle stop! Day after day, in practice. Sunday after Sunday. Tiny little square of land. Like fighting in a phone booth with ten second rounds. Do you know how old I am?
JEFF
79.
DAD
Goddamn right, 59. I remember. The Crimson Avatar didn't have a whistle to stop me from whipping his butt. I didn't wrestle around with Seamstress in a 5 by 5 square. I was strong. I was the Owl!
JEFF
79, dad. I know.
DAD
I didn't retire because my knees gave out... or I lost my burst of speed... I retired when I was damn good and ready. When you were damn good and ready to pick up my mantle. My scepter.
JEFF
I don't have your scepter. You never gave it to me.
DAD
You know what I mean. (pause) Do you know the life expectancy of a super hero, Jeff?
JEFF
No.
DAD
28. 28, but that's a misleading stat. It's an average, brought down by the number of us killed in service. No Cleveland Brown lineman ever got killed in the line of duty. When we retire, we retire old... we live the good life! Do you know how old I am? (pause) Do you?
JEFF
79, dad.
DAD
Goddamn straight. I lived, and I retired and I grew old. The way it should be. Not a blip on the radar. Not some 25 year old obituary. And neither are you.
JEFF
I know.
DAD
You came for the scepter, didn't you?
JEFF
Yes, dad. I did.
DAD
Is Helen coming by later?
JEFF
Yeah. Do you remember?
DAD
I guess so. You better tell her.
JEFF
About the scepter?
DAD
She's almost 21, right? She's almost as old as Ms. Orient. As... Nighttalon!
JEFF
Nightraptor.
DAD
(pause) You should tell her.
JEFF
(pause) I will, dad. I promise.
END SCENE ONE
Look for scene Two soon!
News wise, I'm going back to school in September. Seattle Central for Graphic Arts. I've been an Art Director the last few years, but I'm missing all these places in my education 'cause it's all on the job training.
My job moved to Memphis, so I'm using the opportunity to get that little piece of paper employers like so much.
Anyway, in the meantime, here's what happens when your local playgroup hands out a homework assignment involving writing a scene with Super heroes. Then you realize you can't do comedy, because The Tick has mined that vein dry.
So, you write a scene of heartbreak, heavily influenced my David Mamet (without the swearing and only a little betrayal) and you get a piece that, perhaps, is a little too subtle for the group you wrote it for... or it just sucks. You decide.
Here's the first scene.
Superhero Drama
A One Act play by Daniel Kaufman
ACT ONE - A Rest home
SCENE 1 DADs BEDROOM
JEFF (mid/late 30s) stands in the doorway to a room. In the room his DAD lays in bed. HELEN (late teens/early 20s) is in the act of leaving.
HELEN
I'll see you on patrol.
JEFF
Yeah. Patrol.
She exits. Jeff ENTERS the room.
DAD
Jeff?
JEFF
When I was younger... when I was young... when I had a crush on someone... I would sit around and debate why. Why she didn't like you. (pause) When you have a crush on them... when you're old. Older, I guess. You know why.
DAD
It's nice to see you again, boy.
JEFF
When I was your partner. Your sidekick. I had a crush on Ms. Orient. Remember that?
DAD
Sure. I remember her.
JEFF
Yeah, Empress Ronin's partner. Sidekick. She was... at least two years older than me, I think.
DAD
You had a crush on Ms. Orient?
JEFF
Yeah.
DAD
I never knew.
JEFF
Yeah.
DAD
Did you ever tell her? Ms. Orient I mean?
JEFF
No, never did. Almost. When. I almost told her that time we fought Honeycomb and his Bee Men. Afterward.
DAD
I remember that. He was a sweet bastard. Almost killed us all.
JEFF
I spent the next month obsessing over it.
DAD
Honeycomb?
JEFF
No, dad, Ms. Orient. I had a crush on her, remember?
DAD
(pause, thinks) Yes. I guess. No. You have a crush?
JEFF
When I was a kid all I could think about was the reasons why. Maybe I wasn't handsome enough. Maybe she liked stronger men. Boys. Maybe she was already seeing someone.
DAD
Ms. Orient? She was only... she was a girl, then, Jeffy. A child.
JEFF
No, dad, she was a teen then. Like me. She was... like 17 or 18, I bet. I was 15. I could have a crush by then.
DAD
By when?
JEFF
Maybe she was seeing Jack Lantern. He was about her age. All that black on his uniform must have looked pretty cool to her.
DAD
Where's Helen?
JEFF
She'll be by later, dad. She had to run an errand.
DAD
(looks over Jeff's shoulder) Talon!
JEFF
Dad! (pause) Dad. She'll be here later, I promise.
DAD
I like that girl.
JEFF
Helen's a brave hero, dad. She's a better sidekick than I ever was. And she'll make a better Owl when it comes time.
DAD
You're making a fine Owl. Better than I ever was.
JEFF
Don't be stu... Dad, you were a great Owl. The best. Even without the feathered scepter, you could fly circles around me.
DAD
The feathered scepter...
JEFF
You remember, dad? Your magic wand...
DAD
Sure. Yes. The feathered scepter.
JEFF
You always claimed Athena gave it to you --
DAD
Athena gave that to me. To fight crime.
JEFF
(pause) I know, dad.
DAD
Did you tell her?
JEFF
Tell who? Tell Helen? Helen knows about the scepter, dad, you told her --
DAD
Ms. Orient. Did you tell her?
JEFF
That I had crush on her? Of course not. Of course I didn't.
