moya

I'm learning how to do Egyptian Bellydancing. Today, I bought a black coin scarf. It looks exactly like this, except..it's black, with silver coins.
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I think if it goes well, I'll move onto the Turkish style. Or switch those two around. We shall see.

I pre-ordered the Season 1 DVD set of this show.

It comes out today, so they should have now shipped it.

I transfered $200 into my account last week. More money to spend. I need to figure out how to get back to Grafton to my bank to get an international money order so I can buy those cd's from out-of-country before they already sell out the low supply of the cd's I want that they have remaining. *sigh* They probably already have, with my luck. Grafton should come to me. Quickly.

Half a week after I wrote that last entry, we had a death in the family, wednesday morning. This past saturday was the funeral. I went home friday evening. Saturday morning, my mom walked in on a sobbing me and didn't entirely buy that I was sad for the funeral. I'm not doubting it's been discussed between my parents, to ask me to go back to a $200-an-hour friend. I'm waking up in tears again, it's been a long time since that's happened. I cry too much these days.
I think the worst has happened, and now I must crawl out of this dark pit again.
I realized the other night that during a 'severe emotional outburst', I really don't feel it's my business to call anyone I know for help. It makes me feel like I'm friendless, and I'm not because I do have a few friends; very small number, but it's not 0. I don't want to be wasting their time while I'm in tears. But during those miserable times when it hits me that there's no one I feel comfortable enough to call, well, it makes the situation a lot worse and the world more lonely.
But when I think about it now, I'm not bothered as bad, because I think deep down, there's a really sick-as-fuck, twisted side of me that likes the suffering and loneliness I inflict on myself.
Maybe deep down, I know I'll be better off alone, with only my shadow at my side and a ghost in my bed.

Every night when I lay my head down to sleep, I stare over the tree tops and into the dark night sky, and close my eyes with the stars dancing on my eyelids. It dulls the ache, yet makes it worse, but a feeling I'm so familiar with it's a comfort to know is still there.
To know I'm not that coldhearted yet? Perhaps.
I am still very lonely. Like it's been for years.

Nonetheless, I'm trying to get out more and learn and see new things. Meet people..because I haven't yet. Perhaps, unknowingly, I give someone the subconscious urge to get the hell away from me when I come within three feet.
I need to get out of here for a weekend again. I'd like it to be longer, but that can't happen. One of these next few weekends, I'm driving up to the La Crosse/Eau Claire area to stay with friends at the other campuses. I'm nervous and excited about going far. I think getting out to Madison the few times I did satisfied the need to get far away, as soon as possible because it was so nice.
I haven't been to Madison in over three months. Going might stop this need again, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of going home with my roommate (she's from Madison) and staying at her house with her parents for a weekend. That's why cars have comfortable backseats and cheap parking garages exist.
Eau Claire alcohol supply, here I come.

I'm far behind on my work, even though I spent five hours, until four in the morning, doing it the other night. That was just my math. I have three classes tomorrow.
Apparently, Dingoes8 is in the class that scares the shit out of me. Well, the professor does.
I found that out on thursday night as he, Forgotten and I headed on our way to the midnight opening show of
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So awesome.. I can't wait to see the actual series, Firefly. And Serenity, again.

The other night, I found a site with many DOS games on it. After much frusteration and excitement, I now have a playable copy of Wolfenstein 3D on this piece, one of my favorite computer games from when I was about 8 years of age. I'm so terrible at it.
Oh, those happy days..

I am currently looking for the Sim games that I do not own. For example, Sim Town. I'd like to get it (cd + case) from somewhere offline but that's doubtful, so I'd like to download it for free from somewhere. Does anyone know of a place? Because I haven't found anything. I'm not sure what other ones I don't have, because I have quite a few. I'm going to check at home. Off the top of my head, I have: City/City 2000/City 3000, Copter, Tower, Earth, Farm, Isle... I can't even remember them all.

I'm bored. I feel miserable, here's your update so you see I'm not dead. I still have alot of healing to do; the road infront of me appears to be long.