This is the fourth scene in my second play, "The Two Megans". If you missed the previous parts, scene 3 was two journals back, then 2 and 1 were the next previous scenes. In other words, it's all in order aside from one whiny non-play entry you can skip over.
If you haven't read the other parts and plan to, please do so now. There are spoilers in the following paragraph.
This is the hardest scene to see from just the script. Options for blocking abound, thus I put only the miminal descriptions in the text. When I directed it for the Seattle Fringe, there was a simple table/bar in the center and the characters spent their time moving around it, to reinforce their relationships to each other. They also spent the time pouring drinks from a pitcher of beer. That kind of thing.
If you haven't figured it out by now, the play is going in reverse. I feel okay telling you this because while the really sharp may guess in Scene 2, there are visual clues in Scene 3 that only the most unobservant audience member would miss on actually viewing it (like my friend Mary Kay, bless her heart).
As a bonus, I plan to put little jpegs of the play's program in my Art and Crap folder.
There is only one more scene after this one. But for now, enjoy Scene 4, from The Two Megans.
Scene Four - A restaurant - MEGAN HANSON is at a table for five.
RACHEL ENTERS, shaking her hair out. She smells her hands.
RACHEL
Now my fingers smell like 4th grade.
MEGAN HANSON
Like the inside of your nose, you mean?
RACHEL
No, like cheap liquid soap.
MEGAN HANSON
Is that your way of assuring me you washed them?
RACHEL
They were sticky.
MEGAN HANSON
Gross.
(pause)
Every good joke starts with a guy in a bar.
RACHEL
All of them?
MEGAN HANSON
Monkeys make jokes funnier, but bars... bars are where jokes go to give birth.
RACHEL
To baby jokes?
MEGAN HANSON
You know what I mean. Where jokes are born.
RACHEL
Well, dont start. Bars make me think of drinking and drinking makes me think of peeing again and
MEGAN HANSON
And, of course, peeing leads to you having sex.
RACHEL
Who told you that story?
MEGAN HANSON
You did, Rachel. We were drunk when you told it, though, so I only got the part about you getting laid.
RACHEL
That was that guy in Roxies, right? That 20s theme club?
MEGAN HANSON
He came up and called you Stephanie; because he thought he knew you?
RACHEL
Yeah. Hed seen me there the week before. Forgotten my name.
MEGAN HANSON
And he made some bar joke.
RACHEL
He called me Stephanie about three times and I finally said My name is Rachel and he played it off. He was all Well, youre Stephanie now. Then he said I was probably a Libra; and I said, Nope, Scorpio
MEGAN HANSON
I get the Stephanie the Libra thing. What was the pee part?
RACHEL
I had to pee... so I ditched him for a sec and went off to the bathroom.
MEGAN HANSON
And he made some kind of golden shower joke when you came back...
RACHEL
No.
MEGAN HANSON
I cant stand that.
RACHEL
I did.
MEGAN HANSON
Did what? Rachel. What did you say to him?
RACHEL
Do you remember when Megan peed her pants in... like third grade?
MEGAN HANSON
You cant remember.
RACHEL
You cant remember.
MEGAN HANSON
No, I wasnt there. Either, there. Seriously.
(pause)
Was it a tickling thing?
RACHEL
Was what?
MEGAN HANSON
The pants peeing, you drunk bitch. When kids pee their pants, its usually from tickling.
RACHEL
No, it was a dare. That obnoxious little kid... Billy? David?
MEGAN HANSON
Henry Kelly?
RACHEL
No. Henry Kelly was the kid that puked on Sally Hendersons desk. After he got stung by a bee.
MEGAN HANSON
Scott Cook.
RACHEL
Scott. Scott was teasing Megan... on the swings. He was swinging and she came up and straddled him... trying to squish him, I think.
MEGAN HANSON
Oh, I did hear about that. He started freaking out because he though she was going to pee on him.
RACHEL
Yeah, so she did. Out of spite.
MEGAN HANSON
So gross.
RACHEL
I guess.
MEGAN HANSON
Why did... What did... she do to make Scott think she was going to pee on him in the first place?
RACHEL
Who knows? Kids say stupid things.
MEGAN HANSON
(pause)
I guess? I say so gross and you say I guess?
RACHEL
Sure... I. Guess.
MEGAN HANSON
Peeing on someone is I guess?
RACHEL
Geez, Megan, lighten up.
MEGAN HANSON
Rachel, gross!
RACHEL
(pause)
Seriously, I cant even remember what I said to the guy... but it made him laugh.
MEGAN HANSON
He wasnt grossed out?
RACHEL
Not really. I mean, he didnt want to do it. I dont think.
MEGAN HANSON
But he was okay talking about it.
RACHEL
Talking about it... He joked about it. A buddy of his came up and Im playing along, all Hi, Im Stephanie the Libra. And theres this pause, and he turns to his buddy and says she likes to pee on guys
MEGAN HANSON
Rachel!
RACHEL
Seriously.
MEGAN HANSON
You had sex with this guy?
RACHEL
Not right then. I thought it was funny, though.
MEGAN HANSON
Wasnt his buddy embarrassed?
RACHEL
You said Megan and who are showing up?
MEGAN HANSON
Kyle. The boyfriend. And Kyles friend. Cory, I think.
RACHEL
Cory? Do I know him?
MEGAN HANSON
Nope. You mayve only met Kyle once, I think. Maybe not.
RACHEL
Whos to say?
MEGAN HANSON
Megan will be her usual doting self over him, Im confident.
RACHEL
I had the strangest dream last night.
MEGAN HANSON
Blah, blah, guess what Kyle did last night. Blah, blah, I wanna have Kyles babies.
RACHEL
I was in this house... from when I was a kid, I guess. With the forest across the street. Remember that house, Megan?
MEGAN HANSON
Rach, why do people think their dreams are interesting to other people?
RACHEL
No, no, this was really strange --
MEGAN HANSON
Seriously, why?
RACHEL
Im just trying to share, you bitch.
MEGAN HANSON
Man walks into a bar, steals my best friend.
RACHEL
If Megan Ponce told you she had a strange dream youd be right in her lap. Blah, blah, tell me everything... blah, blah, oh, thats so strange!
MEGAN HANSON
I think his buddy is coming, too. Cory.
RACHEL
So you just said. Kyle and Cory, Megan and Megan. How cute.
MEGAN HANSON
Soon to be Kyle and Megan, and Megan and nobody.
RACHEL
I think the point was to embarrass him. The buddy.
MEGAN HANSON
Cory?
