I am quite annoyed. I was supposed to work at noon, but since we had a big snow last night that lasted through about 10:30 this morning, we are closed. So, instead of getting my ass to the library for the entire afternoon to get some stuff done, I have to wait here, and call back into work at 2:30, to see if we're opening, because then I'd definately have to go in. But they won't know until then! 
That completely ruined my days plan. So, I sit here like a bored ass until 2:30, call.. If I have to go in at 3, I swear I will be a very pissed little woman. Means no going out..Except to work. Hopefully, the roads will stay wet (which I'm doubting, from the looks of them already) so we stay closed. Closed closed closed.
Oh, sure, there's one good thing. I'll get to socialize with my coworkers until 6. Then I get to come home to an empty house. And the library closes at 7. It's a half hour drive. Mother fucker. I hate it when they do this.
Other than the extremely irritated anger, I'm feeling rather down today. I'm sad. I admit it. I'm sad that people I used to be such great best friends with don't even talk to me anymore. They never responded to my messages, and I gave up. I have this tendency to keep trying and, I guess some could see it as pointless nagging of some sorts. I don't know. But maybe that was what made them turn away even more. The 'hey! *insert some stupid, two word thing here to try and start a conversation*'...no response... Yes, I believe these people are worth it.
I still have screen names floating about, and I watch people sign on and off, put up away messages that make me feel bad or left out or abandoned and forgotten and neglected, then return, change profiles, and sign off.... And why did I bother to put numbers into my cell phone if they aren't going to be used ever again? Why the hell did I get a cell phone in the first place?
A note to self: Stop that.
There is still hope inside that some of those relationships can be rekindled, obstacles are truly in the way (stress, distance, family problems, boyfriends, people's friends pushing tiny humans out of tiny, smelly, slimey holes, etc..), which makes me feel selfish. I'm not sure why; I know I hope for the most useless and stupid of things, don't say for me to do otherwise. It does guarantee I'll have something inside for an unknown amount of time. Better than nothing. Despite the days where I feel like shit.
But let's blame it on the weather, and turn of events that work has brought upon me. I really did look forward to going back to the campus, but I didn't. And there's where I become a major contradiction about things.
I have Eye of the Tiger stuck in my head. I will definately be going to this, and it will be great. I don't care how I get myself a ticket, as I work all day on the day they go on sale. My bookmarks bore me today, there is nothing good on the internet anymore, except SG, and a few select sites. The green shirt I dyed came out green with yellowish streaks, from when I let it sit without stirring for a half hour. I'll wear it sometime anyway. Next week, some certain someone will be on spring break, and I can only hope for the entire week that they made it back home okay, and back here okay. I hate it when you know that if something were to happen to someone, no one would ever think to call you about it, and you'd never know. They die, friends and family are gathered at funeral, in another (home)state, and one would never learn about what happened, and why that person never signed online again, or responded to the messages sent to their phone..
God am I a morbid fuck. But that really worries me. I miss and worry about people. Can't I ever just..like..adore someone again? I miss having someone to adore. And someone to talk to for shits and giggles. To confide in. Maybe, even, someone to look forward to. But, no, it's all just negative, and fear. What the hell, self.
I swear today/this weekend hates me.
This was last night.
I had half a glass of beer, with food coloring mixed in. But it didn't mix well (it turned green, yes), the actual dye-goop shit went right to the bottom. We, my mother and I, drank our glasses, trying to avoid it like it was the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle. Tequila has the worm in it, right? Anyway, I accidentally drank it. I also almost threw up as I finished my last sip. Beer used to be my thing. It's old, I need something new and tastier with faster results. Then I went to bed shortly later, around 8 pm. Do you like my suspenders? I have to take them back. That's the first time I've worn them, and those eyelit things, whatever they're called, are falling out. I'd like to say they were cheap, but they weren't..
The roads..are..drying..up.. Where is the rain they predicted?
Edited to add: No work today!
And it's not even raining. Do I want to run down to the library for 4 hours? 
Damn right I do!
