moya

This deserves an update. I've been around, but not. I've been icky for a while, since last thursday or so. By monday night, you could have mistaken me for a coke addict, although I've really never met one. But I was pale (more than I usually am, how odd), in cold sweats constantly, had a massive headache, my eyes felt like they were going to pop out, my fucking uterus or something down in that region felt like it was contracting or something, I could have thrown up at any moment.. I've been in bed before 10 these past two nights.. I'm suspecting I'm starting to reject the birth control, because it's been morning sickness-feeling alot, just..not really all in the morning. So I get to go get that checked out. Then to the other family doctor because I'm..just messed up.

I just talked to my ex for the first time since about january. He imed me about my screen name. Thinking it was about him (It is, but still). I really need to say more, but this is where LJ comes in handy for this type of bullshit. I managed to get myself this far; I'm hoping I don't go back to step one.

Fuck dating, seriously. I obviously have attatchment problems that neither side wants to deal with. I'm really sick of this. Yay for me, and accepting being lonely with a sad, defeated smile.

I have so much to do. We got my car back the other day; They let it run for two hours, then drove it for a long time; it never died on them. BUT, they charged $200 to waste my gas like that and find nothing wrong anyway. I'm driving my mothers car for now.

I'm going to a Garbage concert tomorrow night. I don't like them at all, but a person has free tickets and invited me to go.. The girl who is driving, I don't like. And if you're a female and on my bad side and I don't like you..not great news for you . Plus she's younger than I am by two years.. I don't take kindly to her kind. Really, I never get along with women much. But, I must shut my mouth and keep my fists out of the air and the glare I'm so famous for out of my eyes..

I need to burn the box full of all his shit. Or pack it up *finally* and set it all aside to never look inside ever again because I'm terrible at getting duct tape off of anything. I'd like to go try and re-make a duct tape wallet that I found instructions for, because the first one looks like loopy and smells, but I think it's because of wherever the tape has been (I have no idea..rotting somewhere?).

Oh, and I need. new. pants. But Hot Topic is (dere)licking my own balls these days, I'm kind of sad I have to resort to them to get clothes I like. And they cost so much. But I went last night, because I was willing to dish out $50 for pants, and they either had no sizes in the ones I liked, or..I just didn't like them. I don't like the ones where the legs are more or less fitted for females; the not-so-baggy ones. But fuck, man, I need new pants..

I feel like punching someone really hard. Twice. I'm wondering right now why I bothered to come home early. Come home early and I had to deal with that IM shit. I re-realize the horror of the internet.

I also clipped my nails today. They went flying all over, I couldn't find them to pick them up. When I was little I used to be able to chew off my toe nails. I still could, but..I'm not going to. My hair is fading terribly; I need to re-bleach it then re-dye it, but I'm fearful that my mother will fuck them up again.. Oh, I also need to go write for class.
Fucking exes, I wish I didn't have any, and never will.

So, thank you everyone who left comments and such, I've been a bitch about updating as often as I used to. We've yet to 'fix' the computer, because 'I'm having some troubles, but don't worry, I'll fix them soon!'. I never noticed how much shit I've got on here... But I don't want to lose kazaa.. *sobs* But, being on here is like slowly watching the life drain out of this machine.. And hearing it. Goodbye songs.

I just ripped my only good pair of pants a bit further.. *pulls hair out* Why are the malls so far away?!