RACHEL
No, no, the buddy at Dixies. That guy fucked the hell out of me, Megan.
MEGAN HANSON
The buddy?
RACHEL
No, the guy.
MEGAN HANSON
Why do I care?
RACHEL
Seriously, this guy was enjoying his night out. His girlfriend probably gave him the night off -
MEGAN HANSON
He had a girlfriend?
RACHEL
It was the fuck of a guy thats been having hamburger for a year and someone took him to a steak house.
MEGAN HANSON
Or in your case, Red Lobster.
RACHEL
Ive heard you like out back.
MEGAN HANSON
Rachel, how am I going to break up Kyle and Megan?
RACHEL
I could sleep with him. Where angels fear to tread.
MEGAN HANSON
Your cunt? How many angels can fit on the head of Kyles dick? Please. Love wins over whore every time.
RACHEL
Cant you just be happy for her? She doesnt have to be a miserable cunt like you.
MEGAN HANSON
Maybe if I pray hard enough hell get struck by lightning.
RACHEL
Come on, Megan, someone will beat through that bitchy exterior and find the real you.
MEGAN HANSON
Maybe I could get God to smite him.
KYLE ENTERS.
MEGAN HANSON
Hey Kyle, baby.
(pause)
Wheres Megan?
KYLE
Bathroom, Megan.
(to Rachel)
Hello.
MEGAN HANSON
You guys met, right? Around Christmas or something?
KYLE
Um, yeah, I guess. Stephanie, right?
Rachel looks bemused. Megan looks at her.
MEGAN HANSON
No way!
RACHEL
Hey... um, Kyle.
MEGAN HANSON
(to Rachel)
Are you serious?
RACHEL
Maybe.
MEGAN HANSON
What do you mean, maybe?
RACHEL
Bar. Drinking. Drunk.
KYLE
Whats going on?
MEGAN HANSON
Her name is Rachel.
KYLE
What? Shit, Im sorry. I thought it was --
MEGAN HANSON
Oh, its okay -
RACHEL
Excuse me, Megan, can I be the judge of whether or not its okay?
MEGAN HANSON
Sure, Stephanie.
(to KYLE, fake whisper)
Shes been drinking.
RACHEL
(pause)
Its okay.
KYLE
Thank God.
RACHEL
Dont want us to go off on a bad foot, guy whos fucking Megans best friend and cant remember her cousins name.
KYLE
We only met the once, right?
RACHEL
Didnt Megan give you the brief? Age, breast size, astrological sign, and preferred method of orgasm?
KYLE
Libra?
RACHEL
Close, Scorpio.
KYLE
Well, youre Stephanie the Libra now.
RACHEL
I guess we were both pretty drunk.
MEGAN HANSON looks up to the heavens.
MEGAN HANSON
(mouthing silently)
Thank you, God!
MEGAN PONCE ENTERS.
MEGAN HANSON
MEGAN!
MEGAN PONCE
MEGAN!
They hug.
MEGAN HANSON
You remember my cousin Stephanie the Libra?
MEGAN PONCE
Hi again, Rachel. Stephanie?
KYLE
Ill explain later.
MEGAN HANSON
Hell explain later.
RACHEL
(to Megan Ponce)
Bathroom?
MEGAN PONCE
(motions Rachel)
This clumsy bitch bumped into me in the bathroom and made me spill Skittles into my purse.
Rachel doesnt take offense.
RACHEL
Ooopsie.
MEGAN PONCE
Yuck. Rachel, are you even a Libra?
RACHEL
Megan, you dont believe in that crap, do you?
MEGAN PONCE
I dont know. I guess not.
RACHEL
Kyle told me you were fairly God fearing. Doesnt that preclude astrology?
MEGAN PONCE
(teasing)
Did he? Did Kyle tell you I was God fearing? Like Kyles fear of commitment, fearing?
KYLE
Hey, now. I told her no such thing.
MEGAN HANSON
Blah, blah, Kyle wont move in with me.
MEGAN PONCE
Not God-fearing. I was raised with some of it. I still believe in God. I just dont fear Him.
MEGAN HANSON
Fearing God seems real old-testament.
RACHEL
Do you believe in things like miracles, then? Or angels?
MEGAN HANSON
Megan, why did you have Skittles in the bathroom?
MEGAN PONCE
They were in my purse, Megan. I took them out to get at my brush. Then I put my brush away and I was about to put the Skittles back when I got bumped.
RACHEL
Sounds like I did you a favor. Skittles are (to Megan Hanson) gross.
MEGAN PONCE
The package was open. It spilled all over my purse.
KYLE
Did you get them all out?
MEGAN PONCE
I think so.
KYLE
Can I have one?
MEGAN HANSON
Gross. You guys are on a gross fest today.
MEGAN PONCE
Because of bathroom Skittles?
KYLE
(to Rachel)
Ever see Planet of the Apes?
RACHEL
No? Why does everyone keep asking me that?
KYLE
They had to put other movies on hold. Because all the make-up artists in Hollywood were working on it.
RACHEL
Was that an opening line? Was that your opening line?
KYLE
Um... oh... no... I just thought of
RACHEL
Are you going to ask me if I like bananas now? If Id like to be your banana split?
KYLE
No. Megan was talking about putting on her make-up. In the bathroom.
RACHEL
(to MEGAN PONCE)
Your friend is trying to fuck me, Megan.
KYLE
I am not!
MEGAN HANSON
(to KYLE)
Ignore her. But dont talk about bad Marky Mark movies anymore.
KYLE
No, the original. With Charlton Heston.
MEGAN PONCE
Kyle.
(motions zip it)
RACHEL
No, let him talk, Megan. Let him try out his Planet of the Apes lines on me.
KYLE
(to MEGAN PONCE)
The Bible talks about astrology, too.
MEGAN PONCE
Yeah, but it tells you its not to be trusted.
RACHEL
(to MEGAN PONCE)
Megan, you dont believe in that crap, either, do you?
MEGAN PONCE
Religion isnt crap, Rachel.
MEGAN HANSON
Shes just trying to get you riled up, Megan. Ignore the drunk bitch.
RACHEL
(to MEGAN HANSON)
Blah, blah, blah, Megan.
KYLE
Astrology was just an early form of Astronomy. People arent afraid of astrology. Or astronomy. But for some reason, they are afraid of religion.
MEGAN PONCE
I told you, Im not God fearing.
KYLE
No, not afraid of God, afraid of religion itself.
RACHEL
(to Kyle)
Why would you hate the remake? Marky Mark was sexy sex.
KYLE
That wasnt my point Stephan Rachel. I was just trying to make a comment about make-up. Because Megan was talking about her make-up.