That completely ruined my days plan. So, I sit here like a bored ass until 2:30, call.. If I have to go in at 3, I swear I will be a very pissed little woman. Means no going out..Except to work. Hopefully, the roads will stay wet (which I'm doubting, from the looks of them already) so we stay closed. Closed closed closed.
Oh, sure, there's one good thing. I'll get to socialize with my coworkers until 6. Then I get to come home to an empty house. And the library closes at 7. It's a half hour drive. Mother fucker. I hate it when they do this.
Other than the extremely irritated anger, I'm feeling rather down today. I'm sad. I admit it. I'm sad that people I used to be such great best friends with don't even talk to me anymore. They never responded to my messages, and I gave up. I have this tendency to keep trying and, I guess some could see it as pointless nagging of some sorts. I don't know. But maybe that was what made them turn away even more. The 'hey! *insert some stupid, two word thing here to try and start a conversation*'...no response... Yes, I believe these people are worth it.
I still have screen names floating about, and I watch people sign on and off, put up away messages that make me feel bad or left out or abandoned and forgotten and neglected, then return, change profiles, and sign off.... And why did I bother to put numbers into my cell phone if they aren't going to be used ever again? Why the hell did I get a cell phone in the first place?
A note to self: Stop that.
There is still hope inside that some of those relationships can be rekindled, obstacles are truly in the way (stress, distance, family problems, boyfriends, people's friends pushing tiny humans out of tiny, smelly, slimey holes, etc..), which makes me feel selfish. I'm not sure why; I know I hope for the most useless and stupid of things, don't say for me to do otherwise. It does guarantee I'll have something inside for an unknown amount of time. Better than nothing. Despite the days where I feel like shit.
But let's blame it on the weather, and turn of events that work has brought upon me. I really did look forward to going back to the campus, but I didn't. And there's where I become a major contradiction about things.
I have Eye of the Tiger stuck in my head. I will definately be going to this, and it will be great. I don't care how I get myself a ticket, as I work all day on the day they go on sale. My bookmarks bore me today, there is nothing good on the internet anymore, except SG, and a few select sites. The green shirt I dyed came out green with yellowish streaks, from when I let it sit without stirring for a half hour. I'll wear it sometime anyway. Next week, some certain someone will be on spring break, and I can only hope for the entire week that they made it back home okay, and back here okay. I hate it when you know that if something were to happen to someone, no one would ever think to call you about it, and you'd never know. They die, friends and family are gathered at funeral, in another (home)state, and one would never learn about what happened, and why that person never signed online again, or responded to the messages sent to their phone..
God am I a morbid fuck. But that really worries me. I miss and worry about people. Can't I ever just..like..adore someone again? I miss having someone to adore. And someone to talk to for shits and giggles. To confide in. Maybe, even, someone to look forward to. But, no, it's all just negative, and fear. What the hell, self.
I swear today/this weekend hates me.
This was last night.
I had half a glass of beer, with food coloring mixed in. But it didn't mix well (it turned green, yes), the actual dye-goop shit went right to the bottom. We, my mother and I, drank our glasses, trying to avoid it like it was the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle. Tequila has the worm in it, right? Anyway, I accidentally drank it. I also almost threw up as I finished my last sip. Beer used to be my thing. It's old, I need something new and tastier with faster results. Then I went to bed shortly later, around 8 pm. Do you like my suspenders? I have to take them back. That's the first time I've worn them, and those eyelit things, whatever they're called, are falling out. I'd like to say they were cheap, but they weren't..
The roads..are..drying..up.. Where is the rain they predicted?
Edited to add: No work today!
And it's not even raining. Do I want to run down to the library for 4 hours? Damn right I do! VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
codemonkeym:
Our snow melts at sunrise. Very boring! 
I'm going to drink some mead. 
I'm going to drink some mead. 
tadzi:
i used to have a problem with that too....i think im just meant to be alone most of the time, and ive grown to like it. i do miss some of the people who are no longer in my life though. particularly one guy who was the best male friend i ever had. i dont know why we stopped talking.