moya

So, SG, I have myself under control at the moment. Actually, I'm pretty pleased with myself. I've resolved some issues through some very short emails, talking with my boss and parents, figuring things out and realizing a few things along the way.

Note: I'm still on the verge of breaking, I can feel it in my mind, but as long as I have everything figured out right now, I think the recovery is ahead of me. People have been completely honest and it puts a warm smile on my face to know it. So, I'm going to put it all here for both you, and me (for future reference, too), or atleast, all that comes to my mind this evening.

Work is going well. People are not mad at me for leaving, and Emilee gave me a great big hug when she walked in and saw me, it was almost relief. I miss hugs. The smile on her face made me glow, actually, and I'm thinking I might take her on a day road-trip with me. When I told her about my wonderful times in Madison ( excluding a few major details, but hey, now.. ), she seemed..well, astounded. We're a few months apart in age, her birthday is next month, so perhaps we can find a saturday-sunday thing to do that's not too far away? Not for her birthday, but because she seems so happy to even just think about what I've pushed myself to do: leave for a weekend somewhere new and enjoy myself. Maybe going out for a bit will help her, although it looks like things are going steady for her, or atleast, give her something more to put into her head. So, there's one good thing about today.

I've been getting a bit more lively around the house these past couple days or so. My parents have noticed, and I think the negative attitude and exhaustion I gained in Florida has more or less dulled. I'm bouncing around and once again, my mother is calling me a dork in the middle of the discount store.

A main issue that has slowly been lifting itself off my chest was my friendship/relationship dealie with Neil. I think we both became a bit frazzled(?) at my departure, because we had gotten to be really close. Unfortunately, things took a wierd turn while I was away, and since, I've been beating myself with a switch over it, thinking it was my fault. But, well, in short emails, things have more or less eased my fear, and I'm believing we're going to maintain this friendship as it was when I left.
So, to you Neil, I'm sorry for being such a over-reacting, heartless cunt these days. And for the misunderstanding and the mistrust, because there is no reason to not trust you, and I doubted it there for awhile. You've been a dear friend and, I'll admit to the world, a wonderful fuck buddy /lover((does that make it sound better?) thank you for not letting me go insane.. ), helping in many ways..and my dipshitted little mind shouldn't have jeopardized anything the way I did. I've broken down my barriers to be as honest and close to you as I can, and my idiocy shouldn't be the reason it's thrown away. So, thank you for putting up with me, and the reassurances (though small) and trust and honesty you offered in your words.
I think I would have gone nuts in the past few months without this dude. Go say hi, everyone.

What's been bugging me is A) Florida and B) School in fall.

Geoff, nor Todd, are sending me any compensation for my time spent there. Excuses are being made, people are getting more invovled than they need to, people are denying previously made statements, and I hope this doesn't require a lawyer.. It's getting really bad, and turning into a huge mess, and I've been stressing/angry over it. These last two days (hence last nights entry, this wold be half that anger) have made me aware of many things.. Anyone know what I should do?

Geoff has stated that I haven't gotten my compensation yet because Todd has been away since I left; I'd think before he left, Todd would have made sure that was all good to go. Also, neither had any idea of what was 'going on', Geoff just figured 'it just didn't work out is all that happened'. Bull fucking shit.

The other half was school.. I missed a deadline for the housing payment plan. I emailed my advisor twice, and today she wrote back.
For a long time, I had thought that since I missed this deadline, that I was kicked out of school, completely, for the next year. I don't think it's right that I cried my eyes into red, puffy balls over it, but I guess as much as I'm dreading both it and seeing a certain person, I really want to go. So, after not getting my letter in the mail about my dorm/roommate/etc.. and the bill, I panicked. Everyone else I know going there has already gotten theirs and picked move-in dates.. And I don't even know where I'm living, yet.

Good news is, though, I found out earlier this evening, that I'm not kicked out. I still have all my classes, but tomorrow morning, I get to call the University and talk to them and clear this up.

So, my friendship with my best friend is going strong (I hope), things are better with my parents (who have been supportive with this Florida issue), I'm still in school and will figure it out tomorrow morning.

I figured it was time I updated with loads of pictures, but I want to do them all at once, and Neil has not yet sent me the pictures he took of us before I left for Florida which I want to include. I need a visual entry to smile at when shit hits the fan. I do believe they are the first ones of us we have..
So, until then, I cannot show you up north, Brendon, me, um..Whatever else I find on this piece.

Well, okay, here's one of me.

..Okay, two..



I am feeling alot better. I'm pulling myself out of this one alright, I think. Just a few more weeks of therapy with Dr. Me and a visit or two elsewhere *cough* to pull my head out of certain orifices, and I might be just fine like back in the good ol' days..before Florida.
Have a goodnight, people.
The rain has been cleansing, perhaps, today.