moya

It kind of sucks when no one wants to do anything, even though it's 12:43 am on a early friday morning. Story: My friend Kathy agreed to go outside with me and sit at one of those tables infront of the residence halls. We both like people-watching. And I'm hurting pretty bad. I need company.

I get out there at the time we're supposed to meet.. And wait. She shows up ten minutes later, and tells me she forgot she had other plans with other people. No biggie, it's just the movie. That started in over an hour. Ah, well. We agree that afterwards, we'll sit out there and watch the night life and talk. I feel better.

After tagging along as an awkward fifth wheel within a 5 block radius of campus for an hour (apparently it's possible to fit four people across the sidewalks here..), we return to watch the movie.. I almost fall asleep a few times.. It was The Longest Yard with Adam Sandler. Not my kind of movie. So we got out, and Kathy is very sutbley(sp) making her way in the direction of her dorm. I tell her that we could probably go out now, since the others we were with were heading out. She's feeling tired, and had been falling asleep during the movie.. I remind her she told me she would, and I really need to just be in someones company for a while. I'd like to sit outside in the late, brisk night air and talk about anything, or nothing, even, I do enjoy silence with people, and get my mind off things and watch people and see lives being lived.

So here I am online instead because it's not safe to be outside alone, and there was no one who wanted to sit with me. Rain-check, she says..
If you know me and would like me to put my emotions on hold instead of keeping your word and help me feel slightly better, please press 1 now.
Maybe I'm over-reacting. I just feel really sad. Maybe that's why. I want to go sit outside and feel like a part of the world for a bit, because I'm feeling sort of disconnected and alone. Would it look wierd if I went out there right now, at one in the morning, sat in the corner by myself, and wrote, or read, or just watched and did nothing? I'm thinking about it.
I want out.

Brendon leaves this morning for Texas. Remember him? I won't see him until next year. And communication is limited. Unfortunately, this heart seems to be breaking a bit over this, despite the fact I told myself it wouldn't happen again for a really long time.
It's going to be a long, lonely weekend. Maybe I'll go home.

I miss people. Well, not exactly, but it's the first thought that comes to mind, it fits closely enough. I miss a few in particular; some I don't want to miss or even remember.. But mostly I just miss anyone. I walked around so much today and yesterday, my feet want to fall off. With all my effort, I tried to keep looking up, not at the ground, and I met the eyes of people coming my way. I'd smile, or atleast make it obvious I acknowledge they exist and are there, are human, like me, too, and that I was trying to be friendly.... Maybe it's just Milwaukee people. No one smiled back, I just got blank stares, or 'what-the-hell' looks, or was ignored. We are on a shortage of friendly ones, I guess.. If attempting some sort of friendliness doesn't work (recieve no response, wierd looks, etc.. back), how is one even supposed to get farther into something to call it anything more than 'I met a stranger today, and they're still a stranger'?

They aren't flocking to me, it seems they don't want it for themselves as well.

I just feel horrible. I think I need a good cry on the imaginary shoulder. I want to go out and do nothing right now.

Why the fuck is my roommate snoring. I can't fall asleep to it. I hope mine isn't that bad.