RACHEL
And you were thinking of Planet of the Apes? Pretty interesting attention span.
MEGAN PONCE
People arent afraid of religion.
KYLE
Sure they are. They say dont convert me. Dont push your beliefs on me. Why?
MEGAN PONCE
Thats a little extreme, dont you think?
KYLE
We push our beliefs on people all the time. I believe the original Planet of the Apes is better than the remake. Rachel believes I want to fuck her. Were willing to engage in conversation about it.
RACHEL
I dont have to engage in conversation to know that Kyle wants to fuck me.
MEGAN HANSON
Amen!
MEGAN PONCE
Rachel, please. Thats not the same thing, Kyle.
RACHEL
(to Kyle)
How do you know Megan was putting on make-up?
KYLE
I just assumed. Doing that girl touch-up thing.
RACHEL
You like to watch, dont you Kyle. Watch girls in the bathroom?
KYLE
(embarrassed)
No.
MEGAN HANSON
No, Megan, I think it is the same thing. If I tell you I believe in the Easter Bunny, Im telling you what I believe in, and, in some ways, asking you to believe the same.
MEGAN PONCE
No, Megan, as usual, you are drunk. What people mean when they say dont convert me, is dont preach at me.
MEGAN HANSON
Im afraid, Megan, it is you that has screwed the pooch this time
KYLE
(light, over the conversation)
I beg your pardon.
RACHEL
(light, over the conversation)
You mean got screwed doggie style.
MEGAN HANSON
Megan, you should have had peanut M&Ms.
MEGAN PONCE
What are you talking about, Megan?
MEGAN HANSON
Peanut M&Ms are tastier, first of all.
RACHEL
(light, over the conversation)
Blah, blah, blah, Ill eat whatever you want, Megan.
MEGAN PONCE
They are not tastier!
KYLE
I have to agree with Megan.
They all look at him. He reluctantly motions Megan Hanson.
MEGAN PONCE
(to KYLE)
What?!
RACHEL
He should have pleaded the fifth.
KYLE
Megan knows I like the chocolate. Not the peanut so much.
MEGAN PONCE
God damn you. Stephanie?
RACHEL
Skittles make my pee green.
MEGAN HANSON
(gives her the and what? motion)
So....
RACHEL
Peanut M&Ms.
MEGAN PONCE
Goddamn you all.
KYLE
(mimics Heston)
God... damn... you all to Hell!
MEGAN PONCE
Well, I loooove Skittles. Theyre sweet, and tart and come in tons of cool colors... and they rattle --
MEGAN HANSON
And peanut M&Ms are crunchy, then soft, then crunchy; and come in cool colors... and are sweet. And they rattle, too.
MEGAN PONCE
Skittles are the superior candy!
MEGAN HANSON
Peanut M&Ms dont get stuck in your purse, you stupid bitch! Peanut M&Ms would roll around where you could find them and not come out with your hairbrush stuck to them.
MEGAN PONCE
And Skittles wont melt in my purse, you stupid bitch. And get nasty shit brown chocolate all over my make-up!
KYLE
(to Rachel)
See!
MEGAN HANSON
So, I can go into a diatribe about the superiority of peanut M&Ms, over Skittles, and you listened, right?
MEGAN PONCE
Megan, its not the same -
MEGAN HANSON
Is that right, Megan?!
MEGAN PONCE
(pause)
Yes.
MEGAN HANSON
And, indeed, I make a very good argument for peanut M&Ms, dont I?
MEGAN PONCE
I guess so.
KYLE
They both come in bright, shiny colors.
RACHEL
They both rattle around.
MEGAN PONCE
But they taste different. Theyre for different tastes.
MEGAN HANSON
No, Megan, theyre both sweet. One just has some tart to it. And a different package. I bet you could get used to it pretty quick.
KYLE
The early Christians didnt just show up and say, worship our God. They said, hey, we have this one God. Hes like all your cool Gods, but theres only Him. And You know that fertility/harvest holiday, you like so much? Coincidently, thats the date of our Saviors birth. Well, not really, but lets go ahead and pretend it is. What say we celebrate both. Yeah, keep the little silver tree, we like that.
(pause)
And low and behold, a couple years later, its just Christmas.
RACHEL
One of the weirdest things I ever saw was this family singing Happy Birthday to Jesus at their Christmas dinner. I mean, the obvious thing to be concerned about is... assuming Jesus was a real guy...
KYLE
Is that He was born around October.
RACHEL
Sure, whatever. But all I kept thinking about was that Happy Birthday is copyrighted. They owed somebody a quarter. Of course, the weirdest thing I ever saw was this guy who tried to tell some Planet of the Apes story to get me hot
MEGAN HANSON
Happy Birthday is copyrighted?
KYLE
Thats why all the restaurants sing some crappy made-up version.
RACHEL
Seriously, your small talk is getting me hot, Kyle.
KYLE gives her the English two finger flip off.
RACHEL (contd)
Oohhh, bilingual.
KYLE
You know where that
(does the English flip off again)
comes from? Originally?
RACHEL
Im getting wet again, tell me.
MEGAN PONCE
Rachel!
MEGAN HANSON
Jesus to his father, when he was on the cross?
MEGAN PONCE
Megan!
MEGAN HANSON
(mocks her)
Megan! God dammit, Megan, how pissed do you think youd be if your dad set you up to die? You think that would suck?
MEGAN PONCE
I know. Its just...
MEGAN HANSON
Blasphemy? Maybe Jesus was just a guy.
MEGAN PONCE
He was the son of God.
MEGAN HANSON
Maybe he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Romans were crucifying all kinds of people then.
MEGAN PONCE
Died for our sins.
MEGAN HANSON
Maybe he wasnt a martyr. Maybe he died because of the life he lead.
MEGAN PONCE
The Bible says otherwise.
MEGAN HANSON
That has as much conviction as your Skittles argument.
KYLE
In Megans defense --
They look at him. He motions Megan Ponce.
KYLE (contd)
-- thats what faith is. Not really having to prove your point. Personal taste, even. Its faith. Not science.
MEGAN HANSON
When I see immaculate conception, Ill believe.
KYLE
Immaculate means free from sin, not a virgin.
MEGAN HANSON
Fine, a virgin birth.
KYLE
The word translated from virgin meant either virgin or young woman. Its glossed over that Mary was an unwed teenager. Mark, John, and Paul dont even mention it.
MEGAN HANSON
Fine. Unexplained. Whatever, youve managed to fuck up my whole quip.
