moya

So.. It's a friday night and I'm stuck with nothing to do.. Haven't we heard that one before. And wow, everything in my head just escaped me. I think I think too much, then I forget things and forget that I forgot anything in the first place. Yay for being the most disorganized organizer in town..

I've held the whole computer thing off for as long as I can.. I appreciate everyone telling me all the things I can download, but unfortunately, this is not my computer, therefore I have no say in what happens to it. Also, my father does not, may I repeat with an emphasis does not believe anything you can download from the internet works as good as needed. Therefore products must be purchased. No, there is no convincing the man, I've tried before, and no, I cannot just 'keep talking, it'll get through to him'--not before I get smacked and banned from the computer.

So thank you, but there is no hope. And unfortunately they know I can only jackass around on here before it becomes apparent I'm not doing anything productive. Getting my own computer (I'd prefer a lap top, actually, that's the only kind I'd get. That can do that whole wireless-internet-connection/sit-out-in-the-backyward-and-leech-off-the-neighbors-internet thingy, you know? ) is also not allowed (leeching the internet is allowed, odd I know). They are, once again, refusing to be serious with me about this.. It's really pissing me off.

You know what else pisses me off? My car died in saukville last night. The little RPM thingy went to 0 and the gas stopped working. Don't ask, I'm not a fucking mechanic. I don't even know how to use my cruise control. Sort of, I have a fear of it, so, shut the fuck up. While I was sitting alongside the road by myself in the dark waiting for my parents, I called almost everyone on my phone, but no one answered. That was wonderful, being scared/angry almost shitless for a half hour and not being able to contact anyone at all (I get paranoid very easily). Yay. Anyway, I no longer have a car. Again. Perfect timing. I was planning on getting out for another day really, really soon.. Okay, story time.

On thanksgiving day of 2003, I finally drove my new car home. Not new by 10 years, but, my first. I drove my sister and I to my aunts house. Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes, my first time in my new car. All goes well. We leave. On the way home, in the middle of an intersection that has an off-ramp and on-ramp to the freeway, my car dies. My first day driving it. You'd think we would have immediately figured out it was a crappy choice. Since then, my car has died, run out of gas, gauges just..stop working. Name it. The last time an incident happened, I planned on finding a new car. My parents refused to help me look because I had no money to buy one. Why? Because I had to pay for every single breakdown/repair on this piece. Last night, I brought up getting another car. Apparently that is completely out of the question. Why, you ask? Because they are not the ones having to pay money out of their pockets and bank accounts to pay for repairs. I do. Therefore, my car breaking down is no inconvenience to them because they do not have to pay for it. Funny thing is, is I had no money either. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs to my parents for the repairs I've had to pay for on my car, and will continue to have to do so. Because it's my money, not theirs.

I think my parents are money greedy. Once, they spent my $2K inheritence I got as a little child from my great-grandmother in her will (totaling about $3500 now with interest and such, so they said when they remembered a few months ago). This money is now all gone, paid for my car repairs; my car itself cost me only $3K. I think I'm going to cry about this. Because I'm too stupid to know what to do anymore. And I'm too poor and my parents want their money and don't help.

Times seem to be getting harder and I'm not sure what to do, and my parents, of all people, are refusing to help me where it matters most: the situations where I have no clue what to do.

None of my friends wanted to do anything tonight; as I'm the only single one left, they each had their own thing to do with their boyfriends. It seems, too, that whenever I'm around them, there is no such thing as 'acting like friends', it's 'acting like we're madly in love' which makes me feel wierd when around them. After dating for one month, one of my girlfriends has their wedding planned out, and says she's never been so in love. Funny how I heard that not two months ago when she was with the other guy..For the sixth time (getting back together with him).

I think tonight and tomorrow night will be spent in my room, in a sour mood. My sisters birthday is sunday, and her birthday is not a good day for me because of an extremely stupid thing I once did on that day. She'd be very angry with me if she ever found out. And I can't help but feel so terribly guilty about it.

I'm going to be editing my friends list sometime soon. Is my name still on your friends list right now? If so, you have nothing to worry about. I'm doing it right now, as I type this, and will be done before I hit submit. You reading this = good chance you're still on there if you were before. I just want to keep ones on there who I've maintained contact with, and to keep my list to a minimum. Warning: From now on, I'll be very picky with who I accept.

I have no new pictures, I think... Well, one that's not uploaded, I'm pale as a ghost, and I look like I've been crying even though it's actually an attempted-to-be-hidden-smile. I'll upload it later. Maybe edit the ol' entry.

Bah Humbug. *slams head on desk*

I hope everyone else is doing awesome.