DAD
Then, how do you know?
JEFF
I was a teen. I was lucky that I could make eye contact. (pause) How do I know what?
DAD
That she didn't like you.
JEFF
That's my point. I didn't know. And all I did was speculate. Now, I know.
DAD
That she didn't like you.
JEFF
No, dad, not about Ms. Orient. Now when I have a crush. I know.
DAD
Why would you have a crush, now? You're in the prime of your life. You're the --
(looks to make sure no one is around)
-- you're the great and fearsome Owl. Girls will flock to you, Jeff. No need for crushes.
JEFF
I wish it worked that way.
DAD
Where's Helen? Did you guys go out Saturday?
JEFF
Nope. She cancelled. She went out with some friends.
DAD
When I was your age, I had the world by the balls! I was the Owl! With my trusty side-kick Talon... who happened to be my very own son... and my mighty feathered scepter, a gift from Aphrodite!
JEFF
(over 'Son') Dad! (then over 'Aphrodite') Dad (pause). Dad, it was Athena. Athena gave you the scepter, remember?
DAD
Yes... no. (pause) Are you sure it wasn't Aphrodite?
JEFF
When you were my age you didn't have a sidekick. I had 'struck out on my own'. I was Nightraptor, dad, remember?
DAD
Nightraptor, yes. Your rebellious phase.
JEFF
I was 22, dad. I was past rebellion. I needed to find my own voice.
DAD
I hope Helen has no plans to rebel. I like that girl.
JEFF
I do too, dad. But she's near the same age I was. She's bound to be thinking of it. Going out on her own for a while.
DAD
She's made a fine Talon.
JEFF
She was Rosebud's sidekick for a while. She was well trained. I'm glad she decided to... I'm glad she's my partner now. I'm glad we met.
DAD
You came here for the feathered scepter.
JEFF
I'm too old for crushes. I don't have black in my costume. Nearly twice her age. I know why. I'm older now and I know why she isn't interested. I don't have to guess.
DAD
Ms. Orient doesn't like you? Why wouldn't she like --
JEFF
Dad... Ms Orient... she died, remember? She was killed... by Berlin Wall. Back around '87 or '88.
DAD
I don't remember. I'm sorry, son... I'm so sorry...
JEFF
No, dad, it's okay. It was a long time ago. He's behind bars now.
DAD
She was so young...
JEFF
She had just turned 25, I think. That would have made me 21... or 22.
DAD
Nightraptor!
JEFF
Yeah, dad...
DAD
You never told her? How you felt?
JEFF
Of course not, I was fifteen when I felt that. I was over it by the time she was killed. The crush.
DAD
Who doesn't like you?
JEFF
Lots of people, dad. It's not a specific example. I'm just saying that now... when I have a crush... I know why she doesn't like me. I don't have to guess. It's a byproduct of growing older... the experience... I guess.
DAD
I remember...
JEFF
Dad?
DAD
I remember... growing old.
JEFF
You're still growing older, dad. (light) Older and better.
DAD
I'm done growing older, son. I'm done with it. Do you think I liked watching my body disintegrate? My mind is the same, son. My mind is still the same, still your age, still at its peak! Still battling Misty Mountain, and The Cheetah, and The Infamous Five! The mighty Owl and his feathered scepter! My mind is still young, trapped in this broken down frame. Aphrodite would be ashamed, son.
JEFF
Dad...
DAD
My mind is still young. I remember. Growing old. (pause) Do you know the life expectancy of a professional football player, Jeff? Do you?
JEFF
No.
DAD
Early-fifties. Early sixties at the latest. That game takes an immeasurable toll on their bodies. Post traumatic stress.
JEFF
I didn't know.
DAD
Whistle, play! Whistle, stop! Hut one, play! Whistle stop! Day after day, in practice. Sunday after Sunday. Tiny little square of land. Like fighting in a phone booth with ten second rounds. Do you know how old I am?
JEFF
79.
DAD
Goddamn right, 59. I remember. The Crimson Avatar didn't have a whistle to stop me from whipping his butt. I didn't wrestle around with Seamstress in a 5 by 5 square. I was strong. I was the Owl!
JEFF
79, dad. I know.
DAD
I didn't retire because my knees gave out... or I lost my burst of speed... I retired when I was damn good and ready. When you were damn good and ready to pick up my mantle. My scepter.
JEFF
I don't have your scepter. You never gave it to me.
DAD
You know what I mean. (pause) Do you know the life expectancy of a super hero, Jeff?
JEFF
No.
DAD
28. 28, but that's a misleading stat. It's an average, brought down by the number of us killed in service. No Cleveland Brown lineman ever got killed in the line of duty. When we retire, we retire old... we live the good life! Do you know how old I am? (pause) Do you?
JEFF
79, dad.
DAD
Goddamn straight. I lived, and I retired and I grew old. The way it should be. Not a blip on the radar. Not some 25 year old obituary. And neither are you.
JEFF
I know.
DAD
You came for the scepter, didn't you?
JEFF
Yes, dad. I did.
DAD
Is Helen coming by later?
JEFF
Yeah. Do you remember?
DAD
I guess so. You better tell her.
JEFF
About the scepter?
DAD
She's almost 21, right? She's almost as old as Ms. Orient. As... Nighttalon!
JEFF
Nightraptor.
DAD
(pause) You should tell her.
JEFF
(pause) I will, dad. I promise.
END SCENE ONE
Look for scene Two soon!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I thought it was thundering and lighteninging there.