KYLE
(to Rachel)
The Hundred Years war. The French threatened to cut off the shooting fingers of any English archer they captured. So when the English started kicking ass, they would show the fingers to the French.
(motions)
Defiance.
MEGAN PONCE
What does that have to do with anything?
KYLE
Because we should know where things come from. And then there is really no difference between arguing about candy and God.
RACHEL
Megan... (motions Ponce)... youre saying theres more at stake. With religion.
MEGAN PONCE
I dont find that a hard stretch.
(to MEGAN HANSON)
Do you?
There is a pause.
RACHEL
My daddy... used to wonder why events... things... stuff out in the open. Was less believable than rumors. Than mythology.
MEGAN PONCE
Why dreams are easier to believe than the news.
RACHEL
See, Megan, Megan understands why people talk about their dreams!
MEGAN HANSON
(ignores her)
When parents... my parents, anyway... would sit me down for that talk about sex. Or chat about the dangers of drugs...
RACHEL
(to Kyle, quiet, over Megan)
Theyre going to do their talking thing. Maybe we should sneak off again.
MEGAN PONCE
Make sure you do it for love. Dont let the boy trick you or get you drunk.
KYLE
(to Rachel, quiet, over Megan)
What do you mean?
MEGAN HANSON
I dont want you to drink, but if you do, call me and Ill come get you.
RACHEL
(to Kyle, quiet, over Megan)
They get into a groove. Blah, blah speak with one voice. Blah, blah, were so cool.
MEGAN PONCE
Someday your prince will come. And youll fall in love. And live happily ever after.
MEGAN HANSON
Believing your prince will come was a lot easier than believing drugs were evil.
MEGAN PONCE
Or sex was bad.
KYLE
(to Rachel, quiet, over Megan)
No, what do you mean, sneak off again?
MEGAN HANSON
Do I think theres more at stake with God than Skittles, Megan?
MEGAN PONCE
I dont think people with faith mind arguing about faith, Megan. Or candy.
MEGAN HANSON
So, people without faith get upset about talking about it?
RACHEL
Like we did at Dixies.
MEGAN PONCE
No, people that truly believe in nothing dont mind either.
Kyle remembers.
KYLE
(to Rachel, quiet, over Megan)
You cant say anything, please.
MEGAN HANSON
If you dont believe in God, thats your religion. If you truly think youre right.
MEGAN PONCE
If youre unsure... if youre wondering if you made the wrong decision... thats when youre worried about being converted.
RACHEL
I can say. Whatever I want. But Im not going to. Im going to assume youre a good guy. That youll do the right thing.
MEGAN HANSON
The people that are unsure... are scared theyre on the wrong side of the fence. They dont want to have an argument about religion. Because you might convince them.
MEGAN PONCE
Scared of being wrong. Fearing God.
RACHEL
(ends the duel conversation)
Megan might, though.
RACHEL (cont'd)
(to the group)
My father. He said belief runs downhill. Belief is hard to start, but gains momentum. Grows larger and more people are caught up in it. Harder to stop. And God help us if we were mistaken. At the top.
(pause)
Today I believe in God.
MEGAN HANSON
Tomorrow the devil.
MEGAN PONCE
Tuesday is miracles.
KYLE
Sin and forgiveness.
RACHEL
Angels and astrology.
MEGAN HANSON
Immaculate conception.
MEGAN PONCE
Virgin Birth.
MEGAN HANSON
My father stopped believing because every belief wasnt a relief. It was another decision. And he hated making decisions.
MEGAN PONCE
Chocolate or Skittles.
MEGAN HANSON
Faith or abstinence.
RACHEL
Blah or blah.
(pause)
If Megan is right ... (motions Ponce). If there is a God. Then there is a Heaven. And Heaven means Hell. Downhill, right? Hell means there is Sin. So if Megans right. Then I have sinned. And Im going to Hell. Were all going to Hell. Because God will send us there.
(pause)
If Megan is right ... (motions Hanson). If the world is full of M&Ms. Then the world is also full of Skittles. If Megans right, I have eaten both. And we should spend the same amount of energy on religion as we do on candy.
KYLE
(almost to himself)
Thats the saddest analogy Ive ever heard.
Rachel flips him off, British style.
RACHEL
It is whats at stake.
MEGAN PONCE
What do you mean?
RACHEL
Conversation about candy is about likes and dislikes. But none of us make candy. For a living. If one of us was Mr. M&M... Madam Skittle... how would the argument go then?
MEGAN PONCE
Religion is personal. Is that what youre saying?
RACHEL
Im saying sometimes things get personal. By things I mean conversations. About subjects or events that are important to us.
MEGAN HANSON
What Rachel is saying is if I told you a joke... say about a man in a bar. It could be funny. It could be stupid. And you could try and convince me its funny. Or stupid. But I wouldnt care. Because I didnt write the joke.
KYLE
You meaning...
RACHEL
Go on, Megan. Tell us a joke. For example.
KYLE
We dont need a joke --
MEGAN HANSON
Man walks into a bar. Drunk. Staggers up to the bartender and orders a White Russian. Takes a sip. Looks around and sees this girl. Kinda cute. Definitely available. He musters his courage, steps up, and says
RACHEL
Never mind, Megan. Youre not funny. Seriously.
MEGAN HANSON
Maybe youre right, Steph.
CORY ENTERS
CORY
I just had the strangest thing happen. There was a girl in the bathroom.
MEGAN HANSON
Hey, Cory.
CORY
Hey, Megan.
MEGAN HANSON
This is my cousin.
CORY
Oh my god!
Everyone is looking at Cory as Rachel motions shhh with finger on lips. Then she steps up and puts her hand out to shake.
RACHEL
Hi, Im Stephanie the Libra.
(pause)
I like to pee on guys.
MEGAN PONCE
Rachel!
CORY
I was in the bathroom --
RACHEL
Shush!
CORY
Thats the girl from -
KYLE
Shush!
MEGAN HANSON
Megan was in the bathroom. Was it her?
CORY
(to KYLE)
Kyle
RACHEL
I think Cory wants to talk about God with us. But hes afraid no one will see what he sees.
MEGAN HANSON
His point of view, you mean?
KYLE
(pointedly)
Shake her hand, Cory.
RACHEL
Sure. His point of view.
Cory and Rachel shake hands, Cory a little reluctant. Cory sits.
MEGAN PONCE
Glad we got that settled.
(to Megan Hanson)
Oh, come on, whats the punchline?
MEGAN HANSON
For what?
MEGAN PONCE
Your joke.
MEGAN HANSON
Later. Ill save it for later.
END SCENE FOUR
If you haven't read the other parts and plan to, please do so now. There are spoilers in the following paragraph.
This is the hardest scene to see from just the script. Options for blocking abound, thus I put only the miminal descriptions in the text. When I directed it for the Seattle Fringe, there was a simple table/bar in the center and the characters spent their time moving around it, to reinforce their relationships to each other. They also spent the time pouring drinks from a pitcher of beer. That kind of thing.
If you haven't figured it out by now, the play is going in reverse. I feel okay telling you this because while the really sharp may guess in Scene 2, there are visual clues in Scene 3 that only the most unobservant audience member would miss on actually viewing it (like my friend Mary Kay, bless her heart).
As a bonus, I plan to put little jpegs of the play's program in my Art and Crap folder.
There is only one more scene after this one. But for now, enjoy Scene 4, from The Two Megans.
Scene Four - A restaurant - MEGAN HANSON is at a table for five.
RACHEL ENTERS, shaking her hair out. She smells her hands.
RACHEL
Now my fingers smell like 4th grade.
MEGAN HANSON
Like the inside of your nose, you mean?
RACHEL
No, like cheap liquid soap.
MEGAN HANSON
Is that your way of assuring me you washed them?
RACHEL
They were sticky.
MEGAN HANSON
Gross.
(pause)
Every good joke starts with a guy in a bar.
RACHEL
All of them?
MEGAN HANSON
Monkeys make jokes funnier, but bars... bars are where jokes go to give birth.
RACHEL
To baby jokes?
MEGAN HANSON
You know what I mean. Where jokes are born.
RACHEL
Well, dont start. Bars make me think of drinking and drinking makes me think of peeing again and
MEGAN HANSON
And, of course, peeing leads to you having sex.
RACHEL
Who told you that story?
MEGAN HANSON
You did, Rachel. We were drunk when you told it, though, so I only got the part about you getting laid.
RACHEL
That was that guy in Roxies, right? That 20s theme club?
MEGAN HANSON
He came up and called you Stephanie; because he thought he knew you?
RACHEL
Yeah. Hed seen me there the week before. Forgotten my name.
MEGAN HANSON
And he made some bar joke.
RACHEL
He called me Stephanie about three times and I finally said My name is Rachel and he played it off. He was all Well, youre Stephanie now. Then he said I was probably a Libra; and I said, Nope, Scorpio
MEGAN HANSON
I get the Stephanie the Libra thing. What was the pee part?
RACHEL
I had to pee... so I ditched him for a sec and went off to the bathroom.
MEGAN HANSON
And he made some kind of golden shower joke when you came back...
RACHEL
No.
MEGAN HANSON
I cant stand that.
RACHEL
I did.
MEGAN HANSON
Did what? Rachel. What did you say to him?
RACHEL
Do you remember when Megan peed her pants in... like third grade?
MEGAN HANSON
You cant remember.
RACHEL
You cant remember.
MEGAN HANSON
No, I wasnt there. Either, there. Seriously.
(pause)
Was it a tickling thing?
RACHEL
Was what?
MEGAN HANSON
The pants peeing, you drunk bitch. When kids pee their pants, its usually from tickling.
RACHEL
No, it was a dare. That obnoxious little kid... Billy? David?
MEGAN HANSON
Henry Kelly?
RACHEL
No. Henry Kelly was the kid that puked on Sally Hendersons desk. After he got stung by a bee.
MEGAN HANSON
Scott Cook.
RACHEL
Scott. Scott was teasing Megan... on the swings. He was swinging and she came up and straddled him... trying to squish him, I think.
MEGAN HANSON
Oh, I did hear about that. He started freaking out because he though she was going to pee on him.
RACHEL
Yeah, so she did. Out of spite.
MEGAN HANSON
So gross.
RACHEL
I guess.
MEGAN HANSON
Why did... What did... she do to make Scott think she was going to pee on him in the first place?
RACHEL
Who knows? Kids say stupid things.
MEGAN HANSON
(pause)
I guess? I say so gross and you say I guess?
RACHEL
Sure... I. Guess.
MEGAN HANSON
Peeing on someone is I guess?
RACHEL
Geez, Megan, lighten up.
MEGAN HANSON
Rachel, gross!
RACHEL
(pause)
Seriously, I cant even remember what I said to the guy... but it made him laugh.
MEGAN HANSON
He wasnt grossed out?
RACHEL
Not really. I mean, he didnt want to do it. I dont think.
MEGAN HANSON
But he was okay talking about it.
RACHEL
Talking about it... He joked about it. A buddy of his came up and Im playing along, all Hi, Im Stephanie the Libra. And theres this pause, and he turns to his buddy and says she likes to pee on guys
MEGAN HANSON
Rachel!
RACHEL
Seriously.
MEGAN HANSON
You had sex with this guy?
RACHEL
Not right then. I thought it was funny, though.
MEGAN HANSON
Wasnt his buddy embarrassed?
RACHEL
You said Megan and who are showing up?
MEGAN HANSON
Kyle. The boyfriend. And Kyles friend. Cory, I think.
RACHEL
Cory? Do I know him?
MEGAN HANSON
Nope. You mayve only met Kyle once, I think. Maybe not.
RACHEL
Whos to say?
MEGAN HANSON
Megan will be her usual doting self over him, Im confident.
RACHEL
I had the strangest dream last night.
MEGAN HANSON
Blah, blah, guess what Kyle did last night. Blah, blah, I wanna have Kyles babies.
RACHEL
I was in this house... from when I was a kid, I guess. With the forest across the street. Remember that house, Megan?
MEGAN HANSON
Rach, why do people think their dreams are interesting to other people?
RACHEL
No, no, this was really strange --
MEGAN HANSON
Seriously, why?
RACHEL
Im just trying to share, you bitch.
MEGAN HANSON
Man walks into a bar, steals my best friend.
RACHEL
If Megan Ponce told you she had a strange dream youd be right in her lap. Blah, blah, tell me everything... blah, blah, oh, thats so strange!
MEGAN HANSON
I think his buddy is coming, too. Cory.
RACHEL
So you just said. Kyle and Cory, Megan and Megan. How cute.
MEGAN HANSON
Soon to be Kyle and Megan, and Megan and nobody.
RACHEL
I think the point was to embarrass him. The buddy.
MEGAN HANSON
Cory?
RACHEL
No, no, the buddy at Dixies. That guy fucked the hell out of me, Megan.
MEGAN HANSON
The buddy?
RACHEL
No, the guy.
MEGAN HANSON
Why do I care?
RACHEL
Seriously, this guy was enjoying his night out. His girlfriend probably gave him the night off -
MEGAN HANSON
He had a girlfriend?
RACHEL
It was the fuck of a guy thats been having hamburger for a year and someone took him to a steak house.
MEGAN HANSON
Or in your case, Red Lobster.
RACHEL
Ive heard you like out back.
MEGAN HANSON
Rachel, how am I going to break up Kyle and Megan?
RACHEL
I could sleep with him. Where angels fear to tread.
MEGAN HANSON
Your cunt? How many angels can fit on the head of Kyles dick? Please. Love wins over whore every time.
RACHEL
Cant you just be happy for her? She doesnt have to be a miserable cunt like you.
MEGAN HANSON
Maybe if I pray hard enough hell get struck by lightning.
RACHEL
Come on, Megan, someone will beat through that bitchy exterior and find the real you.
MEGAN HANSON
Maybe I could get God to smite him.
KYLE ENTERS.
MEGAN HANSON
Hey Kyle, baby.
(pause)
Wheres Megan?
KYLE
Bathroom, Megan.
(to Rachel)
Hello.
MEGAN HANSON
You guys met, right? Around Christmas or something?
KYLE
Um, yeah, I guess. Stephanie, right?
Rachel looks bemused. Megan looks at her.
MEGAN HANSON
No way!
RACHEL
Hey... um, Kyle.
MEGAN HANSON
(to Rachel)
Are you serious?
RACHEL
Maybe.
MEGAN HANSON
What do you mean, maybe?
RACHEL
Bar. Drinking. Drunk.
KYLE
Whats going on?
MEGAN HANSON
Her name is Rachel.
KYLE
What? Shit, Im sorry. I thought it was --
MEGAN HANSON
Oh, its okay -
RACHEL
Excuse me, Megan, can I be the judge of whether or not its okay?
MEGAN HANSON
Sure, Stephanie.
(to KYLE, fake whisper)
Shes been drinking.
RACHEL
(pause)
Its okay.
KYLE
Thank God.
RACHEL
Dont want us to go off on a bad foot, guy whos fucking Megans best friend and cant remember her cousins name.
KYLE
We only met the once, right?
RACHEL
Didnt Megan give you the brief? Age, breast size, astrological sign, and preferred method of orgasm?
KYLE
Libra?
RACHEL
Close, Scorpio.
KYLE
Well, youre Stephanie the Libra now.
RACHEL
I guess we were both pretty drunk.
MEGAN HANSON looks up to the heavens.
MEGAN HANSON
(mouthing silently)
Thank you, God!
MEGAN PONCE ENTERS.
MEGAN HANSON
MEGAN!
MEGAN PONCE
MEGAN!
They hug.
MEGAN HANSON
You remember my cousin Stephanie the Libra?
MEGAN PONCE
Hi again, Rachel. Stephanie?
KYLE
Ill explain later.
MEGAN HANSON
Hell explain later.
RACHEL
(to Megan Ponce)
Bathroom?
MEGAN PONCE
(motions Rachel)
This clumsy bitch bumped into me in the bathroom and made me spill Skittles into my purse.
Rachel doesnt take offense.
RACHEL
Ooopsie.
MEGAN PONCE
Yuck. Rachel, are you even a Libra?
RACHEL
Megan, you dont believe in that crap, do you?
MEGAN PONCE
I dont know. I guess not.
RACHEL
Kyle told me you were fairly God fearing. Doesnt that preclude astrology?
MEGAN PONCE
(teasing)
Did he? Did Kyle tell you I was God fearing? Like Kyles fear of commitment, fearing?
KYLE
Hey, now. I told her no such thing.
MEGAN HANSON
Blah, blah, Kyle wont move in with me.
MEGAN PONCE
Not God-fearing. I was raised with some of it. I still believe in God. I just dont fear Him.
MEGAN HANSON
Fearing God seems real old-testament.
RACHEL
Do you believe in things like miracles, then? Or angels?
MEGAN HANSON
Megan, why did you have Skittles in the bathroom?
MEGAN PONCE
They were in my purse, Megan. I took them out to get at my brush. Then I put my brush away and I was about to put the Skittles back when I got bumped.
RACHEL
Sounds like I did you a favor. Skittles are (to Megan Hanson) gross.
MEGAN PONCE
The package was open. It spilled all over my purse.
KYLE
Did you get them all out?
MEGAN PONCE
I think so.
KYLE
Can I have one?
MEGAN HANSON
Gross. You guys are on a gross fest today.
MEGAN PONCE
Because of bathroom Skittles?
KYLE
(to Rachel)
Ever see Planet of the Apes?
RACHEL
No? Why does everyone keep asking me that?
KYLE
They had to put other movies on hold. Because all the make-up artists in Hollywood were working on it.
RACHEL
Was that an opening line? Was that your opening line?
KYLE
Um... oh... no... I just thought of
RACHEL
Are you going to ask me if I like bananas now? If Id like to be your banana split?
KYLE
No. Megan was talking about putting on her make-up. In the bathroom.
RACHEL
(to MEGAN PONCE)
Your friend is trying to fuck me, Megan.
KYLE
I am not!
MEGAN HANSON
(to KYLE)
Ignore her. But dont talk about bad Marky Mark movies anymore.
KYLE
No, the original. With Charlton Heston.
MEGAN PONCE
Kyle.
(motions zip it)
RACHEL
No, let him talk, Megan. Let him try out his Planet of the Apes lines on me.
KYLE
(to MEGAN PONCE)
The Bible talks about astrology, too.
MEGAN PONCE
Yeah, but it tells you its not to be trusted.
RACHEL
(to MEGAN PONCE)
Megan, you dont believe in that crap, either, do you?
MEGAN PONCE
Religion isnt crap, Rachel.
MEGAN HANSON
Shes just trying to get you riled up, Megan. Ignore the drunk bitch.
RACHEL
(to MEGAN HANSON)
Blah, blah, blah, Megan.
KYLE
Astrology was just an early form of Astronomy. People arent afraid of astrology. Or astronomy. But for some reason, they are afraid of religion.
MEGAN PONCE
I told you, Im not God fearing.
KYLE
No, not afraid of God, afraid of religion itself.
RACHEL
(to Kyle)
Why would you hate the remake? Marky Mark was sexy sex.
KYLE
That wasnt my point Stephan Rachel. I was just trying to make a comment about make-up. Because Megan was talking about her make-up.
RACHEL
And you were thinking of Planet of the Apes? Pretty interesting attention span.
MEGAN PONCE
People arent afraid of religion.
KYLE
Sure they are. They say dont convert me. Dont push your beliefs on me. Why?
MEGAN PONCE
Thats a little extreme, dont you think?
KYLE
We push our beliefs on people all the time. I believe the original Planet of the Apes is better than the remake. Rachel believes I want to fuck her. Were willing to engage in conversation about it.
RACHEL
I dont have to engage in conversation to know that Kyle wants to fuck me.
MEGAN HANSON
Amen!
MEGAN PONCE
Rachel, please. Thats not the same thing, Kyle.
RACHEL
(to Kyle)
How do you know Megan was putting on make-up?
KYLE
I just assumed. Doing that girl touch-up thing.
RACHEL
You like to watch, dont you Kyle. Watch girls in the bathroom?
KYLE
(embarrassed)
No.
MEGAN HANSON
No, Megan, I think it is the same thing. If I tell you I believe in the Easter Bunny, Im telling you what I believe in, and, in some ways, asking you to believe the same.
MEGAN PONCE
No, Megan, as usual, you are drunk. What people mean when they say dont convert me, is dont preach at me.
MEGAN HANSON
Im afraid, Megan, it is you that has screwed the pooch this time
KYLE
(light, over the conversation)
I beg your pardon.
RACHEL
(light, over the conversation)
You mean got screwed doggie style.
MEGAN HANSON
Megan, you should have had peanut M&Ms.
MEGAN PONCE
What are you talking about, Megan?
MEGAN HANSON
Peanut M&Ms are tastier, first of all.
RACHEL
(light, over the conversation)
Blah, blah, blah, Ill eat whatever you want, Megan.
MEGAN PONCE
They are not tastier!
KYLE
I have to agree with Megan.
They all look at him. He reluctantly motions Megan Hanson.
MEGAN PONCE
(to KYLE)
What?!
RACHEL
He should have pleaded the fifth.
KYLE
Megan knows I like the chocolate. Not the peanut so much.
MEGAN PONCE
God damn you. Stephanie?
RACHEL
Skittles make my pee green.
MEGAN HANSON
(gives her the and what? motion)
So....
RACHEL
Peanut M&Ms.
MEGAN PONCE
Goddamn you all.
KYLE
(mimics Heston)
God... damn... you all to Hell!
MEGAN PONCE
Well, I loooove Skittles. Theyre sweet, and tart and come in tons of cool colors... and they rattle --
MEGAN HANSON
And peanut M&Ms are crunchy, then soft, then crunchy; and come in cool colors... and are sweet. And they rattle, too.
MEGAN PONCE
Skittles are the superior candy!
MEGAN HANSON
Peanut M&Ms dont get stuck in your purse, you stupid bitch! Peanut M&Ms would roll around where you could find them and not come out with your hairbrush stuck to them.
MEGAN PONCE
And Skittles wont melt in my purse, you stupid bitch. And get nasty shit brown chocolate all over my make-up!
KYLE
(to Rachel)
See!
MEGAN HANSON
So, I can go into a diatribe about the superiority of peanut M&Ms, over Skittles, and you listened, right?
MEGAN PONCE
Megan, its not the same -
MEGAN HANSON
Is that right, Megan?!
MEGAN PONCE
(pause)
Yes.
MEGAN HANSON
And, indeed, I make a very good argument for peanut M&Ms, dont I?
MEGAN PONCE
I guess so.
KYLE
They both come in bright, shiny colors.
RACHEL
They both rattle around.
MEGAN PONCE
But they taste different. Theyre for different tastes.
MEGAN HANSON
No, Megan, theyre both sweet. One just has some tart to it. And a different package. I bet you could get used to it pretty quick.
KYLE
The early Christians didnt just show up and say, worship our God. They said, hey, we have this one God. Hes like all your cool Gods, but theres only Him. And You know that fertility/harvest holiday, you like so much? Coincidently, thats the date of our Saviors birth. Well, not really, but lets go ahead and pretend it is. What say we celebrate both. Yeah, keep the little silver tree, we like that.
(pause)
And low and behold, a couple years later, its just Christmas.
RACHEL
One of the weirdest things I ever saw was this family singing Happy Birthday to Jesus at their Christmas dinner. I mean, the obvious thing to be concerned about is... assuming Jesus was a real guy...
KYLE
Is that He was born around October.
RACHEL
Sure, whatever. But all I kept thinking about was that Happy Birthday is copyrighted. They owed somebody a quarter. Of course, the weirdest thing I ever saw was this guy who tried to tell some Planet of the Apes story to get me hot
MEGAN HANSON
Happy Birthday is copyrighted?
KYLE
Thats why all the restaurants sing some crappy made-up version.
RACHEL
Seriously, your small talk is getting me hot, Kyle.
KYLE gives her the English two finger flip off.
RACHEL (contd)
Oohhh, bilingual.
KYLE
You know where that
(does the English flip off again)
comes from? Originally?
RACHEL
Im getting wet again, tell me.
MEGAN PONCE
Rachel!
MEGAN HANSON
Jesus to his father, when he was on the cross?
MEGAN PONCE
Megan!
MEGAN HANSON
(mocks her)
Megan! God dammit, Megan, how pissed do you think youd be if your dad set you up to die? You think that would suck?
MEGAN PONCE
I know. Its just...
MEGAN HANSON
Blasphemy? Maybe Jesus was just a guy.
MEGAN PONCE
He was the son of God.
MEGAN HANSON
Maybe he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Romans were crucifying all kinds of people then.
MEGAN PONCE
Died for our sins.
MEGAN HANSON
Maybe he wasnt a martyr. Maybe he died because of the life he lead.
MEGAN PONCE
The Bible says otherwise.
MEGAN HANSON
That has as much conviction as your Skittles argument.
KYLE
In Megans defense --
They look at him. He motions Megan Ponce.
KYLE (contd)
-- thats what faith is. Not really having to prove your point. Personal taste, even. Its faith. Not science.
MEGAN HANSON
When I see immaculate conception, Ill believe.
KYLE
Immaculate means free from sin, not a virgin.
MEGAN HANSON
Fine, a virgin birth.
KYLE
The word translated from virgin meant either virgin or young woman. Its glossed over that Mary was an unwed teenager. Mark, John, and Paul dont even mention it.
MEGAN HANSON
Fine. Unexplained. Whatever, youve managed to fuck up my whole quip.
KYLE
(to Rachel)
The Hundred Years war. The French threatened to cut off the shooting fingers of any English archer they captured. So when the English started kicking ass, they would show the fingers to the French.
(motions)
Defiance.
MEGAN PONCE
What does that have to do with anything?
KYLE
Because we should know where things come from. And then there is really no difference between arguing about candy and God.
RACHEL
Megan... (motions Ponce)... youre saying theres more at stake. With religion.
MEGAN PONCE
I dont find that a hard stretch.
(to MEGAN HANSON)
Do you?
There is a pause.
RACHEL
My daddy... used to wonder why events... things... stuff out in the open. Was less believable than rumors. Than mythology.
MEGAN PONCE
Why dreams are easier to believe than the news.
RACHEL
See, Megan, Megan understands why people talk about their dreams!
MEGAN HANSON
(ignores her)
When parents... my parents, anyway... would sit me down for that talk about sex. Or chat about the dangers of drugs...
RACHEL
(to Kyle, quiet, over Megan)
Theyre going to do their talking thing. Maybe we should sneak off again.
MEGAN PONCE
Make sure you do it for love. Dont let the boy trick you or get you drunk.
KYLE
(to Rachel, quiet, over Megan)
What do you mean?
MEGAN HANSON
I dont want you to drink, but if you do, call me and Ill come get you.
RACHEL
(to Kyle, quiet, over Megan)
They get into a groove. Blah, blah speak with one voice. Blah, blah, were so cool.
MEGAN PONCE
Someday your prince will come. And youll fall in love. And live happily ever after.
MEGAN HANSON
Believing your prince will come was a lot easier than believing drugs were evil.
MEGAN PONCE
Or sex was bad.
KYLE
(to Rachel, quiet, over Megan)
No, what do you mean, sneak off again?
MEGAN HANSON
Do I think theres more at stake with God than Skittles, Megan?
MEGAN PONCE
I dont think people with faith mind arguing about faith, Megan. Or candy.
MEGAN HANSON
So, people without faith get upset about talking about it?
RACHEL
Like we did at Dixies.
MEGAN PONCE
No, people that truly believe in nothing dont mind either.
Kyle remembers.
KYLE
(to Rachel, quiet, over Megan)
You cant say anything, please.
MEGAN HANSON
If you dont believe in God, thats your religion. If you truly think youre right.
MEGAN PONCE
If youre unsure... if youre wondering if you made the wrong decision... thats when youre worried about being converted.
RACHEL
I can say. Whatever I want. But Im not going to. Im going to assume youre a good guy. That youll do the right thing.
MEGAN HANSON
The people that are unsure... are scared theyre on the wrong side of the fence. They dont want to have an argument about religion. Because you might convince them.
MEGAN PONCE
Scared of being wrong. Fearing God.
RACHEL
(ends the duel conversation)
Megan might, though.
RACHEL (cont'd)
(to the group)
My father. He said belief runs downhill. Belief is hard to start, but gains momentum. Grows larger and more people are caught up in it. Harder to stop. And God help us if we were mistaken. At the top.
(pause)
Today I believe in God.
MEGAN HANSON
Tomorrow the devil.
MEGAN PONCE
Tuesday is miracles.
KYLE
Sin and forgiveness.
RACHEL
Angels and astrology.
MEGAN HANSON
Immaculate conception.
MEGAN PONCE
Virgin Birth.
MEGAN HANSON
My father stopped believing because every belief wasnt a relief. It was another decision. And he hated making decisions.
MEGAN PONCE
Chocolate or Skittles.
MEGAN HANSON
Faith or abstinence.
RACHEL
Blah or blah.
(pause)
If Megan is right ... (motions Ponce). If there is a God. Then there is a Heaven. And Heaven means Hell. Downhill, right? Hell means there is Sin. So if Megans right. Then I have sinned. And Im going to Hell. Were all going to Hell. Because God will send us there.
(pause)
If Megan is right ... (motions Hanson). If the world is full of M&Ms. Then the world is also full of Skittles. If Megans right, I have eaten both. And we should spend the same amount of energy on religion as we do on candy.
KYLE
(almost to himself)
Thats the saddest analogy Ive ever heard.
Rachel flips him off, British style.
RACHEL
It is whats at stake.
MEGAN PONCE
What do you mean?
RACHEL
Conversation about candy is about likes and dislikes. But none of us make candy. For a living. If one of us was Mr. M&M... Madam Skittle... how would the argument go then?
MEGAN PONCE
Religion is personal. Is that what youre saying?
RACHEL
Im saying sometimes things get personal. By things I mean conversations. About subjects or events that are important to us.
MEGAN HANSON
What Rachel is saying is if I told you a joke... say about a man in a bar. It could be funny. It could be stupid. And you could try and convince me its funny. Or stupid. But I wouldnt care. Because I didnt write the joke.
KYLE
You meaning...
RACHEL
Go on, Megan. Tell us a joke. For example.
KYLE
We dont need a joke --
MEGAN HANSON
Man walks into a bar. Drunk. Staggers up to the bartender and orders a White Russian. Takes a sip. Looks around and sees this girl. Kinda cute. Definitely available. He musters his courage, steps up, and says
RACHEL
Never mind, Megan. Youre not funny. Seriously.
MEGAN HANSON
Maybe youre right, Steph.
CORY ENTERS
CORY
I just had the strangest thing happen. There was a girl in the bathroom.
MEGAN HANSON
Hey, Cory.
CORY
Hey, Megan.
MEGAN HANSON
This is my cousin.
CORY
Oh my god!
Everyone is looking at Cory as Rachel motions shhh with finger on lips. Then she steps up and puts her hand out to shake.
RACHEL
Hi, Im Stephanie the Libra.
(pause)
I like to pee on guys.
MEGAN PONCE
Rachel!
CORY
I was in the bathroom --
RACHEL
Shush!
CORY
Thats the girl from -
KYLE
Shush!
MEGAN HANSON
Megan was in the bathroom. Was it her?
CORY
(to KYLE)
Kyle
RACHEL
I think Cory wants to talk about God with us. But hes afraid no one will see what he sees.
MEGAN HANSON
His point of view, you mean?
KYLE
(pointedly)
Shake her hand, Cory.
RACHEL
Sure. His point of view.
Cory and Rachel shake hands, Cory a little reluctant. Cory sits.
MEGAN PONCE
Glad we got that settled.
(to Megan Hanson)
Oh, come on, whats the punchline?
MEGAN HANSON
For what?
MEGAN PONCE
Your joke.
MEGAN HANSON
Later. Ill save it for later.
END SCENE FOUR
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
unravled:
Oh, they're neat people, you'll have fun. Plus I'll be up there for a limited time in July and if you meet them then we can all do dinner or drinks or something.
phoebus:
Thanks for the tip-off to the Film Club. 